Moiraine arrives at Emond’s Field and the appearance of an empowered, stunning and brave Woman forces all the villagers to gather around her. When she reveals that she is Aes Sedai, the men swoon and faint from excitement. Trollocs attack, Moiraine and Koreanlan decimate them in a cornucopia of cgi and modellography. Finally, Moiraine turns to the awed villagers.

“I am here, in your fantasy west-european village with an english name, to find the Dragon Reborn. When the prophecy was written, the Left and Feminism had no power over the wheel of time and so, the Dragon was understandably a white male. The prophecy isn’t specific as to race, sexuality, gender and pronouns, so the White Tower assumes that they will be the same. Therefore...”

Moiraine looks around at the awed people and sees a weird diversity that has no place there or in the books where all of this was written – regarding this particular part of the world and its culture. Her eyes pass over Koreanlan and she finds it passing strange for a moment and she seems to remember....but she lets it go and turns to the obvious candidate.

“You - the only white man here with a taste for women and distinctive west-european colours and features, yes you Rand – you’re coming with me. Let’s get going.”

An Australian aborigine who was dropped to the village as a baby by a stork who had no idea about magnetic fields and zip codes, steps forward and asks,

Austregwene: “Excuse me, but what version of the prophecy would that be?”

Moiraine: “Why, the original of course, as it was written.”

Austregwene hands her a few crumpled pieces of paper.

“Can you check these out please? I think you’re away from the tower for a long time and have missed some important amendments to the prophecy.”

Moiraine reads the papers and her eyes widen.

“By the Amyrlin Seat - thirteen amendments in the last 3 years? And this last one makes clear all the specifics that the original prophecy lacked. I see, thank you for bringing this to my attention. Ahem, Rand you can step back, stay here and be a farmer – you are not the one I’m looking for as it turns out. The prophecy states clear that the Dragon Reborn will be a stunning and brave Woman of diverse ethnic origins, non-standard sexual predilections, indeterminate gender and unpronounceable pronouns. Egwene Al’Vere, are you an Australian aborigine who identifies as an asexual deer, is pansexual, trans and lgbtq+++, who is non-biphobic of bi-erasure, attracted to emotionally stunted intersexual landwhales and you may be addressed as sdfsdaf/dfsgfds?”

“Why, yes I am.”

“Fine you’re coming with me to the White Tower. Let’s go – Koreanlan give this wom – lactating person your horse. You will walk.”

An angry Africanaeve steps forward tugging fiercely at her braid.

“Excuse me, the WHITE tower?”

Moiraine stands aghast at this ghastly question with her mouth hanging open for a long time.

“My dear angry lactating person, your wisdom far surpasses your years. I must brign this to the Amyrlin Seat at once – how could a whole leftist-feminist mob of producers miss this dreadful sexism, this TOWERING insult of white privilege? You’re going to make an excellent Aes Sedai, you;re coming with me as well – you’ll ride on Koreanlan. Let’s go.”

“What about us?” Ask a black smith, a white boy and a <I never bothered to find out what idiocy happened to Mat> Mat.

“I’m afraid that you are irrelevant to the Woke of Time. Really, 3 male protagonists and one of them ends up with a harem of straight women? Just stay here and...die in the next trolloc attack. Thank you all good people – we’ll be going now.”

And so ends this travesty of a show for me and for all true fans of the series who wish to see the SOURCE material on screen and be entertained, not preached to by a piece of leftist-feminist propaganda.

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