Obviously we don't want to get into legal territory here, but I'm sure most men have been through this, on at least some "informal" level, at least previously...
The entire saga has taken place via text. I didn't say anything explicit, and was never given any indication that this individual was "uncomfortable". Literally no words were exchanged to that effect. In fact, most discussion was about our mutual studies. I had a slight feeling something was "off", from this girl's behaviour more broadly, but again, no direct indication was given...
Anyway, it has been some time since we had actually spoken, but today I am told that she has reported me to the University. Just informally, but the head of the student counselling department wants to pursue an investigation into me, lololol...
I have a record of the entire exchange. I haven't broken any laws, here, so unless there's some informal rule about "Her word against yours" (which I'm sure there probably is), I think I'm largely ok. Reputational damage is likely the main issue...
Anyway, like I said, in the court of "He said, she said", obviously they will side with her, but if this is a case based purely on "feelings", then who fucking knows how far she will get...
Just a fucking waste of my time. I've got so much other shit going on (my grandmother literally died two days ago, so to say this is low on my priority list..? Is an understatement), that I really just want to minimise impact, and get the fucking thing over with...
Eugh.
Yes, it's my own stupid fault for letting this one in. Yes, it's very High School. But like I said, I can calmly say that I did not actually do anything objectively wrong, here.
It is what it is, and I'm stuck with it. Like most college-age straight males who've had even the barest bit of experience, lol.
Making her feel "uncomfortable", apparently. One assumes from texting her twice more, some weeks apart, after being ghosted, to ask her perspective on an assignment for a subject I was taking, that she had previously taken.
Re the texts, yeah, maybe I will do that at some point...
Right now, she wants to "escalate" (lol), so I really don't want to do anything too unsubtle, yet...
Most dubious thing? This was a private conversation, carried out off campus, and yet the University went to the effort to track me down (I presume by reverse-matching my mobile number), and demand my testimony, via repeated phone calls and emails...
Like, I'm not sure that should happen.
We're both students, yes, but if it wasn't conducted over University property/email/in class, and clearly doesn't warrant law enforcement, then why the fuck have they dragged my position as a student into it..?
I guess it underlines that they are "taking it seriously", but also, the fuck?
So yeah, whatever happens, it's all a bit iffy...
You committed the crime of interacting with a woman while not being Chad.
Legit, yeah. This is pretty much it, lol…
Though “Fuck off, loser” would have saved us both a lot of time and effort… 🤷🏻♂️
Her excuse would be that she's afraid you'd "one in five" her.
Probably.
Look, it’s worth pointing out that this girl and I have had very little in-person interaction. I don’t know, nor care to find out, any more about her.
She literally could have blocked my number, and/or told me to shove off, and that would have been the end of it, but that’s not what happened.
I suppose she can claim that as a “legitimate” fear, but anyone looking at the interaction objectively should be able to see that possibility as pretty much beyond remote…
So there’s that, I guess.
It just shows this whole thing to be very fucking wacky…
I'd ask what the specific accusation was and what the proof there was and what, if any, university rule you are being accused of breaking.
Yeah, I've kind of just asked that now, actually...
It was astoundingly vague, which makes it seem even more wildly inappropriate, IMHO, that they reverse-matched my mobile number to my email and/or name...
It's all very informal. Their first email didn't even tell me who was accusing me, or indeed what I was accused of. And subsequent emails won't give specifics...
They won't even use the woman's full name!
Basically, they are unwilling to discuss, in writing, exactly what and why, and insist I do so over the phone next week. Which tells you a lot...
But hey, at least I'm not completely naïve as to these things, I suppose.
I imagine they were hoping for panic, and when they didn't get that, well... Who knows? Maybe they'll just drop it, lol.
Depends how much of everyone's time this bitch wants to waste, I guess.
Record everything.
You can choose whether you let them know you're recording it or not, depending on the recording laws in your state, but do NOT let it go unrecorded.
Major red flag. Record everything. Depending on your state, you may need to tell them you are recording.
You do not have to, and should not talk to them, if they refuse to be recorded.
Yeah, I’ve tried to get everything in writing, but obviously they are trying to avoid that…
I’ve sent them a detailed response with questions, before I am willing to do a phone call. Will have to see how that proceeds…
Honestly, they’ll probably just ignore it though, lol. It’s quite clear already that they don’t care about privacy or due process, so… Yeah.
Don't participate in their investigation, it's a trap. If it's like you said, no misconduct, you're fine. Even in the shitty kangaroo University courts, you're not responsible if someone merely feels uncomfortable.
If they try and play hardball, and there's nothing in any of their codes of conduct or agreements they make you sign, tell them as much, and that if they don't leave you alone you'll look into litigation against the school and you'll go to the right wing media that covers these sorts of false allegations from girls. Ask them if they really want to be the next story on Fox News.