Your opinion is grossly unpopular. Look out the window.

Obviously you aren't an arms dealer.

I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet.

-Some of you have come to believe that I like var. I wish to dash these rumors! I do not like var.

-I. LOVE. VAR.

-Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of var. You get up in ze morning, you get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO, who works half as hard as you do, drive down ze street in his Porsche. "Class Var."

-You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today, und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. "Drug Var."

-But zhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. "Race Var."

-Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat's right und what's wrong. "Flame Var."

-You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: "Who gets ze box?" "What's in ze box?" "How much is vhat's in ze box worth?" "Storage Vars." (chuckles)

-What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of var. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal.

-You see, I vant a simple var.

-No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, und certainly, no Cold Vars!

-Blueballed for forty years.

-Vhat I vant is a var zhat only ve can bring. -A true var!

-A German var!

-The sequel you've all been vaiting for!

-I! VANT! VORLD! VAR! THREE!!!

On an individual level, yeah, they're bad. Most great human advancement comes through adversity and conflict, though.