Woke Trash VII: Re-Dilated
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Remake isn't even good as a game, much less JUST THE OPENING ACT OF THE ORIGINAL GAME FOR SEVENTY FUCKING DOLLARS.
I pirated that shit (before it got a Steam release), and not even the greatest Tifa and Aerith mods could keep me going to the end, much less sell the game the game to me when it finally got to Steam. Fuck them.
What gets me is the "Time Jannies" concept. Presenting the concept of preferring the original canon over retcons as villainous and monstrous. I don't even like FFVII that much, but I can't stand people taking a landmark piece of gaming history and graffitiing all over it.
The things that they appear in early-to-mid game don't even make sense, as there's supposedly only one particular force that could have changed course, and he wasn't doing shit, so why were they getting involved?
Well Squenix spent over a decade literally jerking off on FF7 as if it was literally the best game in existence. It had spinoff upon sequel among cameo among fucking everything. Until the point even the fans of that "Compendium" got sick of it.
So the graffiti is absolutely deserved after that much fluffing. The problem is that the same guys are doing both and we aren't supposed to notice the full 180.
They gave it for free on ps plus and I couldn't even get passed an hour of gameplay. It just doesn't feel like a jrpg.
THe remake's gameplay just sucks. Or more charitably, it's so far-removed from the original, I don't want to play that. I don't like that gameplay. They made it ''hack-and-slash-y''.
Overall, the graphics in the remake are great. I want these graphics with the gameplay of the original, because the remake's action combat is abysmally lackluster and the graphics in the original (specifically the 3D models for the characters in the world) look terrible.
I also think they did a good job with the graphics.
Some part of the story they fleshed-out is also worth keeping.
Why did they have to fuck with the gameplay?
The graphics are half the reason why the dialogue and voice acting is so shit. Because they feel compelled to match the lip flaps and cadence of the characters, leading to the constant "anime grunts" and nonsensical sentences constantly.
At least the old graphics don't actively detract from something in that manner.
Tifa's tits helped us sell millions more copies, and endless merch. Let's abandon that because some slugs on Twitter are envious over her fictional body.
How dare you depict people doing objectionable things.
The transvestite dress-up was even cringe in polygon form. Its current iteration is a game breaking bug.
It's not a remake anyway. They changed absolutely everything. They "modernized" the gameplay (a.k.a. it's just a button mash now), they changed the characters, story and dialogs, and they bloated the game beyond measures, just to split the game into $70 episodes to scam people.
But sure, be ashamed of one of the most impactful game ever released because "muh stereotypes". Tifa's beautiful so that's bad, Barret's a strong male leader so that's bad (I fail to see how he's a black stereotype though, is it because he wants to destroy everything he sees?) and Cid's pissed off because his wife stopped him from accomplishing his childhood dream (going in space, something he worked all his life for, destroyed in a minute). In fact, Cid realise later in the original that his wife truly saved his life, and changes his comportment with her. You know, a real character progression, what a RPG is supposed to have?
At this point the only really good thing to come out of this "remake" are the 3d assets people have already extracted out of the game and released to 3d modelers.
I enjoyed it for what it was. It did have some .. moments, but the original did too. Like, Cloud may have had a femboy dance number in the remake that made me want to die, the original put the poor guy in a hot tub gay gang bang, so I'd say he got off a little easier thus time around. It was also very nostalgic at key moments... till the end, where it literally, fucking literally turns into a kingdom hearts plot. Like, no hyperbole. There is a legally distinct giant heartless sub final boss.
If they mess with Cid then they're dead to me. He is my favorite character.
We don't actually know if that person is embarrassed by the depictions or not.
Journalists cannot be trusted to give you the truth.
They could have localized something like 'parts of it were a little silly in retrospect' into 'everything I've done is embarrassing, please don't kill me' for all we know.
Just look at the final product and you know what they mean.
While true, there are many awkward things in the game.
(Note I have not played the remake, it's still incomplete, and I probably won't get around to it anyway, to be honest.)
One of the characters is a puppet controlled by one of the enemy.
If you pick Aeris and Tifa to go in your party outside of Midgar to advance the plot, which leaves Barret and Red XIII to wander together, they have the game say "I figured it would work out like this" like a little dig that you wanted to level the mage and the fighter more than the other two, implying that you wanted to be with the ladies. On the flip side of that, if you pick Barret and Red XIII, the game says "Oh ... I did not expect you'd do that" implying that you're gay because you wanted all the guys.
You could also accidentally/intentionally date Barrett if you set everything up correctly. You'd be with him on the ferris wheel in the amusement park.
One character is a ninja, who in order to get on your team, you had to wander around a specific forest area in order to get to appear, and then correctly answer a series of questions just to get her on your team. Otherwise you had to wander in circles in the forest as you go towards Juneau to try and get her again.
Cloud isn't even who he said he is. He was one of the many grunts that got easily dispatched, while pretending he was one of the cool guys.
Then there's the whole Cloud regressed into himself after an event, and had to be rehabilitated by Tifa. He was in a wheelchair and everything.
The whole Jenova could be Sephiroth's mother, or maybe not. Or maybe jenova was controlling him the whole time sub plot that they leave ambiguous unless you do a very specific set of things in order to get the truth.
There are at least a half dozen get it now or you'll miss it items and materia that you can 100% miss accidentally if you didn't know to visit X location at Y time, because they'll disappear and you won't get most of that until the final disc when some of it, but not all, becomes available again.
Tonberry all over the place, in groups of more than one, along the way to fight the boss for the final time. Not awkward, but also not cool.
There's a lot more, and I'd go into it, but there's a limit to both attention spans and a text limit here, and I'm probably getting close. Basically I mean there's a ton of awkward decisions in FFVII aside from the obvious is what I'm getting at.
All true, but it was what it was and I trust "Current Day" writers to change absolutely none of it for the better.
I tire of western cultural imperialism.
Final Fantasy was wildly overrated before they made it worse.