A while ago a female coworker came to me and stated complaining about a male coworker who was saying "inappropriate" things to her. I knew the guy and knew that he didn't mean anything by it, he was heavily autistic and would often say things that most people would know you don't say out loud. I offered to talk to him for her and get him to stop, she replied "no, I actually like the attention". If you LIKE that he's saying that shit to you then don't fucking complain about it!
You're missing her actual play here. It was never a real complaint.
She "complains" to you about it.
You go "oh no you poor victim," but don't suggest you'll get involved. She gets one form of attention from you and another from him.
You say something foolish like, "I can see why." She gets validation from both of you and has a stronger case when she fishes the next party for attention.
You indicate you're going to resolve it. That would take away attention, so she pulls the "I actually like it."
3a) You let it be, she still gets attention from him.
3b) You take that to mean she'd appreciate "inappropriate" things from you as well and we reach #2 by a different path.
3c) You make a big fuss about it on her behalf, the male co-worker takes the consequence. She trades his long term attention for concentrated attention from others: the fallout from the drama.
Her reward is more attention (or maintaining the status quo) and all social risk is completely borne by the coworker and you. You picked the correct option for yourself, but she's playing a unlosable game.
A while ago a female coworker came to me and stated complaining about a male coworker who was saying "inappropriate" things to her. I knew the guy and knew that he didn't mean anything by it
I'm going through that right now, except it was a black male coworker who snitched on me to management.
A while ago a female coworker came to me and stated complaining about a male coworker who was saying "inappropriate" things to her. I knew the guy and knew that he didn't mean anything by it, he was heavily autistic and would often say things that most people would know you don't say out loud. I offered to talk to him for her and get him to stop, she replied "no, I actually like the attention". If you LIKE that he's saying that shit to you then don't fucking complain about it!
that woman sounds like a ticking time bomb
You're missing her actual play here. It was never a real complaint.
She "complains" to you about it.
3a) You let it be, she still gets attention from him.
3b) You take that to mean she'd appreciate "inappropriate" things from you as well and we reach #2 by a different path.
3c) You make a big fuss about it on her behalf, the male co-worker takes the consequence. She trades his long term attention for concentrated attention from others: the fallout from the drama.
Her reward is more attention (or maintaining the status quo) and all social risk is completely borne by the coworker and you. You picked the correct option for yourself, but she's playing a unlosable game.
I'm going through that right now, except it was a black male coworker who snitched on me to management.
Never means never, you can't relax.
Oh believe me, I'm more than aware of that now.