See, my only issue with someone choosing to have a large family is whether or not it's sustainable (emotionally, financially, etc etc). That's of course going to vary on a case by case scenario, and it's just a slight concern of mine, personally.
I'm generally not the kind of person who feels like it's my place to tell everyone how to live their lives though, and I'm generally not a fan of people who feel the need to pass judgement on anyone and claim some moral "superiority" (Like the nutjobs in that thread).
From a historical perspective, I 100% understand why larger families were often a positive or useful thing. I am far from unaware of that. I just have trouble seeing it as being consistently ideal in modern times, particularly for me personally.
For me it has nothing to do with selfishness or hedonism like it might be for some, so much as recognizing my limitations in how thinly I can spread myself, emotionally and mentally, across multiple things on a regular basis.
And I'd rather not muck things up for my kids simply because I and my partner decided to have more kids than we could manage.
Even while I'm not exactly religious myself, I agree and share the same overall sentiment.
I'll admit for a long time I was not open to having children and raising a family. That was when I was young and frankly, immature. Lacking in confidence, unsure of myself, etc.
In recent years I've developed a stronger appreciation for how much purpose, meaning, and importance there is in becoming a husband and father. It's not a responsibility to be taken lightly, but it's also not a sort of duty to shirk from either. It's also not something that will work for everyone in the same way either.
In the end, each man must seek out his own path, based on what has been laid out before him.
I mean, its a concern you have to think about when making choices about your life and the lives of others.
If you can't afford a house that can comfortably bed that many kids, then you shouldn't have that many. Making a bunch of kids grow up 3+ to a room just so you can have your epic big family is far more selfish, because that's a lot of misery you are piling on them. And that's just a single consideration you have to take.
You shouldn't over think things because you will always convince yourself out of them, but having actual realistic understandings of money, space and time should always be on the table. If not for yourself, then for the fucking kids who have to live through your consequences.
Thanks, and you're right. That's a good way to word what I was trying to say.
It's something of a fine balance. Like it IS a worrisome state of affairs with just how many perfectly successful and happy people are deliberately choosing to never have kids.
But like you said, trying to go too far into the opposite extreme isn't necessarily going to lead to a healthy situation either.
And you're right. I used to try to talk myself out of the idea entirely. And for a long time, it worked, because I didn't understand or fathom why I'd want to take on such a responsibility. Eventually I came to understand how important that responsibility can be. How meaningful. And that it's something to work towards and aim for, within one's ability.
...No, I'm not. For me it's not even remotely about prioritizing my own wants or needs. Hell, it's not even about freeing myself of burdens, stress, or anguish. It's straight up recognizing that I have some limitations that I may try my best to manage and overcome but are still going to impact how much I can effectively do. And I know my limitations far far better than you do.
I'm open to having children with the right woman. I'm just not going to invite myself to having so many that I know will only lead to a broken home and a dysfunctional family. Again, I'm talking about me personally, not everyone else.
See, my only issue with someone choosing to have a large family is whether or not it's sustainable (emotionally, financially, etc etc). That's of course going to vary on a case by case scenario, and it's just a slight concern of mine, personally.
I'm generally not the kind of person who feels like it's my place to tell everyone how to live their lives though, and I'm generally not a fan of people who feel the need to pass judgement on anyone and claim some moral "superiority" (Like the nutjobs in that thread).
From a historical perspective, I 100% understand why larger families were often a positive or useful thing. I am far from unaware of that. I just have trouble seeing it as being consistently ideal in modern times, particularly for me personally.
For me it has nothing to do with selfishness or hedonism like it might be for some, so much as recognizing my limitations in how thinly I can spread myself, emotionally and mentally, across multiple things on a regular basis.
And I'd rather not muck things up for my kids simply because I and my partner decided to have more kids than we could manage.
Even while I'm not exactly religious myself, I agree and share the same overall sentiment.
I'll admit for a long time I was not open to having children and raising a family. That was when I was young and frankly, immature. Lacking in confidence, unsure of myself, etc.
In recent years I've developed a stronger appreciation for how much purpose, meaning, and importance there is in becoming a husband and father. It's not a responsibility to be taken lightly, but it's also not a sort of duty to shirk from either. It's also not something that will work for everyone in the same way either.
In the end, each man must seek out his own path, based on what has been laid out before him.
I mean, its a concern you have to think about when making choices about your life and the lives of others.
If you can't afford a house that can comfortably bed that many kids, then you shouldn't have that many. Making a bunch of kids grow up 3+ to a room just so you can have your epic big family is far more selfish, because that's a lot of misery you are piling on them. And that's just a single consideration you have to take.
You shouldn't over think things because you will always convince yourself out of them, but having actual realistic understandings of money, space and time should always be on the table. If not for yourself, then for the fucking kids who have to live through your consequences.
Thanks, and you're right. That's a good way to word what I was trying to say.
It's something of a fine balance. Like it IS a worrisome state of affairs with just how many perfectly successful and happy people are deliberately choosing to never have kids.
But like you said, trying to go too far into the opposite extreme isn't necessarily going to lead to a healthy situation either.
And you're right. I used to try to talk myself out of the idea entirely. And for a long time, it worked, because I didn't understand or fathom why I'd want to take on such a responsibility. Eventually I came to understand how important that responsibility can be. How meaningful. And that it's something to work towards and aim for, within one's ability.
You are describing hedonism. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.
Maybe it's hedonistic, but it's also smart in a society where family courts work the way they do.
...No, I'm not. For me it's not even remotely about prioritizing my own wants or needs. Hell, it's not even about freeing myself of burdens, stress, or anguish. It's straight up recognizing that I have some limitations that I may try my best to manage and overcome but are still going to impact how much I can effectively do. And I know my limitations far far better than you do.
I'm open to having children with the right woman. I'm just not going to invite myself to having so many that I know will only lead to a broken home and a dysfunctional family. Again, I'm talking about me personally, not everyone else.