The male paternal instinct only exists within the context of duty. Either you have a duty to a family you've created yourself with the mother of your children, or you have a situational duty to the safety or upbringing of an unrelated (or extended family) child. A man who seeks out the responsibility of fatherhood without previous investment or circumstances beyond his control is almost always a predator.
Honestly man, I tried to adopt a while ago because I wanted to help "the kid" and trust me, if the kid himself doesn't make you give up, the system and process will.
I used to work with a black guy trying to adopt an older black kid. I mean that should be nearly as easy as picking up a dog from the pound. Older black kids aren't exactly the choice bunch.
He spent over a year going thru some sort of "licensing" process where the training courses being a huge chunk, then the inspections of his house that got to such detail that they were requiring him to fix some of the most asinine things in his house as "safety" issues. He gets through all that. Gets sort of a kid figured out. The best idea I could get is the foster who had the kid was going to have to give up some kickbacks so they basically manipulated the kid out of going along with it. So it all falls through, and then the government says his license is expired and he has to start all that process over. He just quit at that point.
I like playing with my friends' kid and I'll even babysit but that's because I can give them back. They're great kids but there's zero chance I'd ever want to take care of someone else's kid permanently unless there was literally no other option
I've said for years the best kids are the ones I can give back. I get along super well with most older kids, my nephews, cousins kids, friends kids. I'd still never want to take over any of them unless it really was like to keep them out of the orphan system or from just some terrible gay or drug addicted family member. That's only for the ones I already know. If some kid random kid just showed up at the door I'd be trying to get rid of immediately.
The male paternal instinct only exists within the context of duty. Either you have a duty to a family you've created yourself with the mother of your children, or you have a situational duty to the safety or upbringing of an unrelated (or extended family) child. A man who seeks out the responsibility of fatherhood without previous investment or circumstances beyond his control is almost always a predator.
Honestly man, I tried to adopt a while ago because I wanted to help "the kid" and trust me, if the kid himself doesn't make you give up, the system and process will.
I used to work with a black guy trying to adopt an older black kid. I mean that should be nearly as easy as picking up a dog from the pound. Older black kids aren't exactly the choice bunch.
He spent over a year going thru some sort of "licensing" process where the training courses being a huge chunk, then the inspections of his house that got to such detail that they were requiring him to fix some of the most asinine things in his house as "safety" issues. He gets through all that. Gets sort of a kid figured out. The best idea I could get is the foster who had the kid was going to have to give up some kickbacks so they basically manipulated the kid out of going along with it. So it all falls through, and then the government says his license is expired and he has to start all that process over. He just quit at that point.
Lol licensing is a joke. The key tip is to seduce the social worker (let's face it it's 99% women). She basically has a god right over you.
I can attest, there is a huge psychological difference between taking care of your own kids and someone else's.
I like playing with my friends' kid and I'll even babysit but that's because I can give them back. They're great kids but there's zero chance I'd ever want to take care of someone else's kid permanently unless there was literally no other option
I've said for years the best kids are the ones I can give back. I get along super well with most older kids, my nephews, cousins kids, friends kids. I'd still never want to take over any of them unless it really was like to keep them out of the orphan system or from just some terrible gay or drug addicted family member. That's only for the ones I already know. If some kid random kid just showed up at the door I'd be trying to get rid of immediately.