Little know facts about Joan Donovan

Engineers are baffled that can she tilt her head without her neck snapping.

The Stay Puft marshmallow man is her father.

She can hold a ham in each cheek.

She is a Michael Moore class buffet line destroyer.

She and Michael Moore once put an all you can eat Chinese buffet out of business in an afternoon.

She is required to wear a burlap mask in public to avoid scaring children.

She picks old gum off of sidewalks and chews it.

She was once offered a job to jump off a ladder in fracking country.

She raids the kitchen by unhinging her jaw and tilting the fridge back.

She is required to wear a muzzle when grocery shopping.

When she laughs the popping noises you hear are her chins breaking the sound barrier.

She is as vengeful as she is fat.