I stand in solidarity with you, my alcoholic brothers, against the nefarious, insidious corruption of our pure and sacred liquids by the secret cabal of the Juice.
We must immediately purge all of the Juice from our palates; not only the dysgenic Fruit Punch, and the even fruitier apple and orange juices, but also the even more evil and nefarious Juices of the privileged bourgeois elite, such as cranberry and grapefruit.
We must create a society where only spirits of 100 proof or more are permitted to be drunk, to disinfect ourselves of the impure and degenerate high-fructose corn syrup. Drinking water will only serve to dilute the purity of the alcohol in our veins, and water must also be purged.
We must ensure an existence for our distilleries and a future for our booze.
I'm completely straight edge and will shit on your alcoholic faces with my LIGHTWEIGHT SOBER powers.
Why won't you open your eyes to the evil conspiracies being perpetrated against you by the Juice? I can only conclude that you are a secret shill on the Tropicana payroll.
MY SLOW SIPPING OF REHEATED COFFEE AFTER WORK GRANTS ME STRENGTH
Lightweights spend less to get the same buzz so really who is the real winner? 🤔
Still them because I am so lightweight that the very rare times I have drunk I skipped the buzz and went right into sloshed from minimal alcohol.
Steroids are another degenerate manifestation of Juice that must be purged.
People who use steroids sometimes refer to it as being juiced. How did I never make the connection? You're a genius!
You mean OJ "Orange Juice" Simpson?
Drunk.
Alcoholics go to meetings.
Also no, I need lemon juice for my Cointreau.
Indeed, we must meet if we are to achieve the drunken purity of our society. Next rally takes place at the Red Lion pub. There, we will march for our brethren, and only occasionally stagger into each other.
(Checks tap list).
Eleven? ELEVEN?
Bruh, out here you gotta have a least THREE digits in your tap list.
I didn't specify which Red Lion
Not all juice is bad, but abstaining from juice and its nefarious effects on the mind and body and even expelling all juice at the national level would be a net benefit for society.
I unironically like Juice.
Your eyes have not been opened to the diabolical evil of the Juice. The Juice believes itself to be the Chosen Drink, and all Juice everywhere in the world is in secret communication with all other Juice in a grand conspiracy to undermine and destroy the purity of our booze and make us sober forever, gradually growing fatter and less confident as we imbibe more and more of their horrifyingly unhealthy sugars.
I suggest you read this text and this one, which clearly state the hatred the Juice has for all non-Juice, and its diabolical plan to dilute the purity of the non-Juice in order to wear down our resistance to the Juice's global hegemony. Secret messages are embedded on Juice labels all over the world which, if you're smart like I am, you'll realize reveal the entirety of the Juice's evil plans.
The Juice comprises less than 2% of all the drinks in the world, but its control of the media becomes clear when you examine the frequency of juice ads on YouTube videos and TV commercial breaks.
You need to wake up to what the Juice is doing to you, and to realize that purging the Juice is the only way to free yourself and your children from the tyranny of brightly colored carpet stains and sticky countertops.
Arch is that you?
Nein
You like the juice ehhh?
This sketch is just another example of the Juice's control of the media. This level of pro-Juice propaganda only goes to show how the Juice has conditioned all of the normies of society to accept the financial dominance of the Juice.
“I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all our precious bodily fluids!”
Also the Juice invented communism, as is evidenced by how much all of the communists hated the Juice.
I feel like a meme happened when I was looking away and now I'm not in on the joke. What's going on?
There's no meme. I'm absolutely serious. The Juice is evil and it's taken over the world. It controls the media and high finance, and we must take back control of our consumable liquids by engaging in a pogrom against it. This is an entirely rational argument, backed up by mainstream evidence that is in no way a collection of pseudointellectual gibberish circulated among a network of computers located in the basements of anybody's mothers.
The world is as simple as Juice=bad. I'm clearly smarter than everyone who thinks about things with more nuance than this, and I demand to be taken seriously. If you disagree with me, then you are a paid shill for the Juice.
Still no idea what you're talking about and I feel like I'm being trolled.
But I've long been a fan of Juice
The Juice's control of the media is so overbearing that there are entire love songs being sung to the Juice that enjoy mainstream success. You never see this kind of thing with songs about alcohol, or any other kind of drink. I can't think of any examples. None at all. It just goes to show that the Juice really does run the world.
This has immense copypasta potential.
Grog is good enough for pirates and it's good enough for me.
I'd like to see you drink even 95% spirt raw, and whole glass; in general even 80% proof is for serious drunkards only
What we have here is another dysgenic Juice-lover advocating for the diluting of our pure blood-alcohol content through the mixing of drinks.
spoken like true "only water pls" who cant even drink american beer