Can't post this on Reddit! Lolz!
Ok, I'm driving to work and my mind is wandering, and it suddenly occurs to me what progressives find offensive about the beloved children's book: Little Black Sambo (1899)
A rundown of the story: see if you can spot the offensive part(s)! Maybe I'll also translate this into "Ghetto Speak" for modern audiences :>

Read it here text only due to possibly nsfw images. (Bonus: Little Black Mingo!)

  1. Sambo's parents buy him some fancy clothes
    1a. His mother (Mumbo) makes him a jacket and trousers
    1.b His father (Jumbo) buys him shoes and an umbrella
  2. He goes for a walk
  3. He meets a tiger, who steals his jacket
  4. He meets another tiger, who steals his pants
  5. He meets another tiger, who steals his shoes (and wears them on his ears)
  6. Tiger #4 steals his umbrella (who carries it with his tail)
  7. Then the tigers started fighting, and chased each other around a tree until they melted into butter.
  8. Sambo retrieves his fancy clothes and goes home
  9. Sambo's father finds the butter and brings it home for dinner
  10. Then Sambo sits down to dinner with his mother and father and they eat lots of pancakes with (tiger) butter.
    The End.
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He opens by yammering on and on about the brave men and women he put in harms way and congratulates himself for "evacuating" so many civilians.
He vows revenge against ISIL-k like it was a thing he'd thought of, no one else thought of it, eh?
He blathers about his son who died, on and on he goes.
Then a moment of silence.
He vows to "find and get them out" Americans stranded in Afghanistan after the troops withdraw so he's admitting they will not succeed in the mission he just said they would succeed in. 🙄

"...they gave me a list here. The first person I was instructed to call on was..."

He's literally reading a list of which reporter he's instructed to call on.
His answers to these pre-selected questions were terrible too.

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