This right here. It’s a prequel to a Dark Knight Returns type story where three of the original turtles were already dead. It’s not Ghostbusters 2016 where they just swap everybody with chicks.
I was so sure this was going to turn out to be a parody article. It feels like the entirety of society is one elaborate prank right now and the punchline is falling flat.
"Next to nothing is known about the upcoming reboot, though it has been confirmed that Saturday Night Live writers (and brothers) Casey Jost and Colin Jost are rewriting a script previously penned by Andrew Dodge, while Michael Bay is back on board as producer.
Whether or not the film will re-tread the same territory of previous installments (the tiresome Turtles vs. Shredder format) remains to be seen, but it’s entirely possible that it will offer a far more refreshing interpretation of everyone’s favorite half-shell heroes."
Uh oh! Big pharma has been pouring estrogenic compounds in the sewers again and it's up to the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles to stop them! But this time it might be more than they bargained for!
"D-donatello, what in the SHELL is happening to us?! (Leonardo stares down at his comically convex shell breasts)"
"Listen Mikey just tell me I'm pretty... I don't care if its true or not, Mikey, please..." "YOU'RE LOOKIN' TOTALLY RIGHTEOUS, HON! I MEAN 'DON'!"
The turtles are at it again!
"SHREDDER, LIKE, TOTALLY JUST DEADNAMED US DUDES!"
Leonardina, Raphaela, Donatina, Michaelangela!
They're on a mission!
"COWABUNGA CHUDS!"
To find their feminine side!
(Trailer music halts as a fingerpainted door opens to Raphael reading a story to kids in full drag, crossing his legs over to the bewilderment, disgust, and fascination of everyone in the room as his mutated lovecraftian turtle dick is briefly and repeatedly exposed - Leonardo shakes his head with embarassment)
Originally they used Venus [de Milo] for a female TMNT character back in 1997 since the naming convention for the 4 guys were artists while Venus was the actual art piece.
So if they really wanted to remain consistent with that names like Mona Lisa, which was painted by Leonardo, would actually work.
The Venus de Milo wasn't even a piece by any of the 4 artists the TMNT are named for, however as with the above example for Leonardo and the Mona Lisa there were many pieces created by Donatello, Michaelanglo, and Raphael with the name Madonna/Mary, such as the Madonna and Child, Madonna della Pietà/La Pietà, and the Sistine Madonna, respective to the aforementioned artists. However having both Mona and Madonna/Mary would likely mean too many names beginning with M.
Lisa would likely fit however but then this line of thought is pointless in the first place because woke remakes are garbage for multiple reasons, let alone the replacement of historical characters.
Of course he wouldn't. Michael Bay is one of the few directors in Hollywood still focused on entertaining his target audience rather than propagandizing them.
They're at least competent regardless of how anyone feels about them.
Personally I think he's a mix bag with the older stuff being a lot better. Transformers and Turtles sucked, but The Rock and Bad Boys are pretty dang good movies.
And those criticisms are that his films prioritize spectacle over substance, that they're usually thin on plot and character development yet full of hot chicks and explosions. I think the response "I am deliberately targeting an audience that is looking for these things" is less a deflection and more of an acknowledgement.
no i don't mean just the thin plots and explosions, i mean also the camera works and editing, they're just bad craftsmanship. Michael Bay sounds like someone who doesn't care to improve his craft because he's just making contents for adhd teens.
His movies are generic and filled with explosions so they are popular.
Writing can be poor, characters flat with bad acting, but if you want a "brain off" action movie he's not the worst pick out there.
His previous work includes the Transormers franchise [lots of big robots and explosions], The Purge franchise, The Island, Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Bad Boys 1 and 2, The Rock, and an absurdly long list of music videos for some reason which includes Meat Loaf's "I'd do anything for love (but I won't do that)" as well as 3 other Meat Loaf vids.
It's a sequel to the Last Ronin, so it's a side story anyway.
This right here. It’s a prequel to a Dark Knight Returns type story where three of the original turtles were already dead. It’s not Ghostbusters 2016 where they just swap everybody with chicks.
Satire is dead in a woke world. It can't compete.
Obligatory Babylon Bee from 2019.
I was so sure this was going to turn out to be a parody article. It feels like the entirety of society is one elaborate prank right now and the punchline is falling flat.
This whole article is baseless speculation.
Uh oh! Big pharma has been pouring estrogenic compounds in the sewers again and it's up to the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles to stop them! But this time it might be more than they bargained for!
"D-donatello, what in the SHELL is happening to us?! (Leonardo stares down at his comically convex shell breasts)"
"Listen Mikey just tell me I'm pretty... I don't care if its true or not, Mikey, please..." "YOU'RE LOOKIN' TOTALLY RIGHTEOUS, HON! I MEAN 'DON'!"
The turtles are at it again!
"SHREDDER, LIKE, TOTALLY JUST DEADNAMED US DUDES!"
Leonardina, Raphaela, Donatina, Michaelangela!
They're on a mission!
"COWABUNGA CHUDS!"
To find their feminine side!
(Trailer music halts as a fingerpainted door opens to Raphael reading a story to kids in full drag, crossing his legs over to the bewilderment, disgust, and fascination of everyone in the room as his mutated lovecraftian turtle dick is briefly and repeatedly exposed - Leonardo shakes his head with embarassment)
Originally they used Venus [de Milo] for a female TMNT character back in 1997 since the naming convention for the 4 guys were artists while Venus was the actual art piece.
So if they really wanted to remain consistent with that names like Mona Lisa, which was painted by Leonardo, would actually work.
The Venus de Milo wasn't even a piece by any of the 4 artists the TMNT are named for, however as with the above example for Leonardo and the Mona Lisa there were many pieces created by Donatello, Michaelanglo, and Raphael with the name Madonna/Mary, such as the Madonna and Child, Madonna della Pietà/La Pietà, and the Sistine Madonna, respective to the aforementioned artists. However having both Mona and Madonna/Mary would likely mean too many names beginning with M.
Lisa would likely fit however but then this line of thought is pointless in the first place because woke remakes are garbage for multiple reasons, let alone the replacement of historical characters.
Why would you do that? We already have R34 for that so you better hope there isn't a porn parody that looks better as that happened to ironheart.
Translation tmnt sequel kills franchise.
They aren't even using pre-existing characters, this is going to bomb hard.
Devil's advocate: The turtles have always been half-human mutants, so them being human shaped is the least objectionable thing here.
Isn't part of their mutation due to their human contact with pre-mutated Shredder?
They're exposed to the ooze after exposure to either Master Yoshi, or whatever humans were presumably handling them at the pet shop.
Of course he wouldn't. Michael Bay is one of the few directors in Hollywood still focused on entertaining his target audience rather than propagandizing them.
They're at least competent regardless of how anyone feels about them.
Personally I think he's a mix bag with the older stuff being a lot better. Transformers and Turtles sucked, but The Rock and Bad Boys are pretty dang good movies.
if you like in your face shakey cams and explosions, sure.
-Michael Bay
what a way to deflect genuine criticisms.
And those criticisms are that his films prioritize spectacle over substance, that they're usually thin on plot and character development yet full of hot chicks and explosions. I think the response "I am deliberately targeting an audience that is looking for these things" is less a deflection and more of an acknowledgement.
no i don't mean just the thin plots and explosions, i mean also the camera works and editing, they're just bad craftsmanship. Michael Bay sounds like someone who doesn't care to improve his craft because he's just making contents for adhd teens.
"Today's movies are made for 13-year-olds and China."
Anthony Mackie
His movies are generic and filled with explosions so they are popular.
Writing can be poor, characters flat with bad acting, but if you want a "brain off" action movie he's not the worst pick out there.
His previous work includes the Transormers franchise [lots of big robots and explosions], The Purge franchise, The Island, Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Bad Boys 1 and 2, The Rock, and an absurdly long list of music videos for some reason which includes Meat Loaf's "I'd do anything for love (but I won't do that)" as well as 3 other Meat Loaf vids.