In short: Where should I go to develop genuine connections with good people?
Why post this in KIA2? Well, I'm lost, maybe this is the wrong place for this discussion. I'm this mix of a Christian who likes games, VR, anime, etc., and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
If I go to Japan, even tho I'm fluent, I'll never be a native Japanese citizen, and where are the wise amongst their people? The older generation is so quick to condemn; the younger generation, picking up on western leftism it seems.
If I go to church, most Christians / people in general haven't actually developed the wisdom Christianity could provide them with, and may not have anything to do with JP/games/anime/VR.
If I go to VRChat, even in the relatively better communities I find narcissistic feminist women, furries, leftists, etc. are a dime a dozen. As socialites, there are a rare few who have gained some wisdom, but as with other communities I've seen, few and far between.
If I go take a dance class, I find older, conservative men and women, a younger narcissistic feminist woman (but hey, at least I can connect with those women on games and anime...), a younger Christian woman raised in a broken family, lacked self-esteem and got plastic surgery and breast implants because of it... Seems maybe some other homeschooled girls out there, too...? (Where's the younger men? Playing video games I guess? XD)
If I go to an anime or game convention, well now you have all this mask and vaccine stuff and it just doesn't seem worth it anymore.
So, it seems to me that the wise are few and far between wherever you go, and just about any place people gather and like games/anime/VR is captured by leftism. So where am I supposed to go?
I feel like I need to create my own community, because the community I'm looking for just doesn't exist. I've written a 3D engine from scratch in Vulkan for VR that can do online multiplayer, maybe I'll just try and setup a little community there+Discord+Twitter+Twitch...? I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a community leader, but if I don't do it, I'm not sure who will.
You are hopping back and forth between looking for friends, mentors, or some sort of "community."
Those are all different things with different answers, and you should probably figure out what you are actually after before you commit to some major life change to do it.
But, while its not very practical advice, I can tell you that people can tell very easily when you are trying to deliberately build a connection with them and its often very off putting unless they are doing the same. So if you go in trying to achieve that, you'll often ironically lower your chances. Its really a case of "do your own thing and let your brightness attract others to you."
My suggestion would be to look at your hobbies and see if there are groups in your area that match. more mainstream hobbies are unfortunately pretty infested, but it is still possible to find a group that just likes to partake rather than engage in culture war bullshit. generally, the more niche and tactile the hobby is, the better the group.
Athletic hobbies are also a good way to go if you're into that sort of thing. look for groups doing pick up games of basketball, baseball, ultimate frisbee, soccer, etc etc. you'd be surprised how chill jocks can be post-High-School. just be prepared to get in shape, especially for team sports.
lastly, if it's in the cards, you might just have to move. some areas are so infested with moral busy bodies and culture war bullshit that nothing is sacred. I learned that the hard way in two cities I've lived in. unironically, if you live in a blue county, try moving to a purple or red county. definitely do your due diligence by visiting and getting a sense of the vibe before pulling the trigger on anything.
as for making your own community, it's not very hard if you keep the group focused. make sure your community is about something in particular, be it a game or hobby or even geographic location. With the community theme in place, gatekeep the everliving shit out of it by filtering out anyone who does not wish to partake in that hobby or otherwise belongs to the community theme.
Japanese women > Western women
edit:
Thats on average. There are still many crazy Japanese women.
Went to Japan and Korea a couple times this year for work and travel and I never appreciated before just how much simply making an effort to be feminine can actually move the needle. Add in the obesity rate in young women being virtually zero and it just leaves one wondering "what if young western women were this attractive on average" the whole time you're there. Definitely still a bunch of crazies though.
They were. As recently as a couple decades ago.
Yeah absolutely but experiencing that second hand is different than being immersed in and surrounded by it 24/7. Having not been alive back then it was a minor culture shock for me even though to an extent I saw it coming.
It works like this for Eastern European women too.
I tried joining some local alleys and found there was no leagues for young men. Just old men, professionals, children, and. bored housewives.
Since you sound like you don't mind getting outside: libraries. I've ranted about librarians before. but the people you meet there are usually decent.
Very easy to shift to "let's grab a coffee" "What are you reading?" "I don't know that author, tell me more"
do people other than boomers and kids even hang out at the library anymore? People who still use physical books just request online and pick up and check out under 5 minutes
I do the reserve and pick up thing but my library also has a really good music section so I'll take my time and check out the CDs. You aren't wrong, it is an older and much younger crowd in general, but I do find people in my generation browsing books and what not.
You're looking for a community that combines all of your hobbies in one. Essentially a community that already exists, and has been created for you and is ready made and waiting for you. That's not going to happen and is slightly narcissistic. If you want that community, create it within your own family.
And then find other communities that fulfill one part of your life. And other communities to fulfill other parts. Unless of course you can find a Based anime church.
Here is a good group as I fit some of your interests and am a Christian as well. You check out Christianity.win?
A lot of people have been having the same problem. I posted two threads quite a while back where people noted how hard it was to socialize and meet people.
I left Idaho to go live near family again. It just got too hard, too expensive, to live on my own. My job has gotten harder over the last couple years too. A lot of people who spent years here are getting up and leaving. Coworkers and I have had discussions about how hard it is too socialize now. Some younger than me have been telling me horror stories.
My old church group died when several members left for other states. Still keep tabs on them but not the same. Church got taken over by left wingers from California and turned into liberal "church.". Still haven't found one to replace it. Had a little local bar I used to go to in Idaho but the one I used to go to back in WA had all the locals leave as things kept getting more expensive. Still got friends I see every now and then but everyone is busy and the old days of hanging even once a month are long gone. Funnily, they complain if a lack of close friends too but nobody makes the effort anymore.
Form a company, recruit your co-workers and turn them into your 'friends' or else. ;)
You need to have a wife and kids. And then the 'friends' will arrive through play dates, schools, daycare and other stuff.
but how do you find a wife?
just have friends introduce you to their friends bruh.
If you really want a wife you could try your luck at a supermarket. Sounds dumb, until you realize that a lot of cashiers are down-on-their-luck immigrant women with traditional values looking for a knight in shining armor to rescue them from a life of mundanity. Of course, it depends on what nationality the immigrant woman is, both in terms of looks and outlook. ;)
It's true that you will have a bigger chance of forming a deeper and more meaningful relationship if your significant other shares the same interests as you, but you might want to broaden your 'horizon', so to speak.
Games, anime and VR? I mean, come on. Apparently, you claim that you're fluent in Japanese, presumably to better watch 'anime'. How about you focus on the language aspect more. There is more to Japanese culture than just 'anime'.
And games/VR just devour all of your time.
Why are you making these exclusive? The church doesn't excommunicate you for Dancing or VR.
There's 168 hours in a week. 40 working, 56 sleeping, for a good 72 hours left over. You have time to be in multiple communities, just don't spend so much time online.
Only thing I would advise you not to do is set up your own community, because managing and growing it will be a sinkhole that eats all your time and prevents you from doing actual things in the real world. If you want to control a community then do it, but don't pretend it's an efficient path to get genuine connections with good people.
i don't think he's complaining about the time spent, just the people who went to these events are the same superficial normies he couldn't form connection with
Not gonna solve your entire problem, but you should find another church. I have the same problem as you where I feel like I'm isolated from the rest of the members with the cultural barrier and political differences. (They're conservative, but refuse to see the problem) Eventually one member joined that watches anime, but that's not a big deal for me anymore.
I can only confide in my pastor, but that's enough comfort for me to continue learning. Right now I'm just training myself for family in the future.
You assume hobbies and activities and meet like minded people. For many of us, thats becoming conservative traditionalist socializers. Hiking, camping, shooting, softballb/bowling/pool. Picking up smoking(cigars, pipes whatever) because the people on the smoke pad are more open fatalistic people. I have found good people to ...stand and sometimes enjoy country music with, and I would definitely go for the older metal(white) crowd too. The most important thing we need is community, specifically battle buddies to guard eachothers houses. Post Covid that's where my efforts are, the real, physical and BIFL.
I used to be a gamer. Have a good rig, but the VR I don't care to socialize much with, and my staple of games(production/rts) don't lend themselves to socializing much or stupid bullshit, cause whatever fuckin gender you are, the factory must grow.
I'm also in a pretty similar boat, I don't have any desire to move to Japan but visiting seems fun, so that avenue was closed to me a long time ago when I made that decision.
In terms of finding friends or people, I've not really had luck other than at work - some people I can get along with on a hobby and personal level, and others I've found good friendships in things I'm less interested in but still view positively, like guns, hunting, sports, their families and values in general.
Outside of that I've got my high school group I'm still very close with, even becoming adults at this point we have all grown in different but similar ways so that's been great to have.
And when looking for new people, every online space I've found has just been horrific for finding real friends. For finding a community or people that resonate with me, maybe KiA is the only place, but other than my random comments I don't really 'know' anyone here other than the common users in passing. I'm happy to have a place where I can find some unpozzed news and some people to commiserate with from time to time as we see the degeneracy take over and increase.
If you find a good place or make a good place to find something like what you are looking for, feel free to share it with us so we can find that kind of refuge too.
Try the YMCA. What you do is sneak in to the women's locker room, find some open lockers and sniff the panties in the locker. Find the ones that smell the best, then leave a note telling the owner that she's got a top notch crotch, along with your phone number.
Be careful not to get caught sneaking in, though. The Y might ban you.
i cant really awnser this... it has no correct awnser. the best i could tell you is your never going to find a perfect fit, also furries will show up almost anywhere some surprisingly arnt COMPLETE cancer but its rare. that said trying anyway... your probabbly better off trying what you mentioned and making a space for yourself and like minded people, if you go that route would wholey recomend a few rules no politicised topics, should be enough of a starter filter to keep the worst out as you build and add too it.
Not sure if you have/would be interested in a Switch, but I've had some success and met some solid sanelings in the Splatroon community (jokes aside)
-It's pretty bad in pure terms of a competitive shooter (16 ticks per second, p2p server model, buggy netcode), but it's got the Nintendo polish on the aesthetic, worldbuilding, music, etc...Very playable and enjoyable if you can stomach the occasional random DC. Lots of anime vibes kept strictly PG-lite by Nintendo.
-Troon month was insufferable but again, Nintendo's brand image protection caps a lot of the faggotry at tolerable levels in the game proper. Several attempts to make everything about 'pronouns' via social media mobbing have failed. During June the occasional pushback post managed to float to the top of my plaza (i.e. 'I don't care if you're trans. Ink Base.' That got 'em butthurt, lemme tell ya.) Also, whether through organic unpopularity or an intentional crackdown, the recent 'Free Palestine' trend did not catch on. In general the demographic seems invested in preserving the escapism and repelling woketoid shit.
-Good intersection of gaming/anime with about as big a smattering of Christians as one could hope for in these times. Spotting someone with a Bible verse handle or something like 'JesusGirl,' etc...is a daily occurrence more often than not. And on the topic of girls, it's got one of the more balanced demographics. Many of them are there to git gud, not pontificate feminit manifestos.
-General discord servers are about what you'd expect. I'd recommend looking for smaller servers dedicated to 3rd-party tools (some of the discord bots that integrate with the game, Lean's tools, stat.ink, etc...) or less popular game modes (Salmon Run Server for example has a tolerable and contained fraction of woketoids)
It'll take some time. If you just roll in and look around you probably won't be thrilled about your prospects. Be patient, hit up some of those smaller places, and chances are I'll find ya eventually. Maybe mention that engine of yours or list off some neat anime both here and there, or something. Won't tell you outright it's me, but maybe you'll always suspect.
(This goes for anyone in the same or a similar boat as OP)
The first thing to do is be sure you are confident about yourself. That was big for me in my 20s, because as a kid I felt like a lot of people treated me like an oddity, like there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. Instead, I had to accept myself and I don't waste time with people who see me as some project. I think I heard this on a podcast recently, but these guys were saying that if you're happy and confident home alone by yourself, good things all follow from that. I very much operate like that.
Something else I notice, it seems you define yourself by anime/games/VR and that's fairly limiting. Maybe it's fine if my first paragraph holds true, but I don't think you are if you're posting like this here. My suggestion is to try other things and be sure you aren't defining yourself by a single hobby.
You mention church, dance class, I assume you have a job or some sort of business connections. Pick out receptive people that share your values and take up opportunities to build relationships outside of expecting they must know about anime and games. I'm not friends with raging leftists, because if I found one that was a carbon copy of my interests I wouldn't want to put up with their values. You're already interacting with people, things will come up. Take them up on it. One example of my own, some new friends at the time were talking about playing golf. I'd never played it. That turned into, "oh I have some old clubs you can use take them out to a driving range a couple times and come play with us." So I did. I'm shit at it still to this day. Because of what I said earlier though, it doesn't bother me, I own it. Sure, I try, but it's a little out of my aptitudes and I don't progress that well. If friends had a problem with a shit golfer, that's a red flag they aren't friends anyway, just walk away. I don't play golf more than a few times a year now, but it was an in to building relationships and I'm still friends with some of those people and not just for some golf. It worked because while we don't necessarily share the same hobbies, we share similar values.
Historical Medieval Battle.
It's filled with right wing nerds like me.
You seek an all-in-one solution, but I don't think such a thing already exists. You're looking for a community of "you"s, a clonedom somewhere out there. And that simply isn't happening.
"The wise are few and far between", for sure, yeah, so... Go far between. Make one friend at church, one at the discoteka, one at the local War40k gaming hole... Wanna know a secret? People are pretty apathetic, in general, to the hobbies of others. To your church friend you're the friend who also does dance lessons. To the war-gamer, you're the one who bible-thumps on his off-hours. To the dancer, you got into it because of the Princess Tutu anime, or something. But at the end of the interaction... None of them care.
I've got a good friend, who does SCA fighting. I've got no interest in it. We're still good friends. I've got another friend who embodies the meme "my life is a gym", he'll lift weights while we chill watching anime streams, dude love the shonen work-hard-get-stronger storylines.
Your friends do not need to be clones of you. And they need not all come from the same location.
In Australia we have Men's Sheds