I really like this girl so I want to help her. In the beginning our relationship was pretty good but I saw signs of some social skills problems. I thought she was just a little socially immature but I chalked that up to other reasons and felt maybe she could improve.
As she got more comfortable with me she actually got significantly worse. I thought she just was naturally not liking me and we weren't compatible but I soon realized she literally hit nearly all the symptoms of autism and not a little, to the max. I would bet my life on her being autistic so I'm not looking for anyone to cast doubt on my diagnosis. She's just good at hiding it as best she can and frankly, I had no prior experience with autism so I wasn't really trained to catch the signs. I don't think her parents are aware either (for various reasons) and she can't keep friends long enough for them to truly understand. I might be the only one with enough perspective to diagnose it. I asked her if she would be willing to go to a psychologist to help with her anxiety issues but she refused because she's scared of them.
Any advice on how to bring this up to her? I'm thinking maybe just tell the mom but I'm not sure the mom will believe me or do anything about it. The dad would be worse.
I was about to just call it quits on our relationship because it's def not working but I do think if she accepts she has autism and works with me it could potentially work. She's given 0 indication she thinks she has autism and she works in social work with disabled people and had training on autism so I suspect she's potentially in denial or scared of accepting it.
Looking for some advice.
Well if that's what you want to try, then yeah maybe focus on the developing area of male/female differences in autism presentation and see if that resonates better with her.
But it feels important to give a bit of well traveled older guy advice. You can't fix her. We always think we can but it's just a pipe dream.
You can give her support to temporarily overcome the problems, but she won't be fixed. Her default state will always be what she is without your support, and the problems will arise again every time you stop holding her up, and you'll have to fix them again and again until you can't or won't anymore. If you're not determined for kids and forced to pick the least bad option, then I would not bother signing up for that thankless and endless task. Have some fun, recoup your debts, and move on until you can find one who can handle her own mental problems herself.