A pipe-wielding man who allegedly bludgeoned two unclothed cyclists pedaling through Portland’s Nob Hill neighborhood now faces assault and hate crime charges, according to prosecutors.

Nine naked bicyclists were riding near Northwest 19th Avenue and Flanders Street on June 3 when a stranger took “baseball-like” swings at them, striking two men in the back, according to a probable cause affidavit.

The man shouted at the bicyclists to “get out of here,” adding a slur for gay people during the attack, the court document says. One of the injured identifies as gay, prosecutors say.

Police apprehended the accused pipe swinger, later identified as Robert E. Houchins, with the three-foot metal pole still in his possession, according to the affidavit.

Houchins, 39, has no listed address. He faces charges including second-degree assault, unlawful use of a weapon and first-degree bias crime, the legal term for a hate crime.

Houchins has at least 28 convictions on his record ranging from aggravated sex abuse to arson and theft, a booking report shows, and has failed to appear in court on roughly 45 prior occasions. He’s being held in Multnomah County’s Inverness Jail.

Turns out all you have to do to be actually charged and imprisoned in Portland is attack naked men parading around in public. The first 45 times he got away with skipping his court appearance, this time...probably not.

Also I laughed at the "one of the injured identifies as gay" bit.