5
ArtemisFoul 5 points ago +5 / -0

I bet it had a fully automatic transmission. We need to do something about those assault cars.

1
ArtemisFoul 1 point ago +1 / -0

I haven't heard a guy claiming that but... was his name Tony Seruga?

1
ArtemisFoul 1 point ago +1 / -0

I've got one for you. It's a delicious one-pot pasta with bacon and spinach. It only has a couple of ingredients, prep time is minimal, and it's amazingly hearty. The measurements in this recipe make about 3-4 servings - it should be 4 but I always have seconds when it's fresh.

You'll need:

  • About 250g (1/2 lb) of bacon, preferably in one piece, not presliced.
  • 250g (1/2 lb) of pasta (dry, not fresh). You'll want some kind of complicated shape so the sauce can hang on to it: Fusilli, radiatori, farfalle, insalatonde, elbow macaroni will do in a pinch too. Don't use long noodles like spaghetti.
  • 1 medium to large sized onion.
  • 500 ml (2 cups) of chicken broth. (I make it out of dissolved bouillon jelly because I don't keep fresh broth on hand - this stuff. One of those pods will make 2 cups of broth.)
  • 125g (1/4 lb, or about 3-4 cups) of fresh spinach.
  • Grated Parmesan to taste.
  • A pot with a lid and a wooden spoon.

You don't need extra salt because the bacon and the broth are going to have plenty of it by themselves. You might want to add a bit of black pepper and/or fresh crushed garlic if you want, you can't go wrong with those. Garlic goes with everything. Put garlic on ice cream.

Also, the bacon to pasta ratio can of course be easily adjusted. Keep in mind that a lot of the raw bacon will be fat which will render out while cooking, so you'll end up with less than you started with.

Prep:

  • Cut the bacon into tiny cubes. By tiny I mean about 6-8mm (1/4 to 1/3 in) each side. Practically bacon flakes.
  • Finely chop the onion.
  • Wash the spinach and, optionally, chop it up. You can just dump the spinach in as it is, but I prefer the leaves to be smaller, so I give it a rough pass with a chef's knife.
  • If you need to, prepare your broth/bouillon.

Cook:

  • Start with the bacon - dump it into the pot and fry it up. Depending on how fatty it is, you may or may not need to put in a bit of oil, or preferably tallow. (RFK Jr. stare)

  • Once it's sufficiently crispy - not completely carbonized but not too chewy anymore, take the pot off the heat and take the bacon out and set it aside for now. At the same time, remove most of the rendered fat, leave only about a tablespoon in. (Save the fat in a little jar and use it later to fry eggs, shit's cash.)

  • Put the pot with the little bit of fat left back on the heat and add the finely chopped onion, and fry it until it's translucent. The onion will be releasing moisture as it fries; use that to scrape the remaining bits of bacon off the bottom of the pot. If you're adding garlic, do it as well, but wait a few minutes for the onions to soften up first - garlic cooks much faster than onion, especially crushed (tiny bits, burns fast).

  • Once the onions are translucent, add the chicken broth. If you couldn't get all the bits of bacon off the bottom just with the onion, now's your second chance. When you're done doing that, add the raw, uncooked pasta, and stir it a bit so that everything is submerged. Bring it to a boil.

  • When it's boiling, give it a quick stir, turn the heat down to low, cover the pot with a lid, and let it simmer for 10 minutes. Give it a stir every couple of minutes so the pasta doesn't get stuck to the bottom, and replace the pot each time - you don't want it to reduce.

  • After 10 minutes, most of the broth should be absorbed into the pasta, with only a fairly thin layer of broth heavily thickened by the starch in the pasta remaining at the bottom of the pot. Give the pasta a taste - it should be nice and tender by now. If not, add about two minutes to the cooking time. Once you're satisfied with the broth and the pasta, add the spinach and mix it in.

  • Finally, add the bacon back in and mix it in as well.

  • Eat.

  • Regarding the parmesan: This depends on whether you'll be finishing the entire pot while it's fresh or if you want to save some for later in the fridge. If you're eating it now, grate a shitload of parmesan right into the pot and mix it in. If you want to reheat it later, I recommend giving each portion you're eating at the time a sprinkling of parmesan after you plate it up - it doesn't reheat so well if you mix the cheese into the broth, I find it ends up having this weird gummy texture. Your mileage may vary.

10
ArtemisFoul 10 points ago +10 / -0

It has to be alive for it to be a vivisection, it's literally in the word. (Vivus = alive.) If it's a dead body it's just an autopsy.

2
ArtemisFoul 2 points ago +2 / -0

I'm so sorry to hear that. Did you talk to a doctor about it?

3
ArtemisFoul 3 points ago +3 / -0

It doesn't, that's the thing. They're importing infinity niggers to make it collapse faster. I think they do it because all those "student leaders" from the 60s (communist pedophiles) are old now, they can smell the sulphur fumes of Hell and hear the Grim Reaper sharpening his scythe, and they desperately want to see what they worked towards their entire lives - the total destruction of civilization - come to pass.

11
ArtemisFoul 11 points ago +11 / -0

Well they're also apparently getting of their entire lineup and going full electric, so RIP.

2
ArtemisFoul 2 points ago +2 / -0

I got some on Nov 5 for dinner, in Europe, and it was shit too. I shudder to think how bad it is in the US.

12
ArtemisFoul 12 points ago +13 / -1

By Christina Jewett

Someone please tell Elon Musk to stop fucking with the Reality Generator

2
ArtemisFoul 2 points ago +3 / -1

Xitter is still a step down from monkeys hurling shit at each other in terms of communication.

8
ArtemisFoul 8 points ago +8 / -0

What other healthcare decisions should businesses be able to make about their employers, you whore?

"Hi Stacy, congratulations on your pregnancy! However, as you know, the project you're on has deliverables in a year and it's too far along to replace you with someone else - so we took the liberty of scheduling an abortion appointment at Planned Parenthood downtown for next Wednesday, 10 AM. Don't worry, the company will of course pay for everything and we even have a $20 Starbucks voucher for you!"

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