I, along with representatives of our nation, gather here on this auspicious day to give thanks to General Washington, the Hero - who, along with the Founding Fathers, broke the hegemony of the pesky redcoats. If it weren't for America, we would be forced to drive on the wrong side of the road, put unnecessary letters in our words, pay for mainstream media, have no guns and end up flooded with paki rape clans. The ideals of the Founding Fathers, the foundation of the greatest nation on earth, will be honored and protected for all time. Thus we swear solemnly, fuck yeah America.