I am Christian and married myself, though I absolutely understand why many men would avoid that lifestyle these days. Marrying the wrong person is a cheat code to ruining your life and there are a lot more wrong people out there than right people.
Sometimes I watch Sam Hyde's streams where he creates a burner account on bumble or tinder and spends hours swiping. It's brutal out there for single guys. If something happened to my wife I'd probably never try to date again. I have no idea how to prepare my son to navigate all this either.
At least you're thinking about how to prepare him, my parents gave me fuck all for advice when I was growing up and even approaching them later in life...well my dad's advice was basically to get lucky. So yeah, you're doing better than the previous generation at least.
The world your parents grew up is completely gone. My parents are the same way, they have no clue what the current dating scene is like. They just say, "It'll happen when it happens" and prefer to avoid the discussion entirely.
I can relate to that. My parents didn’t prepare me for anything either. I fell into just about every pitfall there was when I was in my twenties. I learned every lesson the hard way. My son will have to make his own choices but he’ll have my guidance to fall back on.
I can assure you that my own were even less helpful. Their boomer perception was even more ancient, since they got married almost right after high school, so they had a very short period of actually experiencing any kind of a dating scene. Back then, blind dates or dating people within a circle of friends was common. Or just asking out a fellow high school student in the neighborhood.
So they really didn't have any remotely usable advice. And good luck on anything even resembling emotional support in the area. A Vulcan or an Android would've been able to provide more meaningful feedback.
I try very hard to not have regrets in my life, but one observation I make is that it would have been way easier to marry much earlier in life than most people (including religious "leaders") recommend.
Had I married the girl from high school who I was kinda into and who in retrospect was quite obviously into me, things in my life would have been very different but I probably would have figured out how to make them work. And I wouldn't have to think about how to make dating in my 40s work.
I can empathize with those kinds of regrets, even though I sort of railed on my own parents who did something similar to what you say you wish you'd done yourself in my other comment.
At the same time though I've seen and heard so many examples of how often getting married too early can end up biting people in the ass, since they're still at that stage where they're trying to find their own path in life.
I'm not sure at what exact age your situation was occurring, but I do think there is a certain "sweet spot" kind of age that tends to work out best. At least in a relatively normal non-clown world society. I also think college and the sheer length of time it eats up has become a bit of a conundrum that often causes a lot of people to miss that sweet spot. Especially for those who don't have clear career goals almost from the moment they start going to college. And colleges have done an increasingly piss poor job of making anything go smoothly.
I married at 23 and my wife was 22. I got LOTS of shit during those hedonistic times of the mid/late 00s. Boomers said I was too young and I should live.a little while young people had no desire for that level of commitment.
Best decision of my life. It’s not always easy, but it’s easier than being single now.
Tell him what my father told me when I was 13, pray that the Lord lead you to a good wife and help you along the way. I definitely was guided and won the lottery with my wife. I gave the same advice to both my sons. I'd love to say they followed it to the letter, but they both got married more because they were afraid they'd never find the right woman. One definitely found his soulmate. She's far from perfect but they definitely go together. The other, the jury is still out, and we have had our moments of concern that she'll bail for purely selfish reasons.
Even there you can have some crazy, fanatical women. The one girl my son dated, specifically, through the Church came at him with a knife over something trivial.
Wow that's crazy, but unfortunately not that surprising. We're all immersed in modernity, and women are particularly susceptible to the influences that seem to drive them insane. I hope your son didn't get too emotionally scarred by that whole fiasco.
Nope not scarred by that, but scarred by the the girl he met on an adult dating site who lied that she was 18 and was actually 14 yr. He went to jail and suffered for years simply because a girl lied about her age. There is all kinds of proof, to include the girls confession that he was entrapped, but the laws (written by the Devil) require men to be omniscient and know the truth regardless of what they're told.
I have a more detailed post in this thread, but church actively makes it impossible to date as a single man in favor of married men picking up a side chick.
I am Christian and married myself, though I absolutely understand why many men would avoid that lifestyle these days. Marrying the wrong person is a cheat code to ruining your life and there are a lot more wrong people out there than right people.
Yup. Feminism has ruined women, and the few good ones left are naturally taken.
Sometimes I watch Sam Hyde's streams where he creates a burner account on bumble or tinder and spends hours swiping. It's brutal out there for single guys. If something happened to my wife I'd probably never try to date again. I have no idea how to prepare my son to navigate all this either.
At least you're thinking about how to prepare him, my parents gave me fuck all for advice when I was growing up and even approaching them later in life...well my dad's advice was basically to get lucky. So yeah, you're doing better than the previous generation at least.
The world your parents grew up is completely gone. My parents are the same way, they have no clue what the current dating scene is like. They just say, "It'll happen when it happens" and prefer to avoid the discussion entirely.
I can relate to that. My parents didn’t prepare me for anything either. I fell into just about every pitfall there was when I was in my twenties. I learned every lesson the hard way. My son will have to make his own choices but he’ll have my guidance to fall back on.
I can assure you that my own were even less helpful. Their boomer perception was even more ancient, since they got married almost right after high school, so they had a very short period of actually experiencing any kind of a dating scene. Back then, blind dates or dating people within a circle of friends was common. Or just asking out a fellow high school student in the neighborhood.
So they really didn't have any remotely usable advice. And good luck on anything even resembling emotional support in the area. A Vulcan or an Android would've been able to provide more meaningful feedback.
I try very hard to not have regrets in my life, but one observation I make is that it would have been way easier to marry much earlier in life than most people (including religious "leaders") recommend.
Had I married the girl from high school who I was kinda into and who in retrospect was quite obviously into me, things in my life would have been very different but I probably would have figured out how to make them work. And I wouldn't have to think about how to make dating in my 40s work.
I can empathize with those kinds of regrets, even though I sort of railed on my own parents who did something similar to what you say you wish you'd done yourself in my other comment.
At the same time though I've seen and heard so many examples of how often getting married too early can end up biting people in the ass, since they're still at that stage where they're trying to find their own path in life.
I'm not sure at what exact age your situation was occurring, but I do think there is a certain "sweet spot" kind of age that tends to work out best. At least in a relatively normal non-clown world society. I also think college and the sheer length of time it eats up has become a bit of a conundrum that often causes a lot of people to miss that sweet spot. Especially for those who don't have clear career goals almost from the moment they start going to college. And colleges have done an increasingly piss poor job of making anything go smoothly.
I married at 23 and my wife was 22. I got LOTS of shit during those hedonistic times of the mid/late 00s. Boomers said I was too young and I should live.a little while young people had no desire for that level of commitment.
Best decision of my life. It’s not always easy, but it’s easier than being single now.
Tell him what my father told me when I was 13, pray that the Lord lead you to a good wife and help you along the way. I definitely was guided and won the lottery with my wife. I gave the same advice to both my sons. I'd love to say they followed it to the letter, but they both got married more because they were afraid they'd never find the right woman. One definitely found his soulmate. She's far from perfect but they definitely go together. The other, the jury is still out, and we have had our moments of concern that she'll bail for purely selfish reasons.
Church really is the last reliable place to find decent women. If I hadn't found my wife there I really have no idea where I'd even begin to look.
Even there you can have some crazy, fanatical women. The one girl my son dated, specifically, through the Church came at him with a knife over something trivial.
Wow that's crazy, but unfortunately not that surprising. We're all immersed in modernity, and women are particularly susceptible to the influences that seem to drive them insane. I hope your son didn't get too emotionally scarred by that whole fiasco.
Nope not scarred by that, but scarred by the the girl he met on an adult dating site who lied that she was 18 and was actually 14 yr. He went to jail and suffered for years simply because a girl lied about her age. There is all kinds of proof, to include the girls confession that he was entrapped, but the laws (written by the Devil) require men to be omniscient and know the truth regardless of what they're told.
I have a more detailed post in this thread, but church actively makes it impossible to date as a single man in favor of married men picking up a side chick.
Huh, didn't know we were that far down the degeneracy slope yet.
Yeah I saw all those articles about women doing it and thought I’d give it a shot.