Anything you can think of can be done a thousand times better, safer, and less addictively with synthesized drugs.

Sure, I'll agree. Synthetic drugs can get pretty wild.

That "soothing" feeling you get from tobacco is just the cravings from chemical addiction going away.

I disagree. You have a tremendously steep hill to climb here and your argument is founded on my ignorance. If I'm not as ignorant as you reckon, it doesn't hold up. I think I have a strong advantage by having more information about my own body, habits, and psychological inclination.

A nice shotgun theory, but you didn't catch me in the 99.9% there.