This might apply less if your brain is less broken than mine. Like, I’ve only just realized that having had three different Facebook accounts in the last 11 or so years (starting over again each time) is considered highly unusual, to most people… As is not having a “professional” career. As is being a “loner”/not really having a friend group. As is being perpetually single in your twenties. As is not having a degree. So…
I’m well aware that I’m far from “the norm”.
But holy fuck. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alienated from “normal society”, or so… Fucking isolated. Even compared to during lockdowns… Everyone I know is getting married, having kids, expressing the same damn opinions, and just generally… Moving on a path that I’m not sure I can follow…
I’ve tried. I’ve really, really tried, but it’s just like… When everyone around you says and thinks the same (apparently), and follows the same damn path, and then doesn’t include you in it (most hurtful thing: fucking none of them inviting me to their weddings. Not even my “best friend” growing up), it’s easy to feel like some sort of crazy freak…
Things seem to be getting more and more like this, too. Like, with how far away, collectively, society gets from its “roots”, or any sort of… Moral grounding, it’s hard not to feel like the crazy one…
I dunno. I’m spiralling. Today has been another reminder that I’m just… Probably not able to keep going, unfortunately.
But it’s hard not to already feel like I’m pushing against a giant wave of wacky bullshit that everyone else is more than happy to go along with, even if some of us drown in it along the way. 😔
I had an in group but lost it due to attrition like children, jobs out of other states, etc. After the locks downs, I really felt lonelier than ever and said “Fuck it, I’m talking to people.” Just having to confidence to blindly daily “Hi” to the dentist and talk about something other than work makes other people break out of that shell, too. Literally had it happen last week that the talk went from basic eye surgery to talking about guns stores and Target being faggy.
Your right that being in a different country will get vastly different ideas but if people hate you already, what do you have to lose? Fuck what people think about you: You worry about the current conversation and you’ll be pleasantly surprised when people come out of the woodwork and start talking to you with similar interests.
What's the Northeast (Newcastle, Sunderland, etc) like, these days?
Poor, I know, but as a classic "working class" area that has had to gentrify and diversify, I assume that makes for... An interesting collection of people.
Weirdly, I met someone at a gig, recently (the muso who was performing), on literally the other side of the world, who is living and working there at the moment, because he reckoned it was a good city for that kind of thing...
Obviously much, much cheaper than London, too. I'm sure that's partly why he moved there, lol.