if this was an anime or something, I'd think it could possibly be cool, but since it's live western action my first thoughts are that the actress and character are probably both unlikeable cunts and she's unlikely to be able to sell the physicality to make the whole warrior woman schtick work. Women's fight choreography is so bad these days.
they probably won't do this, but this sort of story is super easy to fix. Just have a older male protector character early on
Act 1) father or uncle or grandpa or whatever of main female character leads tribe against brains and brawn villain duo. Female character has youthful innocence and desires to be a cool warrior like the male character even if it's not something women typically do. Dreams are crushed as the harsh reality of combat sets in. Her various warrior skills mastered in peacetime are ineffective in a real wartime situation against foes larger than herself. Manages to stay alive, and gets just enough successes not to be a drag on the party. Male character leads tribe to near victory, but goes down taking out the brawny villain. He goes down a complete badass. He wasn't a Jarhead who needed a woman's advice to come up with a basic plan. He doesnt get humiliated. He was the heart and soul of his tribe. And his loss is devastating. The brainy villain gets away.
Act 2) things go to shit as social cohesion in the tribe suffers from loss of a great leader. She laments how she wasn't able to help more in act 1, possibly blames her weakness for old guys death. If girl ever tried to lead, she's shot down instantly and it only makes things worse. Main candidate for leader is younger male trying to succeed fallen protector, but his immaturity holds him back. He is not a dumbass, he is not a sexist pig who doesn't believe women can lead. He is a charismatic, intelligent, and idealistic young man who is trying and failing to fill some really big shoes. He's also probably being undercut by a pessimistic foil. Things get desperate as brainy villain gets revenge, and it's all she can do just to keep her and whatever few tribes people are still with her alive. Focus on warrior skills like camouflage, foraging, traps, etc. Instead of direct combat. If any direct combat happens it's immediately apparent that it's hopeless, and any attempt to fight back is futile. All she can hope to do is escape. Also, an opportunity to highlight other weaknesses in addition to lack of physical combat power.
Act 3) Brainy villain is lured into situation focusing on battle of Witts. Girl is able to regain some of her spirit and optimism from act 1 rallies what's left of her tribe. She never attempts to be a boss girl, and is never a cunt to anyone. She probably teams up with a younger male character from part 2 as part of a leadership duo and possible love interest. If this is more of an action movie he doesn't need to be a love interest. it might actually be more interesting if he was her brother, and they are both mourning the loss of their idolized father. Little details aren't that important. Brainy Villain is defeated with tactics and teamwork and a combination of already established skills from act 2 and creative uses of skills that failed in act 1. Girl plays instrumental part in bringing team together and bringing down villain, but teamwork is the clear focus.
There. A better story structure with a female lead than anything I've seen from Hollywood in a decade or more
Key points.
It doesn't hate men. The men are competent badasses who can be built into awesome characters even if they aren't the lead. Weaknesses of younger men are due to immaturity and serve to highlight the difference between him and the ideal which he aspires to. And he moves tangibly towards that goal in act three.
People on the same team respect and honor one another. There can be an antihero in act 2 if he's outlined as such, but your core characters act with each other's best interests in mind. If someone doubts someones strength, it's a real, founded, and rational doubt. The characters care about each other and the audience likes them for it. In this structure a brother-sister relationship in times of danger could be a complex thing that can be explored, as opposed to an opportunity for the sister to prove herself the superior sibling who is being kept down by sexism.
It doesn't make the girl hateable. She isn't a cocky asshole, she's an innocent maiden archetype with a tomboy twist. She isn't hyper competent and unbelievable, she's a young girl forced to flee from something a lot more powerful in act 2. Newsflash! This makes the audience root for her. People don't like to see the strong picking on someone smaller than them especially women. Makes you villain hateable and your protagonist easy to empathize with. Character is developed with weaknesses and strengths. Too often a character is designed with a list of cool powers and strengths they have, but weaknesses are ignored when they're almost as important.
Characters are given a chance to develop naturally, and attempt skills in a way that establishes that they are learning them, but aren't truly effective yet. This primes the skill in act 1 or 2 without turning the tide, so it doesn't feel like bullshit when a character randomly has a skill that saves the day in act 3.
Is this just the original star wars trilogy with Luke and Leia switched? Maybe a little, but this basic structure is older than that.
But we all know how this is actually going to go. She's going to be another cunt who is constantly underestimated by everyone purely to give her opportunities to prove strawmen wrong and then be a smug cunt about it. In combat she'll be a remorseless killing machine spouting girl power one liners, and the best any of the male characters can hope to be is a lovable doofus or effeminate cheerleader. The rest will be incompetent, evil assholes who get systematically humiliated for daring to challenge her on anything. Every good character agrees with her 100% of the time and likes her instantly. She suffers no setbacks that cost her more than 5 minutes, and her story arc is the straight line of a combine clearing wheat shaped obsticals.
Didn't intend to go off on a rant like that but I'm sure most of you guys know how frustrating it is to see how obvious it is to see how professional writers keep (intentionally) fucking up and it being obvious how to fix things despite not having much experience writing.
Sounds interesting and like most of these pitches I see on forums like this from fans, it strikes me as being written from an objective standpoint of what would be best suited for the story. That's why this pitch would get laughed out of the room by the people writing it now and why so much of this media is terrible, most of the time it reads like mediocre fan fiction with way settings, characters and plots get twisted to serve the story they want to write.
Yeah. A lot of outline work, never really bothered to fill out anything in to much detail, but I have about a dozen txt files with the outlines of stories in them, and another with a couple dozen one line concepts. I've started a two novels that never really went anywhere. I'm mostly only good at the framework stuff. Characters and intricate settings are the tough part.
I've though about maybe doing a game or something now and again, but what I do now is much more reliable at paying the bills, so...
Just some random thoughts.
if this was an anime or something, I'd think it could possibly be cool, but since it's live western action my first thoughts are that the actress and character are probably both unlikeable cunts and she's unlikely to be able to sell the physicality to make the whole warrior woman schtick work. Women's fight choreography is so bad these days.
they probably won't do this, but this sort of story is super easy to fix. Just have a older male protector character early on
Act 1) father or uncle or grandpa or whatever of main female character leads tribe against brains and brawn villain duo. Female character has youthful innocence and desires to be a cool warrior like the male character even if it's not something women typically do. Dreams are crushed as the harsh reality of combat sets in. Her various warrior skills mastered in peacetime are ineffective in a real wartime situation against foes larger than herself. Manages to stay alive, and gets just enough successes not to be a drag on the party. Male character leads tribe to near victory, but goes down taking out the brawny villain. He goes down a complete badass. He wasn't a Jarhead who needed a woman's advice to come up with a basic plan. He doesnt get humiliated. He was the heart and soul of his tribe. And his loss is devastating. The brainy villain gets away.
Act 2) things go to shit as social cohesion in the tribe suffers from loss of a great leader. She laments how she wasn't able to help more in act 1, possibly blames her weakness for old guys death. If girl ever tried to lead, she's shot down instantly and it only makes things worse. Main candidate for leader is younger male trying to succeed fallen protector, but his immaturity holds him back. He is not a dumbass, he is not a sexist pig who doesn't believe women can lead. He is a charismatic, intelligent, and idealistic young man who is trying and failing to fill some really big shoes. He's also probably being undercut by a pessimistic foil. Things get desperate as brainy villain gets revenge, and it's all she can do just to keep her and whatever few tribes people are still with her alive. Focus on warrior skills like camouflage, foraging, traps, etc. Instead of direct combat. If any direct combat happens it's immediately apparent that it's hopeless, and any attempt to fight back is futile. All she can hope to do is escape. Also, an opportunity to highlight other weaknesses in addition to lack of physical combat power.
Act 3) Brainy villain is lured into situation focusing on battle of Witts. Girl is able to regain some of her spirit and optimism from act 1 rallies what's left of her tribe. She never attempts to be a boss girl, and is never a cunt to anyone. She probably teams up with a younger male character from part 2 as part of a leadership duo and possible love interest. If this is more of an action movie he doesn't need to be a love interest. it might actually be more interesting if he was her brother, and they are both mourning the loss of their idolized father. Little details aren't that important. Brainy Villain is defeated with tactics and teamwork and a combination of already established skills from act 2 and creative uses of skills that failed in act 1. Girl plays instrumental part in bringing team together and bringing down villain, but teamwork is the clear focus.
There. A better story structure with a female lead than anything I've seen from Hollywood in a decade or more
Key points.
It doesn't hate men. The men are competent badasses who can be built into awesome characters even if they aren't the lead. Weaknesses of younger men are due to immaturity and serve to highlight the difference between him and the ideal which he aspires to. And he moves tangibly towards that goal in act three.
People on the same team respect and honor one another. There can be an antihero in act 2 if he's outlined as such, but your core characters act with each other's best interests in mind. If someone doubts someones strength, it's a real, founded, and rational doubt. The characters care about each other and the audience likes them for it. In this structure a brother-sister relationship in times of danger could be a complex thing that can be explored, as opposed to an opportunity for the sister to prove herself the superior sibling who is being kept down by sexism.
It doesn't make the girl hateable. She isn't a cocky asshole, she's an innocent maiden archetype with a tomboy twist. She isn't hyper competent and unbelievable, she's a young girl forced to flee from something a lot more powerful in act 2. Newsflash! This makes the audience root for her. People don't like to see the strong picking on someone smaller than them especially women. Makes you villain hateable and your protagonist easy to empathize with. Character is developed with weaknesses and strengths. Too often a character is designed with a list of cool powers and strengths they have, but weaknesses are ignored when they're almost as important.
Characters are given a chance to develop naturally, and attempt skills in a way that establishes that they are learning them, but aren't truly effective yet. This primes the skill in act 1 or 2 without turning the tide, so it doesn't feel like bullshit when a character randomly has a skill that saves the day in act 3.
Is this just the original star wars trilogy with Luke and Leia switched? Maybe a little, but this basic structure is older than that.
But we all know how this is actually going to go. She's going to be another cunt who is constantly underestimated by everyone purely to give her opportunities to prove strawmen wrong and then be a smug cunt about it. In combat she'll be a remorseless killing machine spouting girl power one liners, and the best any of the male characters can hope to be is a lovable doofus or effeminate cheerleader. The rest will be incompetent, evil assholes who get systematically humiliated for daring to challenge her on anything. Every good character agrees with her 100% of the time and likes her instantly. She suffers no setbacks that cost her more than 5 minutes, and her story arc is the straight line of a combine clearing wheat shaped obsticals.
Didn't intend to go off on a rant like that but I'm sure most of you guys know how frustrating it is to see how obvious it is to see how professional writers keep (intentionally) fucking up and it being obvious how to fix things despite not having much experience writing.
Sounds interesting and like most of these pitches I see on forums like this from fans, it strikes me as being written from an objective standpoint of what would be best suited for the story. That's why this pitch would get laughed out of the room by the people writing it now and why so much of this media is terrible, most of the time it reads like mediocre fan fiction with way settings, characters and plots get twisted to serve the story they want to write.
You should get into screenwriting Eltrion, this sounds like a decent treatment for the idea. Did you write any other fictions as well?
Yeah. A lot of outline work, never really bothered to fill out anything in to much detail, but I have about a dozen txt files with the outlines of stories in them, and another with a couple dozen one line concepts. I've started a two novels that never really went anywhere. I'm mostly only good at the framework stuff. Characters and intricate settings are the tough part.
I've though about maybe doing a game or something now and again, but what I do now is much more reliable at paying the bills, so...