It's no worse than the flu, stop freaking out!

Okay, it's worse than the flu, and by a lot, but masks won't help you.

Okay, masks do help, but we only said they didn't so the doctors and nurses could buy them from Walmart first. But you still have to social distance!

Two weeks to slow the spread, and we can all get back to normal.

Okay, we'll need more than two weeks, but you still have to wear your masks and stay away from each other.

We said two weeks, but we meant two months.

Okay we said two months, but we meant six months.

Okay we said six months, but we need a whole year.

Okay, we said wear a mask, but you should wear two masks because wearing only one doesn't work well enough.

You need to get the vaccine in order to go back to normal.

Even if you get the vaccine you still have to wear your mask(s) and not go near each other.

You have to carry around your vaccination card to prove you're healthy, but you still have to act like you're sick and contagious.

What is it that has caused our defiant spirit to falter so greatly?