BlaX-Men
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I've always loved how bafflingly retarded X-Men is. They've been on this "civil rights" allegory for as long as the franchise has existed, and the entire time, Mutants have been dangerously unstable human weapons. Either they're completely fucking mental, their powers are strategic weapon-scale dangerous, or both. It doesn't matter how it's framed or what the characters say, on an even surface-level analysis, the only sane conclusion you can draw from X-Men is that around muties, never relax.
Pretty much. There are generally 3 types of mutant in these stories you can rank on a scale.
1-9: Mostly passive powers, often utterly pointless and never, ever going to be a threat to anyone or thing. Like Beak who has the powers to... look like some nightmare anthropomorphised chicken. Or for an even more useless example:
So does she smell of spiders or can she smell in the way spiders do? Either way, utterly useless to anything and that's before even getting to the point that there are so many spiders out there there will be drastically different scents or detection methods. Unless she smells like all spiders! 😯 Which is still stupid.
10: Has a power that can actually cause damage. More often active use than passive and the precise danger can depend on training. As per recent retcons this is where the "Omega level" mutants reside but many non Omegas can also be considered, like Manifold.
11: Spelled "ELEven" because these are walking Extinction Level Events. Either active use powers where someone has trained to hone their ability in a way it can end all life on the planet, like with Magneto. Or worse; either a passive deathfield like Jay from the Ultimate 1610 Universe [who really was localised enough in aoe he would better be described as a 9], or Peter/Orphan Maker who is forced to wear a containment suit because if he doesn't he simply ends the planet.
When you have characters like that in a story all allegory goes out the window, while the window still exists, because even if they are the best person to ever
lifelive the fact their basic existence is a threat to everything means either by mistake or villainous act something can happen to kill everything alive.Ritualistic suicide would ironically be the most sensible option from someone who was "good" with that kind of powerset.
Ediot: wordz.
I meant to include something like that in the 11 category, Legion and Franklin Richards would also fall into that list although Franklin isn't a mutant anymore because Dan Slott decided so.
Instead I was going to name Matthew Malloy since he only comes into his powers during adulthood due to Xavier putting various mindwhammies on him prior to that. His powers awaken and he causes the equivalent of a nuclear explosion turning the local area into a crater. When SHIELD ends up trying to kill him, and does kill Cyclops and Magik in the attempt, Matthew survives, reconstitutes himself, takes out the SHIELD helicarrier, then ends up accidentally killing Emma Frost and some others when he visits the X-Mansion after.
Prior to all this Maria Hill talks about how Nick Fury only ever had 1 "worst case scenario" which was "Man wakes up with the power of God", which is precisely what happens with Matthew.
magneto cries out in pain as he strikes you
Don't forget the insane amount of covering professor X does for mutants that have legitimately done horrendous things because of their mutant powers if they want to join his school.
Mutants are Ubermensch living gods, and Magneto is their God-Hitler.
The story is the X-Men is ultimate the story of how incredibly powerful superhumans are oppressed by grossly inferior normies, with the help of Ubercück Charles Xavier and his band of self-hating collaborators, who aid the normies in keeping homo superior down.
You, normie, ought to be scared of living in a world where a living god could snuff out your life on a whim. Too bad in such a world you wouldn't have any say in the matter.
The truth is that is superpowers were real, those with them would quickly rise to utterly dominate society. The idea that they could, or would, be suppressed is completely laughable.
The only advantage the jews have is a handful of IQ points on average, and yet they easily rose to a dominant position as an elite in the social hierarchy. The only time someone tried to stop them, he only managed to kill a portion of them, and the remainder used their sacrifice to enable permanent privileged status. And everyone else gleefully handed it to them. So imagine a world where the jews had superpowers to the point where, if we are honest, all the normies of the world combined couldn't beat them in a straight fight. They'd win, win totally, and win fast. We already saw the real jews win against being hugely outnumbered in Israel multiple times without the benefit of superpowers.
Figured I'd get ahead of things and post this sooner rather than later.
This is the front cover to a new X-Men comic called 'Bishop: War College'.
The basic premise is: Bishop is the current "Captain Commander" of the mutant nation of Krakoa after Cyclops stood down to join the active roster of X-Men.
In order to prep various younger mutants Bishop has been set the task of "preparing them for war", hence the comic title.
Now, first things first.
The art is horrendous.
Hill can't draw faces.
Bishop's powers are meant to be "power absorption and redirection". This means he can take in energy and send it out in various ways, either directly or use it to power up an energy gun as would often happen in the comics, cartoons, and even the Days of Future Past movie at the start before everyone died.
Going by this comic Bishop's powers seem to be "more teeth".
For those who don't know who Bishop is, he comes from the future, it's hell, mutants are hunted, Bishop was even part of the teams doing the hunting. So he's probably an awful choice for teaching kids how to fight.
Which he gets called out on.
Anyway, a modern comic with a black lead wouldn't be anything with a suitable villain and in this case that takes the form of Andrea and Andreas Von Strucker, because evil whites who are also Nazis is just too tempting to pass up for modern writers when the protag is black, despite said protag having a history of enslaving, murdering, and attempting to kill a baby for years.
On top of that this wouldn't be a modern Marvel comic without "appropriate" representation of other minorities that are now so prevelant when the general public are asked about just what proportion they make up it's always over-estimated.
So first of all there's the whiny lesbian couple who are of course also interracial, although one of them is blue so who knows what she looked like beforehand. Ironically they almost fight about things because remember lesbian relationships still have the highest reported incidence rates of domestic abuse when compared to any other types of relationship, but still make up with a lesbian kiss that might border more on zoophilia given the appearance of one of the two, that takes up almost half the page.
Similarly there is either a non-binary or very effeminate male which further highlights just how bad the art is in this.
Seriously, look at this lineup, one of those five is meant to be a guy and you might have trouble picking out which one it is.
And of course there's the potential romance angle thrown in, or at least heavy flirting, that comes from a black lesbian last time anyone saw her, but Bishop is just that good he turns even the lesbian's heads!
Any-fucking-way. That's just the issues with the initial comic, the point of the thread title, and cover page, is this.
Due to plot reasons Bishop gets into a fight with the Von Strucker twins, the black lesbian, [the second one in the issue not the whiny, wingy one with the massive afro that would kill a stunt rider], uses her time powers and an explosion happens. Bishop then wakes up in front of the X-Mansion except when he sees "Cyclops" and "Jean Grey" both of them are very obviously black. Much like on the cover page which also makes Wolverine black and every other character.
Ironically because Beast, Iceman, and Colossus all have non natural skin tones the artist had to exaggerate the facial features of the characters so that people would know they were black.
There are several possible reasons for what has happened to Bishop which range from "X-MEN, BUT BLACK!" to "he's dreaming because he thought all the X-Men were black originally because as a child he was told stories of them and like many dumb children filled in gaps where there were none".
Regardless of what the outcome is this is a retarded comic.
Edit: And for anyone wondering, no I don't buy these. 🏴☠️
All its other sins set aside, this needs to be restated. This is bottom-of-the-barrel early Image comics bad.
I liked Bishop back in the day. Good character. Haven’t read modern day comics but from what you said this doesn’t surprise me.
Thank you for this amazing write up. You synopsis is infuriating enough, I don't know how you subject yourself to this and I'm ashamed my main takeaway from this was:
Goddamn Bishop, where are your molars and pre-molars? The dude is all incisors.
And of course the one "white" "guy" on the team is.. that thing... the kind of guy who watches the recommended videos on free porn sites just for the black dicks.
Well for starters I don't pay for any of these as I read comics online so I'm not spending anything other than time.
With a dual monitor setup I can casually, and slowly, oh so very slowly sometimes because of the sheer cringe, go through rubbish like this in an almost passive fashion.
That thing is Amass, a new character from a mutant civilisation called Threshold that existed 2 billion years on Earth. Somehow.
Don't ask, time travel is even more stupid in comics than live action stuff and the particular comic Amass was introduced in, Marauders, is one of the most retarded.
TL;DR: Marvel is cucked? Yeah, we've known that for a long time. "Hey guys, I just found out that dumpsters smell bad." If you're still sticking your head in dumpsters at this point that's on you
even if you aren't buying, why torture yourself with such trash
WE WUZ X MENS N SHIET
So.. are all the villains white dudes??
We'll find out in the next issue. Either everyone is going to be black, or they throw all nuance out the window and make the villains white.
Inb4 Blaknegro, the dark version of Magneto.
Could probably have Rogue played by Cardi B since Rogue knocks someone out with a touch/kiss.
She's double black.
Hell no. Hank is still an ape thing.
Das Racis!!!
Am I the only one who thought "Cable's" hair was actually "Cyclops' " goatee?
Pretty shitty lay out
You did tell me about some good modern comics. Which series was it?
This series you mean? It's a new one that just started this week but it appears to be a bubble story while the main X-Men lot deal with the ongoing "Sins of Sinister" event which is most likely going to turn into an Age of Apocalypse type thing which gets reset and doesn't affect things because time travel/groundhogs day type resets are involved.
Oh gotcha.
First of all "war university" is much less lame
war's part time night school
Learn war on your own time, at your own pace. Take our accredited online officer training course today, learn to become tomorrow's leaders of men in the comfort of your home in your pajamas!
Inb4 Zerg Rush.