Obviously we don't want to get into legal territory here, but I'm sure most men have been through this, on at least some "informal" level, at least previously...
The entire saga has taken place via text. I didn't say anything explicit, and was never given any indication that this individual was "uncomfortable". Literally no words were exchanged to that effect. In fact, most discussion was about our mutual studies. I had a slight feeling something was "off", from this girl's behaviour more broadly, but again, no direct indication was given...
Anyway, it has been some time since we had actually spoken, but today I am told that she has reported me to the University. Just informally, but the head of the student counselling department wants to pursue an investigation into me, lololol...
I have a record of the entire exchange. I haven't broken any laws, here, so unless there's some informal rule about "Her word against yours" (which I'm sure there probably is), I think I'm largely ok. Reputational damage is likely the main issue...
Anyway, like I said, in the court of "He said, she said", obviously they will side with her, but if this is a case based purely on "feelings", then who fucking knows how far she will get...
Just a fucking waste of my time. I've got so much other shit going on (my grandmother literally died two days ago, so to say this is low on my priority list..? Is an understatement), that I really just want to minimise impact, and get the fucking thing over with...
Eugh.
Yes, it's my own stupid fault for letting this one in. Yes, it's very High School. But like I said, I can calmly say that I did not actually do anything objectively wrong, here.
It is what it is, and I'm stuck with it. Like most college-age straight males who've had even the barest bit of experience, lol.
Don't contact this girl again. That is the most important thing. You don't want to be hit with any harassment charges or obstruction of justice charges legally.
Look into getting a good lawyer to defend you You want capable legal representation in times like this even if the university doesn't bring in law enforcement.
It is very good that you have documentation of all your text messages.
I wish you the best of luck in beating false charges.
Oh yeah, I’m not stupid. I won’t be back in touch, lol.
I just… It seems so fucking pointless…
She has no legal argument that I can see, and yet the University clearly wants to rake me over the fucking coals…
As I’ve said, this occurred entirely external to our studies, and really has nothing to do with the University at all. And yet they’ve gone to the effort to tie my phone number back to me, and are now semi-formally investigating…
It’s just so… Shit, frankly.
They won’t even directly say what I’ve done “wrong”. Just that she felt “uncomfortable”, and that warrants an investigation.
No statement of policy. No evidence. Just hearsay…
Grr…
Doing this to you over mere hearsay is just atrocious.
A girl just feeling uncomfortable over a conversation outside of the university merits an actual investigation from the university?
I am sorry to hear that they are doing this horrible shit to you.
Universities in the western world have sadly become bastions of treating men unfairly.
I truly hope you can come out of this shit relatively unscathed.
I’ve had this before, in the “activist”/political sphere…
There’s a certain type of woman who will do this. But yeah, I would have thought Universities were “above” this sort of shit, frankly…
Previous experience: turned their colleagues/our mutual friends against me, and made me feel so uncomfortable that I stopped being “involved” in those groups…
That’s not really an option this time, though, obviously, so I will fight this, if it comes to the point of having to, formally…
Anyway, thanks man. I genuinely appreciate it!
It’s so fucking shit, frankly…
Eugh…
Dude, you haven't been paying attention ... universities invented this shit.
"A girl just feeling uncomfortable. . ."
That's a crime in and of itself lately.
Civil suit for the cost of time, tuition and "emotional distress" (as evidenced here as you are clearly troubled by this event), plus whatever punishment uni decides to levy against you. Hit her and the school and keep the name Oberlin College available...
He doesn't need a lawyer (unless he's planning on suing the school) because these aren't accusations of committing a crime, it's just one of those informal fake school investigations. They don't follow any sort of rules of evidence or due process, and the worst they can do is dismiss him from the school.
Back in Trump's presidency they changed the rules and forced colleges to actually follow due process and mimic a criminal proceeding, but that was one of the first things Biden rolled back.
He needs to participate as little as possible, refuse to answer vague questions and only speak directly to specific charges, and he wants it all recorded or in writing. At that point, if the school dismisses him and it's not consistent with their published policies and procedures, he can sue them. It's basically a breach of contract thing.
Dude's in Oz anyways, so US law is irrelevant.
Ah, then who the hell knows what they can do to him? They're far enough gone that I wouldn't be surprised hurting a girl's feelings could be spun into some kind of crime.