Women are a worse pursuit than video games. I actually stopped playing video games for 5 whole years to "put myself out there more" in my late twenties and I found it was entirely a waste. Just balance things better. If your buddy invites you out, actually go out, don't say no. Take time to do things etc...
Also, getting women's phone numbers is pointless these days. Instead of asking women for a phone number you should be asking to come over to your place sometime and then if they agree, you get their phone number. Don't go on dates with women, just bring them straight over to your place.
Instead of asking women for a phone number you should be asking to come over to your place sometime and then if they agree, you get their phone number. Don't go on dates with women, just bring them straight over to your place.
Ask complete strangers 'to come to your place' and then 'get' their phone number?
May I ask how often this has actually been successful for you?
Like once every few months. I can't say exact numbers. Maybe like 1/15? But I also was being selective on the 15, I wouldn't do this to anyone.. and you don't start off with that. You chat a while, get to know them, drink, etc... The point I'm trying to make is get the commitment from her first. Phone numbers are worthless on their own. Women hand them out like crazy.
Yeah, I don't think even ForeignInvader would recommend that you get girls like that to go to your place before having even their phone number. In a bar is different, because it is expected.
This is true. I evidently can’t even manage the “in bars” bit, myself (not sure why. Zero confidence? I don’t even get to the ask…), which is like… Well it sucks, let’s go with that.
So meeting women and actually getting anywhere really only happens when there is something mutually in common already, on most occasions.
Eurgh. It’s the worst thing.
Unfortunately I don’t seem to be getting better with this, either.
But this isn't the goal. If all you're doing is asking women for their phone number when you're out at a bar, that's pointless. I'm saying get the commitment from her first, otherwise the number is worthless.
Getting a phone number, cool. Depending on the setting that doesn't really mean much, though.
Give a woman your phone number. If she has any interest she will hit you up. The way to do this depends largely on the setting and how you've interacted. Don't be a d-bag and leave your number on receipts for the waitress expecting results.
If you feel rapport with a woman and she seems reciprocal say "Hey, I would love to do (whatever activity) with you but I'm pretty busy, hit me up at (number) so we can set something up"
It doesn't have to be something dedicated, like hiking or wall climbing, either. You can frame this around a coffee/bar date. "I would love to know more about your thoughts on..." "Your taste in music is objectively shit, why?" "So where are you really from?"
I'm obviously kidding around a bit but giving women my number without taking theirs cut down on a lot of what I guess is called "low value women" these days.
Good job, excellent! That is crazy. I don't even know someone who can lose 100 pounds without looking like an Auschwitz inmate. I guess that's Europe vs. America for you.
Trying to "get" women as a goal in itself is a bad plan. In simple terms, women don't like desperate men, and they can tell from men's behaviour how desperate they are. Setting a goal to "get" a woman increases your desperation, especially if you set a numeric goal to attain, and thus is counter productive. A better tactic is to improve yourself in other ways, take opportunity to flirt when they arise but be indifferent to actually "getting" women.
I'm not getting "the woman", I'm getting a number.
I used "get" as a broad term. Getting a number is covered under this, as you are trying to start a relationship of some kind. (Again, "relationship" here is meant in the broad sense).
As for desperation; I made it a small number per month so I don't come off as desperate.
You have made it a goal to get their number, so you will be trying to get their number. They will know this from your interaction and you will be the opposite of aloof, which will work against you. If you end up having several bad interactions in a row, you will try harder to achieve your goal, which will make it worse.
... a particularly bad string of dates turned me off from bothering with women since before COVID lockdowns.
It's only going to get worse if you make it a goal. Dating is already a mindfuck, as you probably know, and trying extra hard to date means you will be pressuring yourself to deal with the mindfuck better. Instead, the best way of dealing with it is usually stepping away, rather than trying to better next time, yet setting a goal will push you towards the latter.
I suppose in different terms, my point is that you goal is entirely dependent on things you can't control, i.e. how other people respond. You shouldn't be setting a goal based on things you can't control, as you will be pressuring yourself to "do better" when the problem might not be yourself, but other people and simple luck.
On this note… I “gave up trying” for like, nearly 18 months…
Probably one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, in hindsight. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, not “trying”, and not “putting myself out there”, was actually really detrimental to my psyche and my life…
It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all. From extensive experience.
Obviously desperation is bad, but I think being isolated, single and alone is actually much worse…
Although feigning disinterest/aloofness just does not work, either…
As TheImp points out, feigning doesn't work because they can still tell you are just faking it. I meant actually being disinterested, rather than trying to fake it.
And easy of achieving this level of "disinterest" is embracing aspects of MGTOW i.e. being realistic about relationships and realising in most cases a relationship is going to make many aspects of your life worse rather than better, so it's not really that important. If someone comes along that brings enough positives to outweigh the negatives, than fair enough, give it a go, but otherwise "romantic" relationships are generally not worth it.
None, why would I wait for the start of the year to change things I want to change ? Especially when the start of the year is generally the busiest time of the year with preparing every report there is to try and not give my government more money that I need to.
Agreed. Completely agreed.
It’s not much, but it is something I have been doing less of, lately…
For good reason, as you say.
Women are a worse pursuit than video games. I actually stopped playing video games for 5 whole years to "put myself out there more" in my late twenties and I found it was entirely a waste. Just balance things better. If your buddy invites you out, actually go out, don't say no. Take time to do things etc...
Also, getting women's phone numbers is pointless these days. Instead of asking women for a phone number you should be asking to come over to your place sometime and then if they agree, you get their phone number. Don't go on dates with women, just bring them straight over to your place.
Ask complete strangers 'to come to your place' and then 'get' their phone number?
May I ask how often this has actually been successful for you?
Like once every few months. I can't say exact numbers. Maybe like 1/15? But I also was being selective on the 15, I wouldn't do this to anyone.. and you don't start off with that. You chat a while, get to know them, drink, etc... The point I'm trying to make is get the commitment from her first. Phone numbers are worthless on their own. Women hand them out like crazy.
In the other comment, you talk about bars. That makes more sense. I thought you were at a mall and pulling this sort of stunt.
Yeah, I don't think even ForeignInvader would recommend that you get girls like that to go to your place before having even their phone number. In a bar is different, because it is expected.
This is true. I evidently can’t even manage the “in bars” bit, myself (not sure why. Zero confidence? I don’t even get to the ask…), which is like… Well it sucks, let’s go with that.
So meeting women and actually getting anywhere really only happens when there is something mutually in common already, on most occasions.
Eurgh. It’s the worst thing.
Unfortunately I don’t seem to be getting better with this, either.
Obviously, if you don't try. This may be something for you, from a rather interesting heterodox political science PhD: https://richardhanania.substack.com/p/how-i-overcame-anxiety
I’ve never been particularly good at this. Particularly in that sort of environment…
What’s your icebreaker, lol?
Ha, fair enough.
I have this weird thing (it seems) where my brain freezes, and I somehow can’t spit out the words I want to say. Or they come out wrong.
And then later, when it’s all over, I involuntarily revisit the conversation, and think “Oh, THAT’S what I should have said”…
It really fucking sucks, lol.
Happened on NYE three times with different women…
So yeah. 💁🏻♂️
You’re doing better than me, lol.
But this isn't the goal. If all you're doing is asking women for their phone number when you're out at a bar, that's pointless. I'm saying get the commitment from her first, otherwise the number is worthless.
Getting a phone number, cool. Depending on the setting that doesn't really mean much, though.
Give a woman your phone number. If she has any interest she will hit you up. The way to do this depends largely on the setting and how you've interacted. Don't be a d-bag and leave your number on receipts for the waitress expecting results.
If you feel rapport with a woman and she seems reciprocal say "Hey, I would love to do (whatever activity) with you but I'm pretty busy, hit me up at (number) so we can set something up"
It doesn't have to be something dedicated, like hiking or wall climbing, either. You can frame this around a coffee/bar date. "I would love to know more about your thoughts on..." "Your taste in music is objectively shit, why?" "So where are you really from?"
I'm obviously kidding around a bit but giving women my number without taking theirs cut down on a lot of what I guess is called "low value women" these days.
"lol just call me or don't, I don't care"
Good job, excellent! That is crazy. I don't even know someone who can lose 100 pounds without looking like an Auschwitz inmate. I guess that's Europe vs. America for you.
Seems like a massive waste to just delete a Steam account. So you just lose all your games with no compensation?
Obviously, I'm paid by Steam and the FSB to keep people addicted and to aid the fat man's goal of world domination.
Don't you dare call into question the dirtiness of this shill. I need the checks to keep coming in, and you're not helping.
I assume you want to play less games. I think that is good.
For me:
When you finish the Bible, check out Unseen Realm by Michael Heiser. Incredible insight for a huge variety of ideas from the Bible.
The short version: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2jx1ZtZlcCk
Trying to "get" women as a goal in itself is a bad plan. In simple terms, women don't like desperate men, and they can tell from men's behaviour how desperate they are. Setting a goal to "get" a woman increases your desperation, especially if you set a numeric goal to attain, and thus is counter productive. A better tactic is to improve yourself in other ways, take opportunity to flirt when they arise but be indifferent to actually "getting" women.
I used "get" as a broad term. Getting a number is covered under this, as you are trying to start a relationship of some kind. (Again, "relationship" here is meant in the broad sense).
You have made it a goal to get their number, so you will be trying to get their number. They will know this from your interaction and you will be the opposite of aloof, which will work against you. If you end up having several bad interactions in a row, you will try harder to achieve your goal, which will make it worse.
It's only going to get worse if you make it a goal. Dating is already a mindfuck, as you probably know, and trying extra hard to date means you will be pressuring yourself to deal with the mindfuck better. Instead, the best way of dealing with it is usually stepping away, rather than trying to better next time, yet setting a goal will push you towards the latter.
I suppose in different terms, my point is that you goal is entirely dependent on things you can't control, i.e. how other people respond. You shouldn't be setting a goal based on things you can't control, as you will be pressuring yourself to "do better" when the problem might not be yourself, but other people and simple luck.
I agree, within reason. Although feigning disinterest/aloofness just does not work, either…
At least in my experience.
There must be a “happy medium”, but I am entirely yet to find it, myself, unfortunately…
On this note… I “gave up trying” for like, nearly 18 months…
Probably one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, in hindsight. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, not “trying”, and not “putting myself out there”, was actually really detrimental to my psyche and my life…
It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all. From extensive experience.
Obviously desperation is bad, but I think being isolated, single and alone is actually much worse…
Is it? I'm pretty sure you can make a pretty good life for yourself being single. Now ask yourself: would this one make my life better, or worse?
'Not being single' should not be a goal. There's plenty worse than that. Realizing that should cure you of any desperation.
As TheImp points out, feigning doesn't work because they can still tell you are just faking it. I meant actually being disinterested, rather than trying to fake it.
And easy of achieving this level of "disinterest" is embracing aspects of MGTOW i.e. being realistic about relationships and realising in most cases a relationship is going to make many aspects of your life worse rather than better, so it's not really that important. If someone comes along that brings enough positives to outweigh the negatives, than fair enough, give it a go, but otherwise "romantic" relationships are generally not worth it.
Surely you know that this is meant to make things worse?
I'd be a little bit more careful if I were you. Fama avolat.
I think you may not be 'the average guy'.
for me, improve my knowledge of homebrewing, if the shit hits the fan at least i can trade booze for food
KMS
i don't do ny resolutions, i just start doing things in the middle of a random month
like how i started intermittent fasting, exercise, and making my bed
I like the second idea. I lack the courage to do this, but I wish I had it, lol.
For me, it’s waaaay rarer than that, sadly.
For mine?
To try and get my life back together as best I can, and to not be in the same place or situation, this time next year, as I am right now.
And probably to get off Instagram, because that shit is absolutely destroying what is left of my mental health, unfortunately…
Or like, die trying, with this stuff. Unironically…
I can’t handle another year like the last one.
The good thing about an incredibly bad year is that regression to the mean almost guarantees a better one.
None, why would I wait for the start of the year to change things I want to change ? Especially when the start of the year is generally the busiest time of the year with preparing every report there is to try and not give my government more money that I need to.