As for the man, you shouldn't lament having to not be a loser. Hardwork isn't just part of being a man, conceptually it is a PART of the man himself. Only within strength of character can love and affection be matured. "Success" is all you, plenty of people are "successful" doing diddly squat, what's more important is being a provider aswell as having self-assuredness.

There is also no such thing as "deserve" as a man beyond its transactional meaning. You don't have a nesting role and it'll just hold you back. A man is free from "deserve", as he instead builds his future - the world is pregnatable and he is a potent force therein.