Trying to "get" women as a goal in itself is a bad plan. In simple terms, women don't like desperate men, and they can tell from men's behaviour how desperate they are. Setting a goal to "get" a woman increases your desperation, especially if you set a numeric goal to attain, and thus is counter productive. A better tactic is to improve yourself in other ways, take opportunity to flirt when they arise but be indifferent to actually "getting" women.
I'm not getting "the woman", I'm getting a number.
I used "get" as a broad term. Getting a number is covered under this, as you are trying to start a relationship of some kind. (Again, "relationship" here is meant in the broad sense).
As for desperation; I made it a small number per month so I don't come off as desperate.
You have made it a goal to get their number, so you will be trying to get their number. They will know this from your interaction and you will be the opposite of aloof, which will work against you. If you end up having several bad interactions in a row, you will try harder to achieve your goal, which will make it worse.
... a particularly bad string of dates turned me off from bothering with women since before COVID lockdowns.
It's only going to get worse if you make it a goal. Dating is already a mindfuck, as you probably know, and trying extra hard to date means you will be pressuring yourself to deal with the mindfuck better. Instead, the best way of dealing with it is usually stepping away, rather than trying to better next time, yet setting a goal will push you towards the latter.
I suppose in different terms, my point is that you goal is entirely dependent on things you can't control, i.e. how other people respond. You shouldn't be setting a goal based on things you can't control, as you will be pressuring yourself to "do better" when the problem might not be yourself, but other people and simple luck.
On this note… I “gave up trying” for like, nearly 18 months…
Probably one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, in hindsight. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, not “trying”, and not “putting myself out there”, was actually really detrimental to my psyche and my life…
It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all. From extensive experience.
Obviously desperation is bad, but I think being isolated, single and alone is actually much worse…
Although feigning disinterest/aloofness just does not work, either…
As TheImp points out, feigning doesn't work because they can still tell you are just faking it. I meant actually being disinterested, rather than trying to fake it.
And easy of achieving this level of "disinterest" is embracing aspects of MGTOW i.e. being realistic about relationships and realising in most cases a relationship is going to make many aspects of your life worse rather than better, so it's not really that important. If someone comes along that brings enough positives to outweigh the negatives, than fair enough, give it a go, but otherwise "romantic" relationships are generally not worth it.
Trying to "get" women as a goal in itself is a bad plan. In simple terms, women don't like desperate men, and they can tell from men's behaviour how desperate they are. Setting a goal to "get" a woman increases your desperation, especially if you set a numeric goal to attain, and thus is counter productive. A better tactic is to improve yourself in other ways, take opportunity to flirt when they arise but be indifferent to actually "getting" women.
I used "get" as a broad term. Getting a number is covered under this, as you are trying to start a relationship of some kind. (Again, "relationship" here is meant in the broad sense).
You have made it a goal to get their number, so you will be trying to get their number. They will know this from your interaction and you will be the opposite of aloof, which will work against you. If you end up having several bad interactions in a row, you will try harder to achieve your goal, which will make it worse.
It's only going to get worse if you make it a goal. Dating is already a mindfuck, as you probably know, and trying extra hard to date means you will be pressuring yourself to deal with the mindfuck better. Instead, the best way of dealing with it is usually stepping away, rather than trying to better next time, yet setting a goal will push you towards the latter.
I suppose in different terms, my point is that you goal is entirely dependent on things you can't control, i.e. how other people respond. You shouldn't be setting a goal based on things you can't control, as you will be pressuring yourself to "do better" when the problem might not be yourself, but other people and simple luck.
I agree, within reason. Although feigning disinterest/aloofness just does not work, either…
At least in my experience.
There must be a “happy medium”, but I am entirely yet to find it, myself, unfortunately…
On this note… I “gave up trying” for like, nearly 18 months…
Probably one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, in hindsight. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, not “trying”, and not “putting myself out there”, was actually really detrimental to my psyche and my life…
It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all. From extensive experience.
Obviously desperation is bad, but I think being isolated, single and alone is actually much worse…
Is it? I'm pretty sure you can make a pretty good life for yourself being single. Now ask yourself: would this one make my life better, or worse?
'Not being single' should not be a goal. There's plenty worse than that. Realizing that should cure you of any desperation.
As TheImp points out, feigning doesn't work because they can still tell you are just faking it. I meant actually being disinterested, rather than trying to fake it.
And easy of achieving this level of "disinterest" is embracing aspects of MGTOW i.e. being realistic about relationships and realising in most cases a relationship is going to make many aspects of your life worse rather than better, so it's not really that important. If someone comes along that brings enough positives to outweigh the negatives, than fair enough, give it a go, but otherwise "romantic" relationships are generally not worth it.
Surely you know that this is meant to make things worse?
I think you may not be 'the average guy'.