Yeah I get that in real life too lol. I get a lot of misreads from people who first meet me. It doesn't bother me and I understand when people want to put me in a box. It's when they start treating me like the box they want me in that I've always found funny.
My nerd culture knowledge really just doesn't dip that far into internet lore. I grew up on video games and know a lot about card games and tabletops etc, but I don't follow meme lore too deeply or take it too seriously.
I'm not nagging you to fight "again" I'm nagging you to respond. I think good points were brought up and they deserved proper attention. Each message you learn something new about me that, maybe, you'd have come into a previous message with a different POV had you known XYZ earlier.
"Unusual mix of character traits" is a good one. A friend of mine once said that I am "like a magic eye, where you can't tell what I am until you look at me just right."
You never needed "great detail" to explain yourself. I was just looking for some detail because I found your reaction to my thought really amusing, and had assumed that you built up an idea of who I was and what I had done.
now I don't suspect I need to be the fiery asshole to shock someone out of complacency anymore I just want to go back to chilling out and making jokes.
Great news! You never need to be. Chilling out and making jokes is my general MO, and I still know how to turn on the heat and get shit done if need be. Happy to let you know you can have it both ways.
I get that you're worried about people making poor choices, but it's like your taking that fear into aggression on me. It's like you want to believe you've found someone who truly validates these fears and you want to express your ire about it.
I'm happy to say that my willingness to take responsible actions and encourage others to do the same is quite high. If you want to doubt that, fine, but of course I'm going to respond if you're going to just immediately come out guns drawn without even bothering to assess my character before making a judgement.
I also get and apologize for this feeling like it's going in circles, but you've got to understand that for much of this you do speak quite generally of what you were worried about and you did not give very clear answers.
"slightly annoying" is probably a more appropriate description
Yeah we def have different alignments on what constitutes annoying.
I don't find it slightly annoying to help people, so I don't see this perspective. Like I find it "slightly annoying" in the sense I find it "slightly annoying" that my food doesn't arrive the very second I order it, but that's just part of life. If my neighbor came to me and said his bike got stolen, I wouldn't be all that annoyed at him for any reason.
(By the way, I'm 36. Well familiar with the Zelda series)
I'm not bumping you to be annoying, I'm bumping because there are valid points to discuss that I want to hear your perspective on. You came in hot to challenge, so I want to keep that energy alive.
You are not trying. You have never tried. You have thought about it, but you have not tried. I think you should finally start trying to get out on your own and talk to people. I’ve given you many instructions on how to do so.
It's explicitly encouraged. Act on that.
You are obsessed with women. You don't have independence. There should be no argument there.
I've given you a lot of ways you could help yourself. You've tried absolutely none of them. You have not ever tried to take the initiative to meet someone new. Understand this as your reality, so then you can finally learn how to put forth an effort.
Well, normal people at your age would be allowed to go out on their own as adults. Either way, being “allowed” is not the issue. As it stands, you've been given explicit permission if not encouragement to get out on your own by both your mother and your father. Your mother even said you could take the car.
You don't have to go to a bar. You can also look up classes or alcohol free events. I've already told you explicitly how you can do that.
I have only had the opportunity to go to a bar twice in my life and I doubt my parents wanted me wandering off.
Okay, so, therefore, you have never made an effort. It's not meant to be a put down, you genuinely have never made the effort to speak with and meet someone new. This is something that you need to learn how to do in order to meet your goal.
unless you just expect me to start going out to eat regularly just to get out of the house.
Yes. That's what normal people do. And then you make the effort to talk with people. This is what you have never tried.
Okay, so you have never made an effort to have casual conversation with a stranger at a bar. You need to be able to admit this fact about yourself. You can't keep pretending this isn't true. The first time you only talked to your friend, the second time you only talked to family.
I don't know the search terms to use
"Bar near me where mid 20s people hang out." "Brewery near me." "Dive bar near me."
Now you know them. Use them.
You're telling me to "go to shops and talk to the owners about them"
Yes. That's literally what I'm saying.
I walked into a plant shop months ago and chatted with him about plant care and how long he's owned the shop. I went to a wine bar about a year ago and chatted with the owner and the bartender about wine and what wines they like because I didn't know what to drink. They know me by name now. I patronize a sandwich shop across the street from me frequently and she gives me free soup and we chat about music and our lives.
It's how you learn to converse with people. I'm teaching you how to do that as a means to reach your goals. This is required of you to know how to do.
And in this time at the bar, did you make any attempt to have casual conversation with a stranger, where you did all of the talking yourself? "Planning on it" doesn't count. Did you actually make an attempt to talk with anyone that wasn't related to you?
Probably would have better luck if I could find some place like that though hopefully one with a younger crowd. I've just never had the guidance in life to be able to find things like that.
You know how to use a search engine.
What are you even talking about? What shops would I even be going to?
This is what normal people do. This is how normal people have conversations, and become more familiar and ingrained with their community, building a social network. I'm once again giving you guidance and you're refusing to do it. We’ve already talked about places you could go to converse with people.
You don’t find peers because you dont try. You stay inside all day, and the rare times you do go out you keep your head down and leave as soon as you can.
When is the last time you went to a bar and hung out for more than an hour? When is the last time you talked to a shop owner about their store? Fucking NEVER.
Because you don’t try.
I don't leave the house without my parents or talk to anyone
Right! So that means you don’t try! There is no period of every time you tried because you’ve never left the house without your parents doing all the talking for you. This means that you do not try
That's why I call you a liar, because you say you try when you don't.
There is no “every time” you’ve done something because you’ve never gone out to just meet people and have casual conversation. That’s what you need to work on. That’s what it takes.
You aren’t trying hard, at all.
You can go out at any time, you are choosing not to.
You blatantly lie. It’s not twisting words, the things you type are blatant lies.
I don't leave my house because I can't find peers when I go out.
You barely go out. When you do, you keep your head down and you leave as soon as you can. You can't find anyone because you don't look.
why would I keep trying to do the same things that are clearly not working rather than wanting to try something different.
You don't even know what different thing you want to do. You have to figure that out on your own. So many people have offered you help that you refuse to take, so now it's up to you to actually figure out what you want to do.
every time I try my search comes up empty and any time I tell people about this online they call me a liar.
That's because you are a liar. You lie a lot.
Yes, I do want to hear what’s in your mind. That’s why I’m asking you this question.
It should be pretty fucking clear that I'm skeptical that you actually took any significantly meaningful action before retreating into fantasy
And, again, I’m asking you, what is that action that you expect me to take? You refuse(d) to be clear on that. (Until this comment, I've addressed it later)
The logic is you had to buy a new lock because the old lock catastrophically failed to protect your bike.
I had to buy a new lock because the old lock was taken. When I buy I new bike, I buy a new lock. This isn’t hard to grasp. My new lock is quite different from the old one, easier to store, easier to carry around, collapsible, and rigid. My old U lock was clumsy. Even when I had my U lock, I had seen these other locks people were using that I liked a lot more.
I didn’t go from lowest quality to highest, but I did go with a significantly different form factor
Saying "I think we'd all be happier if we just all believed [token fairytale bullshit]" is still encouragement to believe in fairytale bullshit
I would 100% agree. I never said this though. I only spoke for myself and said that I choose to think this way. Do I actually believe my bike is being ridden by some down and out guy? Nope! The reality is I have no idea where my bike is. It could be scrapped for parts for all I know. I just choose to think this way, years down the line, because it literally costs nothing and does no harm I think this way. I have made no statement about what the rest of the world does or “we’d all be happier if…”
Why attribute these statements to me? You’re getting worked up about things that you put onto me, instead of about things I actually say or do.
Really depends on how your bike got stolen.
It was stolen out of my condo building. I spoke to all of my neighbors asking if they saw anything, looked at camera footage with the condo association, the locks to the exterior doors all got changed, and I posted about it on my community pages. I filed a police report and followed up with the cops. I got local social media pages posting about it as well. I spent a couple weeks trying to find anything about where it could be and got nothing. Trail is ice cold by now. I did all of this years ago.
None of this is “asshole” behavior by the way lol. My neighbors and friends were glad to help me out, just as I’d be glad to help out someone asking for assistance.
Is that what you were looking for? Did you assume I just did none of this because I choose to think that now, four years later, it might be ridden by someone who is happy with it?
I addressed that paragraph already specifically. I asked the question about what I should do instead because that paragraph doesn’t answer it. I’m plenty satisfied with things currently. I told you I got over it. I genuinely don’t get why you’re thinking otherwise.
But what’s “properly,” in terms of seething? How long am I supposed to seethe? I’m not gonna keep being angry about a bike years later when it doesn’t bring any good to the picture. Does it make the world a better place for me to seethe longer? To keep asking why? How many more times do I have to ask why?
maybe you subconsciously knew that just throwing money at a new bike lock wasn't really doing very much, given the "new" implies the old one didn't exactly work.
Pretty big stretch, friend. I'm not even sure what you mean by the logic. My new bike lock is sick.
“New” implies recent and “old” implies previous. I got a different brand that I like using a lot more than my old U lock. I had wanted one even before my bike was stolen. I called it new because it was new and I had to buy a new lock
I'd stop encouraging people to retreat into fiction instead of taking charge of their community's problems
Great, I know what you want me not to do. I’m glad I haven’t done that. You'll notice I've never done any encouraging in this thread, only shared my perspective.
What would you do differently that you think I have not yet done? You mentioned “Sometimes you have to look like the bad guy superficially and burn some social capital sometimes to do actual good things long term.” What is it that I have to do that does actual good long term despite burning social capital?
Is your answer to literally just seethe more? Because that’s all you’ve said so far. I hope not. I literally don't see the purpose in still being angry about it. I’ve gotten the new bike, I’ve set better care to make sure it doesn’t happen again, I’m satisfied with where I’m at now. What else are you expecting me to do?
(I'm predicting a "I've given you all the answers you figure it out now" but I'm really hoping you're able to at least articulate something instead of trying to play coy and mysterious like I see so often in discussions like this)
You're supposed to seethe a little bit when your bike gets stolen, and yes you're supposed to do something to stop seething about it...You're supposed to ask why your bike was stolen with no consequence even though we as a society have agreed that theft is, in fact, wrong. You're supposed to think about what missing safeguards would have prevented that and advocate for their instatement, or if someone was negligent in their duty to already an already existing safeguard you give them a hard time about it.
Yeah buddy I did all that. I did that years ago when it happened for about a week. Then I was done. I got a new bike, I got a new lock, it's over. You want me to keep seething? You want me to keep asking why? No thank you. There's no answer. It's gone.
What good does it do, at all, to keep being mad about it?
Your concern seems to still just be centered around me thinking in the wrong way.
Sometimes you have to look like the bad guy superficially and burn some social capital sometimes to do actual good things long term.
So what should I do instead? If you were in my situation right now, bike was stolen 4 years ago, what would you do to do actual long term good?
I don't want any "well I wouldn't do xyz, think it was being ridden by some less fortunate being," that much is obvious. What would you do differently that you don't think I've done?
Okay pal. You're free to think that. It literally does not matter to me.
I'm finishing out on top pretty well. I've got a great condo, heated parking, a fresh new bike, great social life, and I attribute a lot of that to people seeing me as good and want me to have around, hence I don't just hope my community well being is healthy, but I actively contribute to keeping it healthy. I'm not pretending at all. I just don't see what my other option should be. What betterment does it provide if I'm instead seething about my bike still, almost four years after the fact? Tell me what the harm is in just thinking it might very well be in the hands of some down on his luck fellow?
For the record, I don't actually think that's where it is. But I'm curious where the harm, at all, is in thinking it. What is the actual, tangible, consequence? What is my thought process directly contributing to?
I really would like to address it directly, and I hope you don't say something like "oh it's obvious I can't just tell you blah blah" (I get a lot of that on this site, unfortunately). I genuinely just don't see your point. I assure you I am of sound mind and am very open to hearing your logic, so I hope you'll take the time to walk me through the consequences of my line of thinking.
I'm not above the society that feeds and protects me. I don't know why you believe I think that.
I never said anything about the person who stole it, only the person riding it currently. It's far more likely that it was resold rather than ditched. People buy/sell shit secondhand all the time.
All I know is that I haven't had any sort of negative thoughts about it since it happened. I barely thought about it until I was reminded of it here. I choose to believe now it's being ridden by someone else. Because ultimately, who cares? What's the point in being upset about possible negative outcomes? I'm already moving on to what I want for dinner.
If that pisses someone off...oh well. That's their problem. Why should I care? Why should I do anything different? I'm not doing anything wrong, they just don't like my philosophy.
One last part, on this.
I find discussions like this a really good exercise on patience and reason, for me. I've learned from these sorts of conversations how to deal with conflict in real life. Plus, most of my replies to him only take a few minutes, and I'll do those while on the toilet or as little mini-breaks in between emails for my actual job.