Women! All two of you who view this site! Don't have a woman explain to you how a man works, no matter how creepy and demented-clown-looking that woman might be (seriously, look at that author photo tiny circle, she looks like Jared Leto's Joker's stunt double). While you may think men are clowns, they LIVE the clown lifestyle, just looking like one doesn't help.
Here's how to get a man's attention: "Speaking seriously right now, I'm in a real rut. I have a list of concerns and my current thoughts on their outcomes in my current day-to-day life, as well as how to avoid the outcomes if negative, but I worry about lack of outside perspective that might see some obvious flaws. Some intermediate-difficulty stuff that's taking a lot of thought-power. Could you help me with it when you have some free time next?"
You had their curiosity, NOW you have their attention. Most men, even the soyest of soyboys, want to fix womens' problems. It is built into the DNA of men to want to do that, it is how our society evolved and kept more or less stable. Women are the founding stone of male progress, interest, power, and growth. We want to say we're more than our DNA, that we can rise above petty base impulses, but that little quirk will still be there, and if the man has ANY interest in you as a woman, that line will make him give you his full and undivided attention the first time you use it, and if you ACTUALLY have a proper list and actually seek advice on it and follow said advice if it makes sense, you will have his attention the next time too.
If you want to START a relationship, you can even use that advice going to a male friend you know is available, and list "getting a boyfriend" on your list of troubles, and as a possible solution, "ask him to look over this list and see if he takes the hint", if you want to be cutesy about it, or just straight up ask him. Men LIKE clear, unambiguous, forward women. That Ursula octopus-witch-woman in The Little Mermaid lies, she is a villain, a completely silent wallflower will NOT get the guy, that's the whole point of the movie! Ursula steals his attention with her "talking" and "doing things", and the only way she wins is by stopping being a passive doormat.
For fun, let's summary THEIR strategy to get men, by contrast:
Ignore his texts, flirt with other men (ideally while doing overnight outings without him there, use photos or rumors to get the info to him), randomly ask him for help with things but then ghost him right after, and above all else, make sure you're clearly more concerned about self-profit and self-growth than the health and growth of the relationship. Oh yeah, and don't be honest. Seriously, that's listed as number one on their list, exact words, "Too much honesty will simply make him run as fast as he can."
Do as you say. Go to same single man that I got on with for help problem solving like once a week or so. After about two months of doing this I tell him I always go to him cause I'm interested in him.
He calls me desperate lol I ask for feedback and apparently asking for advice for DIY or tech shit means I'm clingy and/or dumb.
There is no 'one way' to do things because different people respond to different shit. Some men respond to the woman's strat of messing with his emotions, it works and I've seen it in action. It's pathetic but it's effective if you're looking for a soyboy.
A lot of men don't like 'clear unambiguous forward' women because it makes them come across as desperate, clingy, slutty, or otherwise untrustworthy. Outside my own experience, I've seen that being the case with other women. Just asking a guy out can be taken as a slutty gesture (how many other men has she asked if she's this forward?).
You're either going to meet someone who likes that type of person or one who doesn't. "Too much honesty" means telling him that you're dating with marriage in mind and that you eventually want a family. Men will run for the hills and never look back.
telling him that you're dating with marriage in mind and that you eventually want a family. Men will run for the hills and never look back.
That's a good thing though. Why would you want to waste someone's time if they're not dating for marriage? Are you trying to manipulate someone who isn't looking for marriage into marrying you?
The exact same thing can just as easily be said about women. If they aren't interested in marriage and you bring it up, that'll be the end of the relationship. But if both parties are being honest, then that's exactly what both of them should want.
Emotional abuse DOES work short-term, even on what are otherwise reasonable people, Pick-Up Artists do suggest using "negging", after all, and they get strong returns on their efforts. I won't argue it. But that lack of honesty is not good at the personal OR societal level, and will not net you a long-term partner in any healthy way. Perhaps he was following the advice of this columnist and calling you clingy and dumb because that is what this woman thinks women want and he's following the guidebook? Or perhaps he was an asshole? A world of possibilities.
I think given your statements, you're working the wrong target market. There's a VERY large demographic of men who date with marriage, with long-term partnerships, in mind. But they're not going to be the hotshot 10/10 men who can "play the field",why would they? Asking for commitment from someone who can get better, it could happen, sure, as you said, different people are different, but it's about generalities. And it isn't going to be the fresh college students at a liberal arts college. But a religious school? A church?
You had an honest conversation, and you got an honest response. Or, at least, I assume it was an honest response and not following some asinine Cosmo-magazine guide. That's the problem with honesty: Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear. The average man needs to approach approximately 40 women before one will reciprocate at even a basic level, if going semi-random (thanks OKCupid contact stats!). You approached ONE, good job, 39 to go. And it hurts just as much as you did, for every single one of them.
There is a difference between "clear and unambiguous", and "untrustworthy". Men ride that difference every single day, some more successfully than others. There's tons of "creepy" guys who are entirely harmless, and "potential mate" guys who should be very untrustworthy. It's a matter of practice. If you act like the Watamote girl, yeah, that's creepy. If you're batting way out of your strike range (be it either direction, too hot for someone, or too ugly for them), it's untrustworthy because the reason you're there isn't obvious. Still comes down to honesty: They honestly can't understand why you're there, and you have a very small window to explain it to their satisfaction.
And if you're Christmas Cake, that... sucks. ("No good after the 25th"). Because you then have another layer of honesty to explain: Why are you unpaired? What severe flaw has stopped you from securing a mate at the height of your sexual value? Like it or not, MOST men will like a woman being frank and honest with them. Liking it doesn't mean they'll like you.
If you're in an area without mask laws, where you can actually engage in mating rituals, put on your battle uniform, and go to a bar. Go to every single man in that bar. And say "I'm doing a survey to prove a guy wrong on the internet that thinks he knows more about men than I do, mind answering a few quick questions? Would you like it if a girl you thought was attractive came up to you and casually said she thought you were attractive in some way and asked you on a date to test the waters? Would you accept the offer if you were available to? Would you ghost her if she said she was hoping for a longer-term relationship than a one-night stand after that date if it went well?"
See your results. The chance exists that, in your society, emotive norms are incredibly different than mine, perhaps you'll get a large pile of "no, no, yes" answers. It's possible. But I doubt it. And that would be in a bar, the land of one-night-stands, not a church or community event or hobby-focused location of obvious immediate shared interests.
Pick-Up Artists do suggest using "negging", after all, and they get strong returns on their efforts.
The returns being the money that the sad sacks of crap who are their followers shovel into their pockets. Like with the rest of the self-help lot, what what folks apparently don't understand that, skills in general cannot necessarily be taught. That is assuming that they have skills to begin with. In my view, successful self-help propagators mostly have the skill of self-enrichment. Learn that from them instead, though not by manipulating a sucker out of his money.
The average man needs to approach approximately 40 women before one will reciprocate at even a basic level, if going semi-random (thanks OKCupid contact stats!). You approached ONE, good job, 39 to go. And it hurts just as much as you did, for every single one of them.
It only 'hurts' because those men assume that men and women are the same. They're not. A basic understanding of biology would solve a lot of problems for both sexes.
How idiotic.
Women! All two of you who view this site! Don't have a woman explain to you how a man works, no matter how creepy and demented-clown-looking that woman might be (seriously, look at that author photo tiny circle, she looks like Jared Leto's Joker's stunt double). While you may think men are clowns, they LIVE the clown lifestyle, just looking like one doesn't help.
Here's how to get a man's attention: "Speaking seriously right now, I'm in a real rut. I have a list of concerns and my current thoughts on their outcomes in my current day-to-day life, as well as how to avoid the outcomes if negative, but I worry about lack of outside perspective that might see some obvious flaws. Some intermediate-difficulty stuff that's taking a lot of thought-power. Could you help me with it when you have some free time next?"
You had their curiosity, NOW you have their attention. Most men, even the soyest of soyboys, want to fix womens' problems. It is built into the DNA of men to want to do that, it is how our society evolved and kept more or less stable. Women are the founding stone of male progress, interest, power, and growth. We want to say we're more than our DNA, that we can rise above petty base impulses, but that little quirk will still be there, and if the man has ANY interest in you as a woman, that line will make him give you his full and undivided attention the first time you use it, and if you ACTUALLY have a proper list and actually seek advice on it and follow said advice if it makes sense, you will have his attention the next time too.
If you want to START a relationship, you can even use that advice going to a male friend you know is available, and list "getting a boyfriend" on your list of troubles, and as a possible solution, "ask him to look over this list and see if he takes the hint", if you want to be cutesy about it, or just straight up ask him. Men LIKE clear, unambiguous, forward women. That Ursula octopus-witch-woman in The Little Mermaid lies, she is a villain, a completely silent wallflower will NOT get the guy, that's the whole point of the movie! Ursula steals his attention with her "talking" and "doing things", and the only way she wins is by stopping being a passive doormat.
For fun, let's summary THEIR strategy to get men, by contrast:
Ignore his texts, flirt with other men (ideally while doing overnight outings without him there, use photos or rumors to get the info to him), randomly ask him for help with things but then ghost him right after, and above all else, make sure you're clearly more concerned about self-profit and self-growth than the health and growth of the relationship. Oh yeah, and don't be honest. Seriously, that's listed as number one on their list, exact words, "Too much honesty will simply make him run as fast as he can."
Do as you say. Go to same single man that I got on with for help problem solving like once a week or so. After about two months of doing this I tell him I always go to him cause I'm interested in him. He calls me desperate lol I ask for feedback and apparently asking for advice for DIY or tech shit means I'm clingy and/or dumb.
There is no 'one way' to do things because different people respond to different shit. Some men respond to the woman's strat of messing with his emotions, it works and I've seen it in action. It's pathetic but it's effective if you're looking for a soyboy.
A lot of men don't like 'clear unambiguous forward' women because it makes them come across as desperate, clingy, slutty, or otherwise untrustworthy. Outside my own experience, I've seen that being the case with other women. Just asking a guy out can be taken as a slutty gesture (how many other men has she asked if she's this forward?).
You're either going to meet someone who likes that type of person or one who doesn't. "Too much honesty" means telling him that you're dating with marriage in mind and that you eventually want a family. Men will run for the hills and never look back.
That's a good thing though. Why would you want to waste someone's time if they're not dating for marriage? Are you trying to manipulate someone who isn't looking for marriage into marrying you?
The exact same thing can just as easily be said about women. If they aren't interested in marriage and you bring it up, that'll be the end of the relationship. But if both parties are being honest, then that's exactly what both of them should want.
It's of course that both parties are deceiving the other.
Well, should have told your sisters to leave a little bit of fairness in marriage law.
Emotional abuse DOES work short-term, even on what are otherwise reasonable people, Pick-Up Artists do suggest using "negging", after all, and they get strong returns on their efforts. I won't argue it. But that lack of honesty is not good at the personal OR societal level, and will not net you a long-term partner in any healthy way. Perhaps he was following the advice of this columnist and calling you clingy and dumb because that is what this woman thinks women want and he's following the guidebook? Or perhaps he was an asshole? A world of possibilities.
I think given your statements, you're working the wrong target market. There's a VERY large demographic of men who date with marriage, with long-term partnerships, in mind. But they're not going to be the hotshot 10/10 men who can "play the field",why would they? Asking for commitment from someone who can get better, it could happen, sure, as you said, different people are different, but it's about generalities. And it isn't going to be the fresh college students at a liberal arts college. But a religious school? A church?
You had an honest conversation, and you got an honest response. Or, at least, I assume it was an honest response and not following some asinine Cosmo-magazine guide. That's the problem with honesty: Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear. The average man needs to approach approximately 40 women before one will reciprocate at even a basic level, if going semi-random (thanks OKCupid contact stats!). You approached ONE, good job, 39 to go. And it hurts just as much as you did, for every single one of them.
There is a difference between "clear and unambiguous", and "untrustworthy". Men ride that difference every single day, some more successfully than others. There's tons of "creepy" guys who are entirely harmless, and "potential mate" guys who should be very untrustworthy. It's a matter of practice. If you act like the Watamote girl, yeah, that's creepy. If you're batting way out of your strike range (be it either direction, too hot for someone, or too ugly for them), it's untrustworthy because the reason you're there isn't obvious. Still comes down to honesty: They honestly can't understand why you're there, and you have a very small window to explain it to their satisfaction.
And if you're Christmas Cake, that... sucks. ("No good after the 25th"). Because you then have another layer of honesty to explain: Why are you unpaired? What severe flaw has stopped you from securing a mate at the height of your sexual value? Like it or not, MOST men will like a woman being frank and honest with them. Liking it doesn't mean they'll like you.
If you're in an area without mask laws, where you can actually engage in mating rituals, put on your battle uniform, and go to a bar. Go to every single man in that bar. And say "I'm doing a survey to prove a guy wrong on the internet that thinks he knows more about men than I do, mind answering a few quick questions? Would you like it if a girl you thought was attractive came up to you and casually said she thought you were attractive in some way and asked you on a date to test the waters? Would you accept the offer if you were available to? Would you ghost her if she said she was hoping for a longer-term relationship than a one-night stand after that date if it went well?"
See your results. The chance exists that, in your society, emotive norms are incredibly different than mine, perhaps you'll get a large pile of "no, no, yes" answers. It's possible. But I doubt it. And that would be in a bar, the land of one-night-stands, not a church or community event or hobby-focused location of obvious immediate shared interests.
The returns being the money that the sad sacks of crap who are their followers shovel into their pockets. Like with the rest of the self-help lot, what what folks apparently don't understand that, skills in general cannot necessarily be taught. That is assuming that they have skills to begin with. In my view, successful self-help propagators mostly have the skill of self-enrichment. Learn that from them instead, though not by manipulating a sucker out of his money.
It only 'hurts' because those men assume that men and women are the same. They're not. A basic understanding of biology would solve a lot of problems for both sexes.