This is, obviously, exceedingly personal. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. And I apologize for it not being… “Newsworthy”.
I’m mainly just angry. And I think this shows, very clearly and close to home, just how shitty all of this has been.
Initially, I couldn’t visit because I was, and am, “inadequately vaxxed”. Then they made it boosters. Then the rules seemingly changed, but my family, my goddamn family, man, prevented me from going in there to see him, except for his birthday last year. Without outwardly saying it, they did it to punish me for my… “Non-compliance”. 😔
Then we all got Covid. But I couldn’t get an “exemption”, because life is shit.
And then, guess what? The whole ward of the nursing home got it anyway, despite none of us (me, or my father, who is “quadruple vaxxed”, or other non-blood relatives) visiting, and despite them being thrice or more “jabbed”…
So, being frail and sickly, the inevitable happened. Though it is important to note that he did not die of Covid, and was allegedly testing negative (having already had it), up to the last few days…
The nursing home wouldn’t let me see him because of the outbreak. My family (mother is his main “guardian”) also didn’t want me visiting (again), and because we don’t even share the same last name (obviously, maternal grandfather), and I can’t afford a lawyer, I hadn’t been able to secure a workaround…
It’s fucking awful. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I haven’t seen him in like, nine months or more. And my family blame me for that. Me.
The worst thing, though, was my Dad’s response: I asked him whether he had been in since I had, seeing as he is “quadruple vaxxed”, and super paranoid about Coof…
To which he said “No, and why would I? I saw him before that.”
As in, no, he didn’t want to, and even though he could, he couldn’t be bothered. This is the same man who attacked me for not visiting enough, for being unvaxxed, for not “supporting your mother enough, at this time”, and for not visiting his mother, who still lives at home, enough…
I just… Fuck these people, man. Fuck my entire family, at this point…
Tl;dr, my grandfather died, and the (supposedly coof-related) evils of the system, and of my family, prevented me from saying goodbye. For months… 😞
Ya seriously, I've read every word and all I can think is that this dude has been done real dirty.
Sorry to OP for having to have gone through that, but know that in the end I am sure we all learn the truth. The grandfather(RIP) knows who did, and felt, what. Peace be on all involved.
When I was just a young'n, I had a similar(although no where as severe) issue with my "family" and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't consolidate that my family whom I am supposed to trust with my life and who had always told me that they "love me" - act and behave in a 180 degree difference. That was until one day, in an arcade of all places.
It was the 90's and arcades were still a thing. I was playing something(wonderboy?) and this big rasta started playing alongside. We started chatting and for some reason I told him about shitty life. He told me, in such a calm and relaxed manner something I have always held close. Where-ever that Rasta is today - God love him !
He told me - "There are shitty people all the world over. You will find them in school, in work. In this area and that place over there. Sometimes you even find them in your family. Don't worry about them. Life is between you and Ja, the others are just testing your resolve. They are your allies, they just aren't aware of it yet so keep yourself calm and centred. Don't let those others interfere with expressing your love of life".
Prayers to you OP. I trust you will find your calm centre. Be at peace.