Episode 5 of House of Dragons is when the show definitively went to shit. The writing and plot took such a nose dive I had to look up who the writer was. It's some dumb instagram looking thot, Charmaine DeGraté, apparently 33 years old with no credits except for some child acting. She's an idiot who can't write, and it shows. Nothing in this episode makes sense, and all of it was written from the standpoint of producing "oOoOo dRaMa" reactions in simpleminded folk. It is the quintessential example of female writing.

1. Black guy playing a canonically white character, having been offscreen eps 3-4 hopefully never to return, not only comes back ep5, but he brings his GAY black son with him.

2. Literally everyone knows the son is gay and no one cares. black dad says "he'll grow out of it, there is no pleasure in life like bedding a 丅卄工匚匚 white woman". When I was watching this with my GF and I saw how there was 0 reaction to the son being gay, I jokingly said "lol he'll grow out of it" and that was the next line. Holy shit.

3. Matt Smith dressed as a warlock in a bathrobe appears in the middle of nowhere when his wife is riding alone. He just stands there trying to look like a creep doing nothing. She talks shit in a way that only a woman would be impressed by. Then, as she speculates on what evil things he might do to other people, her eyes go wide (because she put the pieces together that he was there to KILL HER, you see! even though that makes no sense), she freaks out, GRABS HER BOW (why? is this an old western quick draw shoot out? dude is unarmed and in a bath robe), shaky cam as her horse freaks too (why?) and throws her. Matt Smith did nothing except stand there. She just lies on the ground whimpering (omg guys is he gonna KILL her?! so suspense! so tension!) and he just stands there then walks away. Her response? To call him a pussy and goad him to kill her. lol what?

4. It is clarified that there were no witnesses, and 0 suspicion on Matt Smith, and everyone just thinks she had a riding accident. Then, later, her uncle just outright emotionally openly accuses Matt Smith of murder with 0 evidence or basis, which would not happen, and is only being done to stir up dRaMa based on the fact that the audience knows the truth. Uhhhhhh. The uncle of course just has to sit down and it goes nowhere because duh. ffs. Also this major nobleman dude has no clue about how inheritance works and is SHOCKED to learn it for the 1st time. bEcAuSe dRaMa.

5. IT GETS WORSE: main girl who looks like her mouth is always full basically says she knows the black guy is gay and says whatever bro, you can fuck dudes and I'll fuck dudes too. She tells this to her bodyguard who she fucked and he has a nervous breakdown bEcAuSe dRaMa.

6. Knight dude, thinking he'd have his dick cut off and be tortured, openly confesses at the drop of a hat, then begs for death. 0 fucks given about how this would harm mumpface girl who he simps for. bEcAuSe dRaMa.

7. extremely long "dancing" feast scene which exists solely as a stage for rapid fire bEcAuSe dRaMa vignettes.

8. Queen is deliberately withheld so she can make a pointless GIRLBOSS™ entrance wearing green, where some rando says "ooh in her house green means gO tO wAr!!" bEcAuSe dRaMa.

9. Black dude's gay lover deduces that mumpface girl's lover is her bodyguard, because - get this - her bodyguard LOOKS at her. Literal line justifying this Sherlock Holmes level deduction: "Look at him, the man is fully cuntstruck". Uhhhh.

10. Black dude's gay lover then WALKS UP TO the bodyguard knight and is like "lol eyyyyy bro" and keeps dropping hints, and the knight is just saying "wtf fuck off im working" until the gay dude finally says "I'm the gay lover and I know you're the chick's lover, so let's promise not to tell these secrets", even though I went out of my way to suss out yours and I just told you mine. Wtf? Literally 0 reason for this convo to have happened except bEcAuSe dRaMa, but ironically this is realistic because gay dudes act like this irl. Though I doubt they would in a fantasy setting. I guess this is the writer's one area of expertise.

11. Matt Smith does weird sexual tension shit in the dance floor with mumpface girl for no reason that goes nowhere. bEcAuSe dRaMa.

12. Knight responds after some time by just randomly attacking the gay lover dude, and just punching him in the face until his face is some caved-in prop that would never, and could never, happen IRL. The face looks like what happened after a shotgun blast, not just being punched. Afterward he just walks away and nobody gives a shit. He then goes to kill himself in the garden and the queen walks in on him and the scene cuts.

I lost brain cells watching this episode. This must be what it's like to be a woman. Just respond on reflex to stupid and pointless emotional cues with no regard given whatsoever for plot or anything of substance. Just one rapid fire "oOoOOOo giiiiRL! he gon get it!" after another. Holy shit.