Thing about me is that I am schizophrenic, I didn't know for a very long time. I struggled for a long time, I was a violent unmedicated hermit for about a decade and came from a very abused, violent, and malnourished upbringing. I don't think I am very relatable as a result of my circumstances, whenever I talk about certain things I lose people. I've done things that people run away from me when they hear about it. I can water crops with my tears. I've had to build myself up from the dirt just to get kicked over again, then gutted by the world. Seems when I get it together I lose it all over again.

I don't know what I put off to attract certain types of women, I tend to get dates on merit of being very well-respected in my field. They start off the way you describe and all is pretty well, the fall off is where I probably share too much or it's something else like - she's actually already married, or she wasn't actually looking for anything serious and it moved too fast, was stringing along two other guys and I found out, etc.

If we're talking women I've been around, male "feelings" are a curiousity, but I don't think they know what that entails, or just how bleak this world is towards men - you are dispensible, you are the corporate bitch, you will NOT be appreciated or remembered and to actually FEEL it comes off as uncertainty, no woman wants uncertainty or to be around indecisiveness, but that's what you get with tears. They're looking for something else usually. On some superficial level the more liberal girls allege wanting to see their boyfriend cry because they think males are repressed, but they don't actually want it.

I genuinely think there is a pipeline between pity and just losing people, regardless of my own specific circumstances and a man should be as decisive as possible with vulnerability at the furthest seat in the back of the bus, aiming towards being a lot more reserved, as some things are respected more at a distance and I believe male emotions are like this. Especially if you're like me and one peep turns you into an uncertain prospect, gotta hold onto certain cards, especially if we're speaking two different languages.