"I still can't survive without drugs, even though everyone bends over backwards for me now"
"If I dare voice independent thoughts, girls who wear pants and went to college will ruin my life and encourage my death"
"I molested someone else's sons and daughters, and not only will no-one do anything about it, the victims will be forced to pay my generous gov pension"
Oh yeah, big improvements:
"I have myocarditis related heart disease"
"I'm secretly straight, but I needed a promotion"
"I still can't survive without drugs, even though everyone bends over backwards for me now"
"If I dare voice independent thoughts, girls who wear pants and went to college will ruin my life and encourage my death"
"I molested someone else's sons and daughters, and not only will no-one do anything about it, the victims will be forced to pay my generous gov pension"
Those work. I was going to go with these though:
You mean, as opposed to today when it is:
Son: everyone keeps telling me I'm evil just because I was born a boy
Dad: I can't get through my day without a ton of pain meds
Mom: I have to keep smiling and acting like everything is OK, even though my life is miserable and unsatisfying
Daughter: Everyone keep telling me I'm a boy and need to get my boobs cut off
Granddad: This country is doomed, glad I'll be dying soon