This might apply less if your brain is less broken than mine. Like, I’ve only just realized that having had three different Facebook accounts in the last 11 or so years (starting over again each time) is considered highly unusual, to most people… As is not having a “professional” career. As is being a “loner”/not really having a friend group. As is being perpetually single in your twenties. As is not having a degree. So…
I’m well aware that I’m far from “the norm”.
But holy fuck. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alienated from “normal society”, or so… Fucking isolated. Even compared to during lockdowns… Everyone I know is getting married, having kids, expressing the same damn opinions, and just generally… Moving on a path that I’m not sure I can follow…
I’ve tried. I’ve really, really tried, but it’s just like… When everyone around you says and thinks the same (apparently), and follows the same damn path, and then doesn’t include you in it (most hurtful thing: fucking none of them inviting me to their weddings. Not even my “best friend” growing up), it’s easy to feel like some sort of crazy freak…
Things seem to be getting more and more like this, too. Like, with how far away, collectively, society gets from its “roots”, or any sort of… Moral grounding, it’s hard not to feel like the crazy one…
I dunno. I’m spiralling. Today has been another reminder that I’m just… Probably not able to keep going, unfortunately.
But it’s hard not to already feel like I’m pushing against a giant wave of wacky bullshit that everyone else is more than happy to go along with, even if some of us drown in it along the way. 😔
Trades are the same length of training/apprenticeship here as a degree is. In fact, longer, actually (five years).
It’s more practical for me to get the degree, at this point. It just is. No matter how much I might struggle with that…
Agree with most of the rest. Doubt I’ll make it that far, though, tbh.
It’s not “self talk” as much as it is just reality, at this point. It’s not like I’m not trying…
Re: years: it sounds like it's based on location.
You know your situation better than I do, but I'll just say: be sure you have a job lined up when you complete college cuz you're just gonna be holding a worthless piece of paper + debt and you know how disadvantaged you are in today's corporate environment.
It's both. You felt down about your friends selling you out and blamed it on yourself. You're also not happy with your life, but you shouldn't blame yourself for how your friends treated you. Either way, use that as motivation to improve your life.
Yeah, valid.
I guess in the end, life isn't fucking fair, and it so happens that I've had a lot of shit happen to me that perhaps other people (even around me) haven't...
It's frustrating, because I don't want much. I just want the normal shit: a decent job that I don't hate, some friends (ideally), a partner, stable accommodation.
I've worked hard, but I've got none of that. After a while, that becomes really, really disillusioning.
You ever heard the song "Khe Sanh" by Cold Chisel (Australian band)..?
It's about a returning Vietnam vet, and his disillusionment with society after coming home.
Of course, I've never served, but a lot of the shit it talks about, seeing old friends "married and knocked up", and coasting from job to job, while never really fitting in..? Yeah, I really feel that right now...
And it's really fucking tiring.
Can you afford a port-a-torch kit? Harris makes it, but it's sold under the Lincoln Electric label too. It doesn't take that long to learn it honestly, and you can up your handyman skills. Might be able to buy a vehicle to carry it in, too.