In the last few days, I’ve become really, really Ill with something. Some of you will know of my mental struggles, and that I wasn’t exactly in “peak physical condition” even before this, but this is the sickest I’ve probably ever been,..
Certainly it’s the most medical treatment I’ve had in years, and, by the end, it’ll be just about the second-most time I’ve spent in and out of hospital… It’s fucking terrible. And if certain doctors are right, my quality of life may have just changed, permanently, just like that. Completely randomly…
To put it into perspective, I can barely read this, now, as I write it. I can barely read your posts. I can’t spell, now, and my cognitive… Abilities, are way off. But it’s the sight that most concerns me, and knowing that, if what I have been told is right, my whole life may have just changed…
Consequently, I just don’t… Care. I don’t care about Baldwin. I care about the woman who was called, and the director, but I don’t… Care about pinning down fault. I don’t care that my country has just sacked a cartoonist for criticisong the government. I don’t care that everything is going to shit, in the western world. I’m dying. I just… I don’t have time, or energy, to fight those battles anymore.
So… I’m right here with you, and I support your battles, guys. I support fighting back. But right now, I can barely write a grammatically-correct paragraph, or even just… Function. I can’t work. I can’t drive.
So you have to fight this for me, now. Keep up the fight.
And if this DOES progress, and I, I dunno, decide “Fuck it, I may as well become a Paralympian now”, and I make it to Paris or something, I’ll keep you posted, lol.
Fuck, it physically hurt to type that out on my phone. That’s how sick I am. 😔
RipMe.
Very few people heed that advice until it hits them personally (myself included ;) ). There's a reason people say: getting older ain't for the faint of heart. And that shit starts earlier than people think.
I've made so many bad choices, mostly by not doing enough, that the one lesson I've learned is: don't bother worrying about what you could have done, you can't change that. Learn from your past but don't dwell on it and stop thinking about what-ifs.
Try to do the best with what you've got going forward. Easier said than done, I know, but dwelling on the past just paralyzes you with depression.
Yeah, very true friend.
Honestly, I just don’t want to be an invalid. Or never see colour fully again. So… I wish I’d stopped to… I dunno, look at flowers and art, more, lol..?
I know that sounds stupid. I know. But it’s such a small thing, that I took for granted, that I don’t even have right now… 😑
As you say, though, if I DO get my health back, I guess I just… Won’t take things, including the days that pass, for granted so much, anymore.
And if nothing else, if I do have/develop bad MS/worsening health and/or eyesight , there’s always the Paras, I suppose, as I said before… 🤷🏻♂️ It’s a good reason to work towards getting fit again, if nothing else!
Funny though, I never, ever thought this would happen to me. An autoimmune condition, in someone who has never done IV drugs, never had a blood transfusion, has a fear of needles, and has never even come into contact with someone with HIV, knowingly, let alone had the unsafe sex to possibly get it…
Amazing. Just shows that you can never, ever predict these things, no matter how overcautious you may be… 😒