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17
If you HAD to choose one ....
posted 3 years ago by FatalConceit 3 years ago by FatalConceit +17 / -0
  1. Zombie Apocalypse.

  2. Nuclear Armageddon.

  3. Alien Invasion.

  4. Leftist Totalitarian World Government.

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▲ 16 ▼
– FromTheShadows 16 points 3 years ago +16 / -0

Zombie apocalypse. It's the easiest one to survive in. Just push the zombies the hell over and you win. The apocalypse will be finished before it's begun. Seriously, zombies are the stupidest monsters ever. Take away a human's brainpower and physical strength by putting them into a state of constant decay, and they're fucking harmless. They won't even be able to freaking walk! And within three days, they'll be too dehydrated to even twitch.

But I guess if we're operating under the assumption that all these scenarios are being played straight, then I'll go for alien invasion. There's always a chance they might be harmless or benevolent. Or heck, maybe they'll be willing to reward the humans that will help them round up the worthless rabble. There are a lot of those to be found in the big cities, particularly in California and New York.

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▲ 15 ▼
– ArtemisFoul 15 points 3 years ago +15 / -0

It depends on the exact type of zombies. Are they the usual shambling ones, or super aggressive runners like in Left for Dead or World War Z? Does the contagion spread only through bites, or is it airborne? Maybe they could be the type of supernatural zombies that don't just fall apart after a while but last forever and can walk between continents through the deep ocean, even if it takes them a long time?

Of course, alien invasion would depend on the type of aliens too. Are they aliens who just discovered something we never did, took a road we never did, and so they can travel between the stars, but they do it in basically 17th century galleons while fighting with flintlock guns, like in this incredible story? (PDF warning) And then they land on Earth, thinking they'll conquer it just like a myriad other worlds, and get assfucked by supersonic jets the and Marines using automatic rifles? Or maybe they're like the aliens in Mars Attacks!, and you can defeat them by playing folk music? Or maybe they're like the aliens in The Three Body Problem, and (spoiler alert) we're just fucked with absolutely no chance to fight back in any meaningful way?

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▲ 9 ▼
– FatalConceit [S] 9 points 3 years ago +9 / -0

You'd have to start from the assumption they have mastered interstellar travel and the technological ramifications of that.

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▲ 7 ▼
– ArtemisFoul 7 points 3 years ago +7 / -0

Someone mastering interstellar travel is pretty much a requirement for any alien invasion scenario. (Okay, unless they're like from Mars or Europa.) But seriously, check out the short story in the link above, it's great. It's about an alien invasion with flintlock guns.

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▲ 2 ▼
– FatalConceit [S] 2 points 3 years ago +2 / -0

I enjoyed the story. But It's a highly unlikely tech tree.

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... continue reading thread?
▲ 7 ▼
– Adamrises 7 points 3 years ago +7 / -0

Seriously, zombies are the stupidest monsters ever

That's because almost every piece of zombie media is being an allegory for some bullshit, and the one's that aren't are still using the setup from those that are.

Which is why they never have anything deeper than "humans are the real monsters" to say.

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▲ 7 ▼
– DefinitelyNotIGN 7 points 3 years ago +7 / -0

Zombie movies exist because people wanted to make natural disaster movies where you could delay or speed up the disaster whenever the plot called for it, without ruining suspension of disbelief, and in Sharknado, shooting the tornado looked stupid, so it's just easier to shoot zombies.

Zombie movie plot points and hurricane movie plot points are the exact same: Everyone's happy, suddenly bad stuff happens, gotta get medical supplies, someone was injured in a way we can't heal so we gotta euthanize them, main leads have romantic subplot.

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