I’ve spent a reasonable amount of time in mainline churches (in Aus, mostly). Both Catholic and Anglican. Believe me when I say that this felt very different.

90% of them were elderly, for one thing. And they seemed deeply suspicious of me, and, to some extent, of each other…

Bad juju. But yes, I’ll try and shop around. It was a Steiner-adjacent rural church, so not surprising it was wack…

I’ve never felt quite so… Weirded out by a church in any other country I’ve been to, except maybe India. And Switzerland, where again, it was Steiner-related…

I have unironically pretty much decided to leave (the cult, not Sweden) within the next fortnight, because things somehow got worse, so…

I’ll definitely look into this more once I am physically out of here…

Yeah, at least a couple of the people here fit a similar description...

Including the "cult leader", if you will. I would be actually unsurprised if he might be. The only times he opens his mouth are to say something nasty, or critical, or condescending, or just... Unnecessarily cruel. Including to his (co-leader of the cult) wife.

I spent a bit of time with his son. Horribly messed-up, nasty young guy, but even from what he told me... I get the feeling that his father may not have treated him particularly well, growing up (not sexually, but in... Many other ways).

Which only solidified my feeling that the father was a real piece of work. Also his dog, who loves me, is absolutely terrified of the guy... While it is always bad to assume, of course, based on the guy's current behaviour patterns..? I'm not surprised.

The son moved to America last week, so he is no longer here...

I can very much understand why.

Agree on all points. Unfortunately it was by bank transfer (because above a certain threshold, Australian banks understandably limit payment options), so I will have to fight them to get some of the money back, but I only paid for half the course, upfront (because again, I had an inkling something was off), so... It's still an enormous amount of money, but it's less than it could have been, nonetheless...

Re the sick days, see yeah, that's exactly it. But there's a difference between allowing the spread, and deliberately coming to work sick, and coughing on people, and then (as happened today), blaming said people for then getting sick...

Same bitch who gave me the illness (be it Covid or otherwise) told me today that if I took more time off sick, I would "fail" the course, and be asked to leave (because I'm extremely ill, atm). She also told me that my leaving on weekends was no longer allowed, "probably" made me sick, and showed that my priorities were wrong.

So I said, "Ok, how about I go to a doctor, or a hospital, and get evidence for you?". At which point she freaked the fuck out about the concept of even going to hospital...

Anyway, this shit went on and on, with her trying to snafu me, at which point I just said "I'm done with this", and walked out.

After that, I decided that this weekend will be my last, here. That was the final straw, lol.

Funny about the naivety thing. I guess that is true, but it's just interesting that I've survived torture, several assaults, a shooting attack and other fucked up shit (yeah, long stories. The attack happened overseas), and yet, I still fell for this one.

Like I said, family and friends, who I vetted this through, and even former (non-Waldorf) teachers, let me down, here...

But I mostly just wanted to come to Sweden. I thought this was my best chance, and in a sense, I was right. But in no way has "being in Sweden" proved to be worth the rest of it, unfortunately...

Oh ok. Here's the original link, if that helps: https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/arts-letters/articles/the-story-of-o-woke-labor-management

Essentially it was a "Black-led" cult that somehow infiltrated the Minneapolis whole foods movement during the 70s, and reached the peak of its power in the 80s. The article is largely written about one of the "escapees" from the place, who raised awareness of it...

Basically a cult of PMCs, where actions, behaviour, thoughts, lifestyles, relationships and work where all tightly controlled by the anonymous group leaders. It used many of the same tactics "my" current cult does, and it couched it in a similar veil of "self-improvement" and "leadership"...

The same struggle sessions. The same "uncovering biases" training. And it is literally the group which developed the so-called "privilege walk", which I was also made to do here, early on...

Also weirdly the same obsession with whole grain baking, so that's a weirdly consistent thing with all of these cults (I've visited three other "intentional communities", while here. They've all been cult-like, and they've all had "whole grain bakeries)...

However that one was in a city, and was definitely more... Nefarious and anonymous. This one is not (anonymous). I know who the leaders are. I know who my direct "supervisor", if you will, is. But it is also quite underground, and extremely dishonest about its intentions and on the ground realities...

No way am I staying here for as long as that woman stayed there, in order to write a book, though. I'll find other ways to expose them.

I think your last paragraph is key...

That is absolutely what they do, and are doing. From what I can tell, there hasn't been any Swedish "participants" for some years, now. And almost no one in the entire "community", or at least those who we are allowed to speak to, is Swedish at all...

There's one older Swedish lady who lives here who comes along to our "morning singing" (yes really, it's a thing, and it's compulsory. We basically sing "spirit songs"), and this morning she tried to bring a moment of reflection for the two Swedes who were killed, last night...

I helped facilitate that for her, but the other participants laughed at her (like, "What does this crazy broad think she is doing?"), and then the organizers basically pushed her out of the room...

And then I was dragged aside for a struggle session with one of the organizers. For my "Lack of commitment to the group", I guess...

During that, they started actively threatening harm to me, lol.

So yeah, after all this, I've started organizing to leave this weekend, or early next week. I'm done. That was the final straw.

And as you say, once I'm out, I'm absolutely going to do that, as best I can, lol.

I did try going to a church full of Swedes about two weeks ago, in a nearby place...

Unfortunately though, it felt even more... "Culty" than some of this does, and also unfortunately, their "denomination" is vaguely involved in this same... Wider movement.

I did not feel welcome there at all. So you're right, but I'll have to keep looking at the different local churches to see if there are less wacky ones, and which have zero association, even tangential, with the cult...

But yeah, working on it!

I visited an immigrant-majority part of Stockholm on the weekend (an area considered safe, but nonetheless)...

It used to be a relatively nice, upper-middle-class suburb. Now? Man, it looks like something straight out of Detroit, or Baltimore, but with a different... Ethnic blend, and with a (bizarrely) functioning metro line...

Swarming with cops and gangs. I needed to go there, but I still got out ASAP...

This was in the middle of the day, on a weekend. Not somewhere you want to spend any length of time, if you can avoid it...

I've already been to the same spot (essentially an open air shopping mall) at night, while doing unpaid work, last month. That was in a big group (of both Swedes and non-Swedes), but it was even more... Intimidating.

I can only imagine what the "No Go Zones" must be like...

Battle of Vienna (1683), which prevented the Ottomans from getting further (and indirectly led to the Balkans becoming what they are today) says hi!

All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again. Unless we all wipe each other out first (unfortunately)...

Did you read the article, man? I'm re-reading it now, and it's pretty much all in there...

There's a disturbing amount of crossover, honestly...

As all have said - time to go...

Would highly recommend reading the article. That really is what this is like... Combined with added Midsommar/Wicker Man vibes, admittedly...

Honestly though, while I'm not glad I've ended up in this situation, I'm glad I finally came to Sweden, and moved so far away.

I've grown a lot, and I know myself so much better now. And I've met some truly amazing people. Pretty much all of that happened outside the environment of this cult.

I've really just grinned and borne all the bullshit, and then spent weekends (including several Mondays and Fridays, which pissed them off, but IDGAF) seeing and experiencing this part of the world. That has been... Genuinely life-changing.

Hence why I'm no longer complaining about Sweden itself so much. Because while yes, I disagree with so many things in this country, and I think they're on the wrong path, at least... I can find common ground with that.

I can't find that in the cult, and it took me until this last weekend to realize that I no longer even want to try. No matter the cost, as you say, it's time to just say "Fuck you, I'm out. You can't touch me now."

Hopefully that will happen soon.

Ironically one of the participants here is the daughter of a high-level diplomatic couple (Brazil + US). Her father was here on the weekend. I barely got to talk to him, but he left looking horrified, so... Who knows, maybe he'll raise some of this shit that he's seen somewhere?

I'd like to think that I've contributed to that, if it happens. I couldn't say much directly, but I think he saw that... Things here were really that bad.

But he sent his daughter here, so who the fuck knows?

Funny you should say that, because they have... Interesting ideas about illness...

According to their understanding of the world, spreading illness faster and to more people means that "Everyone will get it, and then will get over it more quickly". Thus, they don't even cover coughs, or allow sick days.

One of the "organizing team" got what I suspect is Covid, and thus, pretty much deliberately came into work sick, and gave it to all of us. So I've spent the last week or so dealing with that...

I nearly went to hospital on Friday, I was so sick. So I didn't have to even fake it, haha. But I was able to use that time exactly as you say, thank god...

But yeah, while I've been here, one of the girls I've been seeing regularly is a junior doctor (French). Which is incredibly useful, but she's also horrified...

She's kept me going, so far, and I think she'll be helpful in getting out of here permanently...

I have another Swedish girl giving me legal and financial advice, too. So it's ok. It's just that they can only do so much.

But you're right. I was with NZ friends yesterday, and they said much the same. But it wasn't so obvious on the first day. It's extremely secretive, so some of the nastier stuff only became apparent later. Or I just figured it would "normalize" in coming weeks. It never did, though.

Also (massive) sunk cost fallacy, unfortunately.

None of this is new, or unusual, or unique to me. I'm just unlucky enough to fall into it. That is on me. But essentially these sorts of "organizations" are parasitic, and they obviously saw me as a good target/useful idiot...

But they've got my money (i.e. what I paid them for the course), and they have control of my visa. Thankfully I still have everything else, though, and I will not let them take more from me. Just time, I guess.

I still have my dignity and my free will.

Yeah, I'm pretty much doing that next week. Except that she's French. But quite literally yes. On it.

I didn't think I was those things before moving here, but believe me, it has been... Much easier than I would expect (outside the cult, that is).

I can be who I want to be here (i.e. not at home), so... Maybe that's it. Or the fact that I actively start conversations, and can hold a convo down (which Swedish men, in general, suck at).

Or maybe it's just the accent and the general confidence that comes with being in your late 20s. I have no idea. But I'm not kidding, it is... Great.

So yes. Great plan. My thoughts exactly.

Wrong town, actually. But you're reasonably close.

I'm really not particularly fussed at this point. I'm not there, right now, anyway...

I'm literally on the other side of the world.

On the latter question, very possibly yes...

Or, at the very least, that they would attempt to take my possessions away, with little recourse (no locked doors, no easy way to leave, remote area, no personal cars allowed, etc.).

Thus, each time I leave the site, I take anything that is remotely valuable (I wasn't stupid enough to bring actual valuables, but you get what I mean) with me, because I absolutely do not trust that it will be there when I get back...

They've already vaguely threatened me a couple of times, including for "washing on the wrong day", despite the fact that literally no one else was using the laundry, it was at a time of day when no one had a "booking", and it didn't interfere with anyone at all. Despite that, it warranted a threat...

Or the time I flatly refused to clean (vaccuum, dust and mop) an empty, already clean, unused room, that no one had been in for a week. Apparently it was about "the principle" and obeying orders. But I refused. That went down as well as you can imagine, haha...

So sort of like a monastery, yes. Or the military, but I paid to come here, so...

It's a mess.

I've come to adore Stockholm in comparison to this town, and everything in it...

At least in Stockholm I have relative freedom to... Be myself, to some extent, and to, I don't know, just... Exist? Without someone openly barking orders, or breathing down my neck...

Which is very sad, but... Small miracles.

I would have fled weeks ago if it weren't for that, though, so... Yeah.

Yes. Both of those things are true. Sadly...

I still find Sweden off-putting. But at least Swedes are... Within the "normal" realm of humanity. Well at least some of them. I've literally come to rely on Swedes and tourists/other EU visitors for normal social contact, because the cult is so totally fucking insane...

Hence weekends. I live for the weekend now. More than I ever expected I would...

Mostly manual labour (tending to the fields, cooking from raw ingredients we dug out of the ground/harvested, cleaning of buildings), with some weird indoctrination shit thrown in to cover the "course" content...

But it's largely hard labour. And endless "meetings". And struggle sessions three times weekly, which can range from "privilege" to the most warped interpretation of "consent" that I have ever personally experienced...

Starting manual labour at 7AM (you're not allowed to eat before the manual labour is done. Or have coffee), and then frequently finishing scheduled "trainings" after 10PM is...

Entirely unsustainable. And yet the people running this thing apparently only sleep 5-6 hours themselves (they don't do the manual labour, I should add), so they think that is "normal" and "good"...

Shit's fucked.

One of our "instructors" got lime disease, recently, so she was away for three weeks...

Because that's what happens in places like this, when you don't/can't take care of yourself and your own health...

Yeah, but they're all like... Kooky as fuck.

Most of them think they are "queer" or some variety of it. Or have weird beliefs like refusing to touch plastic ("It's bad for the environment") or drive a car (same dumb reason)...

They're also very much in their own heads, and obsessed with woke shit.

One is the daughter of a (Canadian) model. She's gorgeous, and can sing extremely well. But she's also (unsurprisingly) a pretty awful person...

And then there's another incredibly selfish, chain-smoking young ex (?) drug addict, who could also be extremely attractive, if she hadn't already semi-destroyed her body (unfortunately), before she even passes her early 20s, so...

Tis a tricky one.

At the moment I mostly just go and find hot women outside the cult, because, like I said, there aren't even any Swedes in it, lol...

And it's like, incredibly refreshing to just travel to the city and meet a) actual Swedes, and b) actual, normal, not-kooky people, ha...

The cult hates that I do this, nearly every weekend, but it keeps me mostly sane.

Only way I've made it this far, tbh.

In the cult? No, because there aren't any Swedes here (yes, really. That is another thing that makes it weird. Literally no one involved, from "participants" to teachers, *is Swedish)...

But outside the cult? Oh fuck yeah. Literally every weekend.

Which is partly why I don't want my visa cancelled, and to get kicked out of the country, quite yet, lol.

I've met some pretty amazing girls. Some Swedish. Some not. But all outside the cult, really, lol...

Like that, but with more "Eastern mysticism" thrown in...

Somehow it combines critical race theory, "movement theory", karma, homeopathy, mythical beings (specifically ghosts, gnomes and fairies), astrology and all manner of other woo into one big cultic ideal...

But you now know what it is, anyway. Even if you just search the beliefs of the guy who founded the thing (and find a non-Waldorf source), you'll see that the guy was totally wack, as, generally, are many of his followers...

And somehow I've ended up in their second-biggest worldwide hub. In fucking Sweden...

Winner winner chicken dinner. Got it in one.

The most extreme, ideologically-obsessed, kooky version of that you can imagine...

But the fucking thing does not even tell you that it is Waldorf, until after you're in. Because apparently that's how these people roll.

Not that this is unusual for Waldorf/Steiner, but this is a whole other level of... Deception.

Sadly.

You know the place southwest of Stockholm that has a certain "reputation" for cults..? This is there. :-/

Apparently it's quite well known for it. But I stupidly somehow didn't know.

Anyway, tack su micke. Yeah, I've learned a lot about myself, and what I will accept, and what I won't, while I'm here, lol...

I'm trying. It's more legally, financially and logistically difficult than you might imagine (as I tried to detail, at least in part)...

But yes, that is the plan, ASAP. Once I am (hopefully) in a position where doing that won't have as much long-lasting consequence in my life as doing so right now would, then yeah, I'm outta here.

I've already spoken to the Aus Embassy, in person, and they were like, "Best of luck, but not our problem", so...

I'm working on it, to say the least.

Literally as I was typing these comments up, I got "in trouble" for a totally inane situation involving washing machines (in short, we're only "allowed" to wash our stuff" 3/7 days per week, during our 1 hour break, in a laundry that is a 500 outdoor walk away, in a wash-house full view of the people running the cult), and supply and demand...

That's just an example of how fucked up things are, and why I haven't been able to take time out to post/comment anything...

14 hour days. 1 and a half hour break total, during said day. Sometimes we don't get the full break. Sometimes we go longer than 14 hours. Sometimes we also have to "work" weekends. We have to pay to be here.

Shit is really fucked up. So everyone is stressed, and sad, and angry, and frustrated, all the time. But yet they blame each other (including me, of course), instead of the situation, and the people running the thing/pushing them around...

Yeah, this is what cults are like, folks. So hi, from the belly of the beast.