You beat me to it. Here are mine:

You read books and don’t burn them

Yeah, sure. Except the Bible and anything you disagree with. Which is like half of all literature.

You embrace science

No. You get your opinions about science from people like Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Steven Colbert, and Bill Nye - none of whom are scientists. In fact, you don’t even understand the scientific method. Science is not be believed any more than walking is to be believed. It is a process morons.

You are willing to change your mind when new information becomes available

Uh, okay. Sure. How about Wuhan, Weapons Facilities in Ukraine, voting system fraud, VAERS database, the pay gap, George Floyd’s autopsy report….etc….etc…

You understand that most issues are not black and white

Except abortion, feminism, Marxism, race issues, etc. etc. etc.

You believe in true equality for all people

No, you believe in equity of outcome. Our current systems and laws are all about equality, and have been since the beginning. The Democrats in the South resisted every attempt to fix the things that the founding fathers were not able to accomplish. So stuff this lie up your ass.

You like to share

Yeah, other people’s things. Not only that, but you openly advocate for taking things from people who earn them by force, and giving those things to people who have earned nothing.

You embrace competition

LMAO! Oh really? Then end Title IV, all race and gender based scholarships, quotas, affirmative action, and hate crimes. Please. You're not even trying right now.

You respect others’ rights

Okay, how about this “It’s okay to be White” or "A fetus has rights" or ""Russia has the right to defend itself". Yeah, I thought so.

You believe culture and the arts have wisdom

They used to. See Andre Serrano’s Piss Christ for all you need to know about the “wisdom” of modern art. Are you kidding?

You care for the planet and all its life

Except for straight Men, White people, the unborn, Donald Trump, carnivorous animals (because they are not vegan), all the men who are in prison because they were raised by single mothers, and anything or anyone who does not go along with your group think