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posted ago by TheImpossible1 ago by TheImpossible1 +28 / -6

INo, it can't be The Last of Us 2 again.

Official YouTube stream here - Now Live

I think the publicly voted Player's Choice award was rigged this year. I voted for Fortnite Chapter 3 with a burner email, and I saw the percentages change when I changed my VPN location. The consistent thing was Forza Horizon 5 was always top, with everything else wildly fluctuating based on location.

I think Forza Horizon 5 will sweep it, to pretend that they learned from last year with The Last of Us 2.


It's started. Diversity hire standing in the Microsoft Theater. Her voice already hurts my ears and all she's talking about is shitty movies.

World Premiere 1 : Another game that looks like it should be on a phone. Continue the trend from the official Microsoft show of showing nothing that taxes the machine. It doesn't look awful, but unless it drops on Game Pass Day 1, nobody will remember it.

First Award : Games for Impact - Life is Strange. I said it'd get something. It's not a real award, stop sucking your own dick on stage, you cuckold.

Amazon ad, Jesus Christ. Another fucking Stadia wannabe.

Who the fuck is Aerial Powers? Please tell me that's a stage name.

25 minute wait for something to happen next? A timer just showed up.

Who cares what Reddit thinks? They think RE:Village is game of the year.

World Premiere 2 : King of Fighting? What did that voice say? I'm guessing that this is important in Japan, but it just looks like another fighting game clone. Available on all platforms, including Epic. Beta only on Soyny.

Next Trailer : I'm already bored...Texas Chainsaw Massacre didn't need a game.

World Premiere 3 : Homeworld 3? When was there two others? Looks boring, another space game.

LOL wins an e-sports award. Yawn.

World Premiere 4 : No. I thought it was dead. Not Telltale again. Fuck off. They ruined gaming last time. Fucking Amazon propping them up.

World Premiere 5 : Square Enix...this is going to be tedious. Dark Souls clone(?) with added platforming.

World Premiere 6 : Chivalry 2? Hasn't this game been out for about 800 years by now?

Not Areola Power again...fuck off and take your VZ ad.

Two more premieres..ugh..just let me hear a car rev or something that shows there's a new racing game. I beg of you.

World Premiere 7 : Capcom presents...another Monster Hunter game. Did they do that well the first time? Female protagonist, yay. Wait, no, it's a DLC.

World Premiere 8 : What the fuck is this? Thirsty Suitors...thank God there's no Epic logo. I'd be genuinely disappointed in them if they took this on.

World Premiere 9 : So many trailers, so much garbage. This looks kind of fun though. I don't know. I'm kind of in the mood for a game like this after giving up on Call of Duty. Just don't show a female protagonist.

World Premiere 10 : Platformer with a stupid premise. Looks a little like they saw Cuphead's success and went "fuck it, we can do that."

Best Audio Design : Forza Horizon 5 - Very deserved, I'll be honest. The new engine sounds are a true improvement. Still, it looks like I was right about the awards.

I'm not even going to comment on this game. I can't even tell what it is.

Last World Premiere : A new Persona game? I don't know what these are but this looks like a bad Street Fighter clone. Even Epic didn't want it.

I swear Epic said they'd announce something here. Was it the RL Ford pack and the original Gears landing on the Fortnite island? Those already showed up in their games.

This music is unnecessary. Get on with the awards.

Why did they show Fortnite Chapter 2 Season 8 just now? That's gone. The map got flipped.

Who even is Geoff Keighley? What's he famous for?

Arcane sucks, Riot sucks, LOL sucks.

A night for the fans of what? I might go rewatch the 9th World Premiere.

A snipe at ATVI. Predictable. More inclusive makes everything worse.

Less hate in the industry? Start with women out then.

Farcry 6...that surely can't win anything. Ctrl-C Ctrl-V.

Am I behind on games or are none of these actually popular?

Best Independent Game : The only one with a female protagonist

$10 to whoever has heard of Kena : Bridge of Spirits. They mentioned Epic and I still don't know who the developers are.

Female warrior leader...can we move this along?

It's still going. A man is running around on fire and screaming while our lovely protagonist has her plot armor. I'm cringing so hard at this.

Chances of a racing game being revealed at this show?

This shit is straight to Game Pass. Of course.

New Announcement 1 : Lucasfilm...so it's Soy Wars? Looks like it. Female protagonist, it looks like. Yeah, it's Soy Wars.

Live writing my thoughts is the only thing that keeps me watching this garbage.

Global Gaming Citizen...it's going to be a woman...nope, it's a drag queen. That's worse.

That guy was literally wearing a rainbow shirt with a Satanic Pentagram. That probably needs a post of its own.

Bethesda...lots of free codes on the screen, don't care about it.

They mentioned the joke where everything gets Skyrim ported.

Amazon made another game. February.

Prime Gaming is giving away Need for Speed Hot Pursuit. Nice. I might rejoin Prime to have a PC copy and watch the new Grand Tour episode.

WB games...Batman? Oh no...Wonder Woman got a game. Fuck off.

Two women from TLOU2 are here...is this the man-hatred section?

Best Performance : FH5 can't win here, so I'm going Life is Strange as my prediction.

The 7ft woman from RE won? What the hell?

Wow, a woman accepted an award while being grateful to those who hired her and didn't mention feminism. Congratulations on your win then, you can't be all bad.

Alan Wake 2 is a Survival Horror. Someone will be excited for this long dead franchise.

I don't know any of these people except Idris Elba and Jim Carrey.

Why are people laughing at a bad Scottish accent? Isn't that funny.

I don't care about movies, Hollywood died to me a long time ago. Games are getting there. Before long I'll stop watching these shows and just stick to buying the same franchises over and over until women ruin them completely.

Not the Horizon I was hoping to see. Considering FH will probably win everything, show us Update 1?!

Epic logo cucked me so hard. I was hoping they had a new IP or Fall Guys finally hit Xbox. New Final Fantasy is Epic exclusive.

Xbox, that was fucking cringe.

Google Play? It's not even gaming.

Anti-vape ad.

Riot makes music now?

Who the fuck is this guy? This is cringe.

Back 4 Blood flopped. So did Farcry.

Best Action : Returnal

Never heard of it.

Female protagonist. Yay. Every game has one now. It ruins any game for me. Destiny sucks anyway.

Game announcement 2 : PT finally got a game to go with it. Technically. Not fun to watch before you sleep.

Game Announcement 3 : Please be a racing game...it's not. No one asked for another fantasy game with a female protagonist. Remember when we got to choose male or female in games?

Google will install more women in the industry. Such a fucking disease. Sponsored by Gillette too?

Lady Gaga beatsaber...this is two long dead trends together.

Lord of The Rings game? Ugh. This industry is losing me.

PUBG is irrelevant, making it free won't save it. Fortnite killed every BR game left.

Game Announcement 4 : From the UK. My hopes are very low.

Cuphead got a DLC, fashionably late.

Sonic trailer, someone will be happy.

Kojima is shilling a movie. I guess he's used to that, he sold his suckers Death Stranding twice over.

I missed an award. Art style, I think it was called Deathloop

Players Choice : Halo Infinite

Well, I was wrong.

Best Music : Nier 1.28636373636363676362863

Who thought of that ridiculous name?

Content Creator of the year : Dream

Best Multiplayer : It Takes Two

Best Mobile Game : Genshin Impact

China #1 - The Game Awards

They threw those out fast, I barely got them all.

BLM is being shilled hard.

Fuck off Google.

PUBG is copying Fortnite's endless collab idea.

Amazon, nobody wants your console.

Warhammer has another game coming. It'll be as shit as the others.

I thought that was going to be Gina Carano. Who the hell are you? The only woman I know from the Mandalorian is her.

Best Narrative is up next : my guess, Life is Strange.

Best Narrative : Guardians of The Galaxy

It's a movie game, how does that count?

Playstation with another cringe fest.

Is that Ayanna Pressley? Who asked for a Suicide Squad game anyway? The movie flopped, twice.

Female protagonist again...even a female antagonist. Is there a man in this game.

Another Warhammer game. Are we near done?

Saints Woke still looks bad.

Fall Guys...still nothing on an Xbox release.

Battlefield : 2042 players online.

EA, even for free, most of your games are shit.

Mobile game ad, are you serious?

Battery is going to go. Game of the year prediction : Forza Horizon 5. Let me know if I was right.

Best action-adventure : Metroid Dread

Nintendo IPs are usually high quality, even if I don't like most of them.

This game looks so incredibly shit. Is it Borderlands? Trying so hard to be different that it comes off desperate.

AMOGUS VR?! Alright then. Really milking that fad.

K-Pop? Fuck off, I'm leaving now. Someone let me know if there's a racing game.