This might apply less if your brain is less broken than mine. Like, I’ve only just realized that having had three different Facebook accounts in the last 11 or so years (starting over again each time) is considered highly unusual, to most people… As is not having a “professional” career. As is being a “loner”/not really having a friend group. As is being perpetually single in your twenties. As is not having a degree. So…

I’m well aware that I’m far from “the norm”.

But holy fuck. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alienated from “normal society”, or so… Fucking isolated. Even compared to during lockdowns… Everyone I know is getting married, having kids, expressing the same damn opinions, and just generally… Moving on a path that I’m not sure I can follow…

I’ve tried. I’ve really, really tried, but it’s just like… When everyone around you says and thinks the same (apparently), and follows the same damn path, and then doesn’t include you in it (most hurtful thing: fucking none of them inviting me to their weddings. Not even my “best friend” growing up), it’s easy to feel like some sort of crazy freak…

Things seem to be getting more and more like this, too. Like, with how far away, collectively, society gets from its “roots”, or any sort of… Moral grounding, it’s hard not to feel like the crazy one…

I dunno. I’m spiralling. Today has been another reminder that I’m just… Probably not able to keep going, unfortunately.

But it’s hard not to already feel like I’m pushing against a giant wave of wacky bullshit that everyone else is more than happy to go along with, even if some of us drown in it along the way. 😔