This is, obviously, exceedingly personal. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. And I apologize for it not being… “Newsworthy”.

I’m mainly just angry. And I think this shows, very clearly and close to home, just how shitty all of this has been.

Initially, I couldn’t visit because I was, and am, “inadequately vaxxed”. Then they made it boosters. Then the rules seemingly changed, but my family, my goddamn family, man, prevented me from going in there to see him, except for his birthday last year. Without outwardly saying it, they did it to punish me for my… “Non-compliance”. 😔

Then we all got Covid. But I couldn’t get an “exemption”, because life is shit.

And then, guess what? The whole ward of the nursing home got it anyway, despite none of us (me, or my father, who is “quadruple vaxxed”, or other non-blood relatives) visiting, and despite them being thrice or more “jabbed”…

So, being frail and sickly, the inevitable happened. Though it is important to note that he did not die of Covid, and was allegedly testing negative (having already had it), up to the last few days…

The nursing home wouldn’t let me see him because of the outbreak. My family (mother is his main “guardian”) also didn’t want me visiting (again), and because we don’t even share the same last name (obviously, maternal grandfather), and I can’t afford a lawyer, I hadn’t been able to secure a workaround…

It’s fucking awful. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I haven’t seen him in like, nine months or more. And my family blame me for that. Me.

The worst thing, though, was my Dad’s response: I asked him whether he had been in since I had, seeing as he is “quadruple vaxxed”, and super paranoid about Coof…

To which he said “No, and why would I? I saw him before that.”

As in, no, he didn’t want to, and even though he could, he couldn’t be bothered. This is the same man who attacked me for not visiting enough, for being unvaxxed, for not “supporting your mother enough, at this time”, and for not visiting his mother, who still lives at home, enough…

I just… Fuck these people, man. Fuck my entire family, at this point…

Tl;dr, my grandfather died, and the (supposedly coof-related) evils of the system, and of my family, prevented me from saying goodbye. For months… 😞