I'm struggling with this myself. Woman age 30, been with my SO for over 4 years, working together to grow close and become a family. He knew I wanted kids from the start. Four years on, still waiting for a ring... I mentioned finally wanting to have a baby. SO's story changed- he doesn't think he can or will ever be able to support me. I am not some independent career woman, I'm a flaky artist barely making ends meet as is. I can't support myself if I leave him. I have no family that could support me, no close friends, I would definitely have to live out of a car. What am I supposed to do? I am almost out of time. It had already taken me until 26 to find a man with property and a decent income. Honestly not sure I want to even continue to live. This society sucks.
When men recognize we aren’t going to get the lifestyle we want in our current job (or lack thereof) or with our current skills, we find a new job or get some new skills rather than sit around thinking about suicide. I had to make a major career change myself at age 34, on recognition that my then-job was going to keep me impoverished for life and I wasn’t okay with that. You should try making a career/skills change. 30 is not in any way too late to do that. You also want children; despite a lot of lame jokes we hear about the biological clock, no part of a woman’s 30s is too late to have kids, so if you spend some time becoming more self-sufficient, you’ll still have time to nab a MATURE man and have a family. But the time to stop wallowing is right now. Men in their 30s might be willing to carry the full weight of supporting “a flaky artist” but the likely reality is, any man who just wants to carry a woman through life already found her in his 20s. Women who want that are the type who go to college only seeking “the MRS degree,” or took similar strategies. Men who want that can find a 22-year-old.
The advantage of being a self-sufficient woman in her 30s is that you’re going to attract self-sufficient men in their 30s. Put both together and you have a comfortable household to raise children in. So go for it! Don’t think life isn’t worth living just because it hadn’t worked out yet!
You need to be open and honest with him and set clear as day specific goals. Like tell him that if you aren't engaged by the end of the year, you are gone. In the meantime, you need to work on at least being able to be independent. Pick up a job or skill that will at least allow you to afford renting a room somewhere. Then if he fails to follow through, you leave.
If you reenter the dating world, you need to have your shit together because time is not on your side. You need to date with the intention of marriage and a family. No casual sex on a first date or playing with flakey men. I would suggest trying to meet a guy at church or maybe through the local Young Republicans club or somewhere that you can pre-vet someone's beliefs. Or perhaps be very explicit in your values and beliefs in a dating profile. Dating sucks ass. Dating is even worse when you have a limited amount of time to find someone serious about starting a family.
Lmao maybe you should evaluated character over property and income then?? Good character would include eing hard working and motivated among other things and lead to the materialistic shit you want. Also if he hasn't married you in 4 years he's never going to marry you. If you're a flaky artist you'd better be bringing something to the table whether looks or home making skills. Finally if he's not Christian it's DOA anyway.
I'm struggling with this myself. Woman age 30, been with my SO for over 4 years, working together to grow close and become a family. He knew I wanted kids from the start. Four years on, still waiting for a ring... I mentioned finally wanting to have a baby. SO's story changed- he doesn't think he can or will ever be able to support me. I am not some independent career woman, I'm a flaky artist barely making ends meet as is. I can't support myself if I leave him. I have no family that could support me, no close friends, I would definitely have to live out of a car. What am I supposed to do? I am almost out of time. It had already taken me until 26 to find a man with property and a decent income. Honestly not sure I want to even continue to live. This society sucks.
When men recognize we aren’t going to get the lifestyle we want in our current job (or lack thereof) or with our current skills, we find a new job or get some new skills rather than sit around thinking about suicide. I had to make a major career change myself at age 34, on recognition that my then-job was going to keep me impoverished for life and I wasn’t okay with that. You should try making a career/skills change. 30 is not in any way too late to do that. You also want children; despite a lot of lame jokes we hear about the biological clock, no part of a woman’s 30s is too late to have kids, so if you spend some time becoming more self-sufficient, you’ll still have time to nab a MATURE man and have a family. But the time to stop wallowing is right now. Men in their 30s might be willing to carry the full weight of supporting “a flaky artist” but the likely reality is, any man who just wants to carry a woman through life already found her in his 20s. Women who want that are the type who go to college only seeking “the MRS degree,” or took similar strategies. Men who want that can find a 22-year-old.
The advantage of being a self-sufficient woman in her 30s is that you’re going to attract self-sufficient men in their 30s. Put both together and you have a comfortable household to raise children in. So go for it! Don’t think life isn’t worth living just because it hadn’t worked out yet!
You need to be open and honest with him and set clear as day specific goals. Like tell him that if you aren't engaged by the end of the year, you are gone. In the meantime, you need to work on at least being able to be independent. Pick up a job or skill that will at least allow you to afford renting a room somewhere. Then if he fails to follow through, you leave.
If you reenter the dating world, you need to have your shit together because time is not on your side. You need to date with the intention of marriage and a family. No casual sex on a first date or playing with flakey men. I would suggest trying to meet a guy at church or maybe through the local Young Republicans club or somewhere that you can pre-vet someone's beliefs. Or perhaps be very explicit in your values and beliefs in a dating profile. Dating sucks ass. Dating is even worse when you have a limited amount of time to find someone serious about starting a family.
Nah she shouldn't subject any poor dude at church to her baggage. She needs to get with similarly shitty man
Lmao maybe you should evaluated character over property and income then?? Good character would include eing hard working and motivated among other things and lead to the materialistic shit you want. Also if he hasn't married you in 4 years he's never going to marry you. If you're a flaky artist you'd better be bringing something to the table whether looks or home making skills. Finally if he's not Christian it's DOA anyway.
You are the least qualified person on Earth to be giving someone life advice.