This might apply less if your brain is less broken than mine. Like, I’ve only just realized that having had three different Facebook accounts in the last 11 or so years (starting over again each time) is considered highly unusual, to most people… As is not having a “professional” career. As is being a “loner”/not really having a friend group. As is being perpetually single in your twenties. As is not having a degree. So…
I’m well aware that I’m far from “the norm”.
But holy fuck. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alienated from “normal society”, or so… Fucking isolated. Even compared to during lockdowns… Everyone I know is getting married, having kids, expressing the same damn opinions, and just generally… Moving on a path that I’m not sure I can follow…
I’ve tried. I’ve really, really tried, but it’s just like… When everyone around you says and thinks the same (apparently), and follows the same damn path, and then doesn’t include you in it (most hurtful thing: fucking none of them inviting me to their weddings. Not even my “best friend” growing up), it’s easy to feel like some sort of crazy freak…
Things seem to be getting more and more like this, too. Like, with how far away, collectively, society gets from its “roots”, or any sort of… Moral grounding, it’s hard not to feel like the crazy one…
I dunno. I’m spiralling. Today has been another reminder that I’m just… Probably not able to keep going, unfortunately.
But it’s hard not to already feel like I’m pushing against a giant wave of wacky bullshit that everyone else is more than happy to go along with, even if some of us drown in it along the way. 😔
I'd take that as a sign that they weren't really your friends to begin and exposed themselves.
Either way, as you get older, you don't have as many friends (if at all). Even your own friends are going there separate ways.
INB4 TheImp, but this is why you find a good woman that you can spend the rest of your life with. You don't have to marry, but you're gonna want someone around.
Your self-talk sounds like shit. You gotta fix that because it's gonna make you depressed and the more time you spend alone, the more it matters.
Here's a link to the audio book of Cernovich's, "Gorilla Mindset". Just sit through and listen to the first few chapters.
https://youtu.be/Fjh5gknoRb4
The TL;DW is that, you wouldn't talk to a friend like how you talk to yourself, so learn to view and rephrase things in a positive manner.
If you're a NEET, you gotta change that.
Pick up a trade like plumbing or electrician. About a year or two's worth of learning and you can make a good living.
Save your money and put it towards investments. Keep reinvesting those profits, too.
Also, hit the gym. You've heard this a million times by now so I won't go any deeper, but it's true.
Looking good = feeling good.
Gym thing is tricky, because I also have a chronic illness which... Fucks with a whole bunch of stuff.
I can really only manage fitness, right now. Might be able to do some strength stuff, when this relapse wears off (if it does. It's been three weeks), but yeah...
A lot of shit in my life hasn't necessarily been as the result of shit choices on my part - my life has just... Unfolded in a shit way.
Which sounds like I'm making excuses. Fine. But fuck. Every time I try and sort shit out, and get back on my feet, something fucking awful happens.
My savings get spent on healthcare. That's... Just where they have to go. It's important to bear that in mind.
Take it one step at a time since it's a lot to get into, more so for someone in your situation.
It's a good thing that you made this thread because there's lots of people like you and it's nice to know they're not alone. There's also a lot of people that got out of similar struggles and you should feel better knowing that you can do the same.
BTW don't be afraid to ask for help, like if someone knows of any job openings or has advice on careers to pursue. RW circles are very helpful and all you need is that one connection to turn your life around.
Hope your health improves. Take care.
Thanks man. ‘Preciate it. Honestly, I’m at the point now of “Fuck it, I’m just going to try a bunch of shit and see what sticks.”
Which means shit like messaging a few “missed chances” and seeing where that’s at. It means just doing shit “my way”, and trying, trying to be a little bit “better”…
This morning was awful. I “reconnected” with someone from my childhood, only to be told how perfect their life was now, and how successful and content they are, despite being younger than me. So… Fuck it.
Yeah, I’m the jobs thing. Maybe I should ask, hey?
Unfortunately things vary hugely by jurisdiction, though.
Found out yesterday that you now need a diploma (1 - 2 years study) to be a fucking arborist, in this country…
I just… Like, for fuck’s sake. It’s getting pretty ridiculous, the “pre-training” required for anything, in Aus. 🤷🏻♂️
People often talk up their situation and many are truly miserable under the surface. I have seen behind the curtain on a number of people, and their reality does not reflect their image.
True. Still, if I had what they had - spouse/long-term partner, job doing what they love, kid, degree, stable accommodation, maybe even a home they own - while I might not be truly "happy", I am 100% sure I would be happier than I am now.
So, you're right, but... It still fucking sucks, even though I try not to compare.
You’re probably right about the friends thing. However that raises the conundrum that all my friendships did that. Which means what? I had no real friends? Is that it? That’s the shatter point…
Admittedly, that should have been clear when I moved away, and barely heard from any of them again, but I’m the common factor there. That’s the particularly shitty thing about it…
But yeah, I’ve never gone out of my way to catch up with any of these people again, after they left me out. I’ll say that much.
Hence the isolation, though. 🤷🏻♂️
Would you treat your friends like they treated you? If not, were they really your friends or was your "friendship" contingent on something superficial?
For example, if you had lots of money, you'd have lots of friends because you're spending that money with them. But the moment you can no longer make money, they'll disappear from your life. Those people aren't "friends".
No, I would never have treated them the way they treated me. And yeah, that's pretty much it. "Oh, you're depressed? Nah, that's too hard. Bye now."
Or, "Oh, you're still not married? You still don't own a house?". Nah, don't really want to talk to you...
"Friends", hey?
If I ever get married, I probably won't even do a ceremony, because those are the kind of people I know (mostly), unfortunately.
At this point, fuck 'em.
Trades are the same length of training/apprenticeship here as a degree is. In fact, longer, actually (five years).
It’s more practical for me to get the degree, at this point. It just is. No matter how much I might struggle with that…
Agree with most of the rest. Doubt I’ll make it that far, though, tbh.
It’s not “self talk” as much as it is just reality, at this point. It’s not like I’m not trying…
Re: years: it sounds like it's based on location.
You know your situation better than I do, but I'll just say: be sure you have a job lined up when you complete college cuz you're just gonna be holding a worthless piece of paper + debt and you know how disadvantaged you are in today's corporate environment.
It's both. You felt down about your friends selling you out and blamed it on yourself. You're also not happy with your life, but you shouldn't blame yourself for how your friends treated you. Either way, use that as motivation to improve your life.
Yeah, valid.
I guess in the end, life isn't fucking fair, and it so happens that I've had a lot of shit happen to me that perhaps other people (even around me) haven't...
It's frustrating, because I don't want much. I just want the normal shit: a decent job that I don't hate, some friends (ideally), a partner, stable accommodation.
I've worked hard, but I've got none of that. After a while, that becomes really, really disillusioning.
You ever heard the song "Khe Sanh" by Cold Chisel (Australian band)..?
It's about a returning Vietnam vet, and his disillusionment with society after coming home.
Of course, I've never served, but a lot of the shit it talks about, seeing old friends "married and knocked up", and coasting from job to job, while never really fitting in..? Yeah, I really feel that right now...
And it's really fucking tiring.
Can you afford a port-a-torch kit? Harris makes it, but it's sold under the Lincoln Electric label too. It doesn't take that long to learn it honestly, and you can up your handyman skills. Might be able to buy a vehicle to carry it in, too.
He's already mentally fucked, you shouldn't add suicidal ideation.
Has it ever occurred to you that comments like these are the reason all the "bots" hate your guts?
Don't bother replying, I already know the answer.
So I should just let people be pushed into the second most deadly ideology after transgenderism?
.....heterosexuality?
Marriage. Married and recently divorced men are the second most likely group to commit suicide, even when population is accounted for.
Gee thanks man.
Really needed to hear that.
"Mentally fucked". Woo.
You were just a annoying, now I sincerely wish you'd get permabanned.
Somewhat funnily enough, actually, I’m already at your second point.
For some people, reaching that point is an impulsive thing. For me, it hasn’t been.
I’ve been thinking about it for a very, very long time.
Slowly, but surely, the things that “held me here” have slipped away. And now? I’m kind of “ready”, to be honest.
So… I don’t need a woman, or a relationship, to push me to that point. I’m there already. I’ve been there a lot longer than I’ve been on this damn forum.
If that changes, great, but I’m rapidly running out of “hope” that it will.
And I know that’s not funny, or witty, or anything I might usually try to bring, but… I’m just not up to that right now.
Sometimes life is too shit to make light of it. 🤷🏻♂️
Thanks for some of your advice, anyway. It’s been useful, sometimes.
But I’m just done, frankly. And that is… Not even “sad”, anymore. It just is.
But enough about the wet side of the Pacific North West.
Pity, I like the geography, and the place gave me good memories.
Me too. I think about it every day.
I've come to accept this.
That I have no homeland. No country, no home to go back to.
Regardless, I will preserve Ted-sensei's wise teachings, and continue to survive. For my very existence fills them with seething, furious rage.
I'll never forget how early in the covid scare, imp was arguing that it was impossible to live without Amazon.
Based on my experience, normal is a common set of experiences and an IQ below 120. If you don't have one of those, you are weird. For some reason people don't look beyond the 120 mark for explanations in personality and just ascribe it to autism or something.
I think I pretty much had a breakdown today… Yesterday was the sad, then the extreme frustration, today I’ve been taking out my anger and hurt by starting some extreme, rapid spring cleaning, lol…
Because if I can’t control anything else, at least I can control that…
I’m pretty much done. With everything. So at least cleaning… Leaves things back at square one.
Fuck everything else, basically.
Find some people you can have an honest to god discussion of stuff you enjoy. Forget about the political stuff and find someone with similar hobbies as you. Turn off the social media and find a local haunt for the kind of stuff you like.
You’d be surprised how easy it is to get rid of that alienated feeling when you are making basic conversations that you actually enjoy.
I had an in group but lost it due to attrition like children, jobs out of other states, etc. After the locks downs, I really felt lonelier than ever and said “Fuck it, I’m talking to people.” Just having to confidence to blindly daily “Hi” to the dentist and talk about something other than work makes other people break out of that shell, too. Literally had it happen last week that the talk went from basic eye surgery to talking about guns stores and Target being faggy.
Your right that being in a different country will get vastly different ideas but if people hate you already, what do you have to lose? Fuck what people think about you: You worry about the current conversation and you’ll be pleasantly surprised when people come out of the woodwork and start talking to you with similar interests.
What's the Northeast (Newcastle, Sunderland, etc) like, these days?
Poor, I know, but as a classic "working class" area that has had to gentrify and diversify, I assume that makes for... An interesting collection of people.
Weirdly, I met someone at a gig, recently (the muso who was performing), on literally the other side of the world, who is living and working there at the moment, because he reckoned it was a good city for that kind of thing...
Obviously much, much cheaper than London, too. I'm sure that's partly why he moved there, lol.
I'd probably have gone off the deep end years ago if it weren't for my cousins and siblings being so tight-knit.
I did do this two days ago. It was... Less fun, than I might have hoped. Like, I "put myself out there", but people get really weird when you go to places on your own, and you're obviously there alone, and not a tourist...
Not that I won't (probably) do the same again, when I next have time, but fundamentally, I can't tell you how awkward people behave, at least here, when they see you regularly appearing at things alone. :-/
Let me tell you a secret: It’s only awkward if you feel it being awkward. It’s like an aura or scent that comes off when people feel awkward and that makes other people feel that way, too. To break this mental pseudo-contagion, you ask questions about the other person’s interests.
Example: I literally had a stranger walk up yesterday and we went had a full 40 minute conversation on repairing boats. I know nothing about boating and told him so but kept him talking and informing about types of propellers and his recent purchases because I kept it going by being generally interested but naive. Will we talk again? Maybe not but that conversation meant the world to him and meant the world to me since I was feeling lack of human interaction.
Yeah, I had similar with a high-end car dealer (of all things), the other day... I went because it was an "open day", for 75 years of Porsche, so I assumed they would have some old cars, and the like.
Didn't quite pan out that way, for various reasons, and I'm sure it was obvious to the guy that I'm never going to be able to afford the latest 911 (not in this lifetime) that he had on display, but nonetheless, I really like cars, and car racing, so we got to talking about that, including his rallying career, and obviously I talked about the cars on display, and the Porsche brand, too...
So yes.
But then I went to a hipster bar nearby, which had a music and wine tasting event on (as part of a wider festival that is happening here, atm).
It was shit. Woke as fuck, and every in there was so far up their own arses that it felt genuinely unpleasant to be there.
I tried making conversation (about the wine, mostly, and the music. Obviously). They just... Weren't interested. And there was no real "engagement" on their part.
So I went to an art gallery opening nearby. That was... Just shit, frankly. Ugly, loud, androgynous people and shitty, degenerate art. But I tried to engage anyway. That was less alienating than the bar, I guess, but I honestly just couldn't believe the pretence of what they were passing off as "art".
So then I wandered, and ran into a young-ish, well off couple I know, who proceeded to lecture me about "what are you doing with your life, and why is it not medicine?"
And then I went home.
So believe me, I tried. But it was all a bit shit. And I do not have time (or money) to do this shit on the regular, anyway. So yeah.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to engage with old friends/people I used to know well, in the digital realm, for various reasons, and it is much, much worse. Than any of that.
As has been expressed throughout these comments.
It doesn't take much for people, even people you once knew well, to look down on you, and when they do..? Well, evidently there is only so long that they can hold that in for...
Bad, bad times.
Fundamentally, I'm isolated from mainstream political opinions, but that's why I never tend to actually bring them up.
I tend to talk to Leftists about specific topics, one at a time, rather than challenging their over-arching narrative, and it does more subversive damage to their indoctrination and builds trust with me.
But it's not about really being isolated from society. Frankly, I don't care a lot about society because society gives less than zero shits if I burn alive in front of them. It's much more important to craft friendships and care what your friends, family, and co-workers think of you, than "society" in abstract.
"Bonds of sentiment" mean everything. Society does not.
Since our civilization is utterly destroyed, society has gone with it, but both are built from the building blocks of "bonds of sentiment", and so that's where you have to start.
Individuate. Don't care about society, don't care about people, care about persons. Don't care about women, care about Sarah. Don't care about employers, care about Mr. Adams. Don't care about friends, care about James.
If everyone does it, we'll get our civilization back.
People are narcissistic, lying, cowardly, stupid trash.
Definitely not alone. Most friends are not true friends and when they start getting married, it becomes very obvious. Wait until till they start getting divorced and they will come out of the woodwork. Ignore.
You sound miserable enough that I'm very likely right when I assume that you don't have any family, or at least don't have good relations with them?
If I was you I'd acquire a skillset assuming you don't have one, save up money, and move, though that's a long term plan. it's not like you have anything to leave behind to care about anyways judging from your story, better to try that at least before raising the hand on yourself. Good luck.
I'd prefer if you didn't "go". Stay...and change. I have much in common with you, I see. Quick youcrap recommendation: Thomas Sheridan
Let the failures follow their poorly chosen paths. They won't invite you to their wedding, but you'll get to see the fireworks show that will be their financial funeral in a few years.
Probably true. I'm not quite sure I'll make it to the point of seeing that, en masse, but yes. I don't think I know a single divorcee my age, yet, but I'm sure there will be a few, in a few years.
Mate send me a PM...
Sure, why not. When I figure out how to do that on here, anyway!
Thanks man. Yeah.
On the second point, true, but I honestly feel that I struggle much more than most people seem to, and than I probably should…
Which has become incredibly tiring and disillusioning. I’m a little sick of hauling arse, only for life to take a great steaming dump on me all over again, tbh…