I remember it was about 4 years ago, I was sitting in my living room and suddenly I started shaking with fear as the realization hit me. Charlie Chaplin, the silent film era star had sexually assaulted me.

I had suppressed that memory, but here it came rushing back like a tidal wave. I started crying, and when I finally stopped crying, I went and approached my parents, who I thought I could trust, to tell them.

To my horror, instead of empathy, I was met with dismissal and was told "I was seeking attention". I know how prevalent rape culture is, and I know the lengths people will go to to protect powerful men, especially entertainers, but to hear even my own parents running defense for my abuser was a new pain I hadn't felt before.

I heard all the excuses and coping mechanisms any fellow abuse survivor hears. "you're acting crazy" "you want attention" "have you been huffing paint thinner again? "Charlie Chaplin died decades before you were born, what you're saying isn't even physically possible, you need to go see a doctor, you're unwell".

What do all of these statements have in common? They're all saying your lived experience isn't valid and the narrative that happens to protect the abuser is what is more legitimate.

For a few years I quasi-internalized what they said, but it never quite sat right with me.

About 2 years ago I was seeing my therapist for our weekly meetings and I decided to follow my therapists own advice which was to be brave and vulnerable; so I brought this topic up. I explained the excuses my parents gave for Charlie Chaplin.

The therapist paused for a long time after I gave my story of survival from a powerful man, when she did speak I was mortified by her words considering this is a person who deals with trauma victims. Hearing her spout one of my parents rape culture enabling excuses saying "I understand you are distressed by this, but Charlie Chaplin did indeed die before you were born" broke my faith in humanity even more.

I couldn't believe it. From my backwards boomer parents, I was only halfway surprised, but this was a progressive female therapist who has dealt with many sexual abuse victims. Again, what society will go through to protect powerful men turns the stomach.

I quickly cancelled them as a therapist which my parents said "was a bad idea" and that "I was making mental health progress with them". I should say so that they'd believe that considering their idea of mental health is denying a persons testimony around sexual assault.

After much reluctance, my parents allowed me to choose my own therapist. I overheard them one day saying "he's nuts, any therapist is bound to be better than none"

Isn't that rich? When you happen to be the victim of a powerful man and dare bring light to it, suddenly you're "nuts".

After picking someone I semi trusted based on everything on their website, I knew better than to bring up my experience of Charlie Chaplin assaulting me. I couldn't live through that again. I began even to internalize my parents excuses for him once again, wondering if I may actually be delusional, which is exactly how rape culture gets perpetuated through the internalization of gaslighting.

But to my surprise, my therapist, though I prefer referring to her as a Shamanic Guru, kept prodding because they could tell there was something still eating at my core. I hedged my bets as I explained my story about Charlie Chaplin while still echoing the "acceptable" narrative such as "maybe my parents have a point about him having died before I was even born" and my therapist Ms. Moon-Flower cut me off and interjected "did I just hear you right? You are parroting narratives your parents fed you....let me ask you, did Charlie Chaplin do anything to them?" I said no. Ms. Moon-Flower responded "Then what they have to say about the topic is irrelevant. What matters here is your lived experience and what it tells you is that Charlie Chaplin abused you....never let bigots try to forge narratives so they can remain cozy rather than challenged by uncomfortable truths".

I broke down crying, this time from relief and joy. Finally someone who saw the trauma and didn't immediately make excuses for the abuser. This helped me regain empowerment. After more weeks of seeing Ms. Moon-Flower, I got my confidence back and I confronted my parents and told them how "Ms. Moon-Flower agrees that I should never deny my lived experience and how you two are bigots trying to shape and color my experience to suit your patriarchal ideas of protecting powerful men and rape culture."

The look of shock on their faces still brings me satisfaction today.

Sometimes I will eavesdrop and hear my parents muttering and whispering downstairs saying "I knew we should have never let him visit that hippy....I knew it was a bad idea...I don't know what to do". My dad even consoles my mom as she's crying.

Do you see what accusing a powerful man from Hollywood will do? Even your own parents will cry over THEM instead of shedding one tear for the abuse they put YOU through. This is how ingrained rape culture is.

But I still wake up and smile because I know that everyday I deal with and don't deny my lived experience, is another day the monster that is Charlie (I won't dignify him by even typing his last name ever again) gets smaller and smaller until I can truly feel as empowered as I bravely choose to be each morning.