I really like this girl so I want to help her. In the beginning our relationship was pretty good but I saw signs of some social skills problems. I thought she was just a little socially immature but I chalked that up to other reasons and felt maybe she could improve.
As she got more comfortable with me she actually got significantly worse. I thought she just was naturally not liking me and we weren't compatible but I soon realized she literally hit nearly all the symptoms of autism and not a little, to the max. I would bet my life on her being autistic so I'm not looking for anyone to cast doubt on my diagnosis. She's just good at hiding it as best she can and frankly, I had no prior experience with autism so I wasn't really trained to catch the signs. I don't think her parents are aware either (for various reasons) and she can't keep friends long enough for them to truly understand. I might be the only one with enough perspective to diagnose it. I asked her if she would be willing to go to a psychologist to help with her anxiety issues but she refused because she's scared of them.
Any advice on how to bring this up to her? I'm thinking maybe just tell the mom but I'm not sure the mom will believe me or do anything about it. The dad would be worse.
I was about to just call it quits on our relationship because it's def not working but I do think if she accepts she has autism and works with me it could potentially work. She's given 0 indication she thinks she has autism and she works in social work with disabled people and had training on autism so I suspect she's potentially in denial or scared of accepting it.
Looking for some advice.
Stop telling her to go to counseling and shit.
She asked me for help with her anxiety because it was getting worse despite her medication and I suggested she try counseling. She's not properly diagnosed for her issues, imo.
If you legit want to start a family with her you'll have to dispel her anxiety with your leadership. Autist or not. Meds are often counterproductive and actually cause long term problems from side effects and rebound effects. Especially if she's on some pharma crap like benzos or mood stabilizers.
If I'm with her she doesn't get anxious or if she does she's fine with it if I'm around. The problem is when I'm not around but she can handle the anxiety when I'm not around without me, she just obviously doesn't like it. It's not controlling her life though so it's workable.
I wouldn't say meds are straight up counterproductive so much as that they bring their own complications. Some of which bring a hell of a lot more complications than others.
And there's a lot of off-label anxiety medications besides the usual sorts that people often hear about. IE, there's a few antihistimine medications that aren't as prone to the usual side effects. And certain chemical formulations of magnesium can be pretty effective too (not exactly a medication, but the potency can be surprisingly comparable).
Was she actually asking for help or was she asking for emotional support?
Do remember that women aren't always bringing things up because they're expecting a man to "fix" the problem. And men sometimes have trouble telling the difference.
Not that offering some meaningful feedback is a bad thing. But it does sound like she's still trying to get a handle on how she deals with whatever's going on with her, and she mostly seems like she wants to handle it her own way. Which I totally understand.
She was receptive to the therapy and told me if I was the one conducting the therapy, she'd be fine doing it but she didn't feel comfortable telling a stranger her dark secrets kind of thing.
Someone I've been involved with is almost the opposite. Worried to open up about some things because she doesn't want me to think badly of her, or cause me to worry. And then I end up left in the dark on what's going on half the time.
Not that it's necessarily a good idea to become your gf/bf's therapist either. But honest, open communication, mutual compassion and support, etc. are pretty important for a healthy relationship.
Back to the therapist issue. I do wonder if it's something that she'd get used to if she got over her initial fear. Seeing a therapist is usually not the kind of thing that's prone to escalating anxiety.
Not when compared to something like your trip to Disneyworld. (Lots of things in that kind of location/environment can make anxiety increasingly difficult to alleviate, length of time, distance from anyplace that could offer a quiet respite)