Or you could address your mental illness instead.

Rejecting the fact that you were born male is a symptom of mental illness. You aren't "otherwise normal", you take a degenerate fetish too far and let it influence your life.

The modern generation is being fed things like "it's okay to be weak" to feminize and destroy men. You have been affected by this. Reject it. Unplug from porn and the internet, go get in shape. Lift weights.