How exactly is "killing myself" a paradise for "statists"?

You have no principles. You have no feelings. You simply regurgitate the same lies over and over like some robot. Nonexistence is your ultimate utopia; no principles, no reality, nothing. You like this utopia so much you want to drag everybody else there with you.

This was not telling you that you should move to Somalia. Only that the country of Somalia, which is governed by your principles, is not exactly a paradise.

Somalia isn't a paradise, but it is also not governed by "my" principles. The parts of it that are (namely, the lack of a central state, and that's about it) are the only thing keeping it from being even worse.

I know it must sound cool and edge to say that taxation is theft,

I don't say it for any reason other than that it is unequivocally true. You can dodge actually addressing this however long you want, but even the objections you're thinking up have already been addressed.

but you don't seem to have considered that any state actually run by your utopian ideas would be (and is) an absolute disaster.

First of all, no state can be run according to libertarian ideals because the very first thing it must do is abolish itself. The State is an unnatural abomination unto all justice and peace, and an entirely unnecessary mafia all at the same time.

Secondly, territories within which these ideas are followed more closely have historically been more successful than ones where they aren't.

Finally, no extant or past territory has truly been "libertarian". They have come close, but never really.