All the men who tell you "trans women are women" would never want to have sex with one. Nobody believes it.
If somebody tells me they think I'm unintelligent, I don't dissolve into an emotional crumble, because I know I'm not dumb. So I'm not even convinced that trans women believe themselves to be women.
The people who tell you sex and gender are different things are doing it for either narcissistic ideological reasons or cowardice.
Because they know it's wrong, regardless of self-deceit.