Yeah. For me, it meant that when things went wrong, I had nothing to fall back on…
My job was internal. My accommodation was internal. My sports teams were internal. My friends were (initially, largely) internal. I spent more time (again, disastrously) hanging out in the major city one hour away than I did in my city of residence, outside of the Uni…
I tried to change this (particularly in first year, before shit hit the fan, and in third year, coming back to try, and fail, again), and to spend more time in and around the city itself, but it did not work out for me…
I was dumb, naïve and immature. So were most other people, but they coped better/I guess were more mentally “capable”…
Unfortunately a caveat to my own failure in that environment is that “closed bubbles”, like you say, mean that real psychos can have massively undue influence…
I met and dealt with a couple of those.
Again, this never comes down to one single thing, but if I had just… Not had to live with those psychos, when I did, or if students weren’t, in general, such selfish fucking arseholes, then maybe I would not be the fucking mess I am today…
I also lived with another guy who was an abusive Muslim (Palestinian) alcoholic - yes, really…
He worked as a security guard/doorman, and regularly wandered around the college, drunk and loutish…
Anyway, end of the year, he is hired as head residential advisor, in charge of a whole hall full of grad students, even though he was still an Undergrad!!
Just imagine what might have gone down, with him in charge…
I was so appalled by all of these things that I outlined, that I pulled out of the “race” to be considered for a resident advisor position at that college, and, for a while, moved into private housing…
I pretty much spiraled from there.
Next place I lived (college) had three (!!) suicide attempts, one success, in a semester. Almost qualifies as a cluster, at that point…
It’s amazing the kind of bad shit you see when you pay attention, in that kind of environment…
Lived with a guy, in first year, who would throw a broom over the top of the bathroom stall to hit me, when I went into the toilet, slammed my head into a wall a couple of times, etc.
I fought back, but in a world of “my word vs yours”, it ended up worse off for me…
He ended up as head of the student union, embezzled a bunch of money (surprise surprise), and was eventually indicted for fraud, lol…
I also had a staff member crush a bird to death, in front of me, in their bare hands, to prevent me taking it to the vet (as you do)…
Just… Stuff like that. Lots and lots of things like that. Eventually it adds up.
These stories are messed up. It's not uncommon, but still messed up. I can see why you want to stay away. To be honest, the riots in Seattle started in what is called the U district. That's where the University of Washington sits, and they regularly stopped traffic and destroyed stuff as soon as Donald Trump was elected.
My favorite sign of stupidity is at Brigham Young University in Utah. In the minds of people in Utah, this is Oxford and Harvard combined. Every year, new students arrive and a handful immediately start drinking, smoking, getting tattoos and other stuff against their own religion. They could do this at any university out there, but chose BYU specifically. A friend going there was raped, and the guy got off scot free by crying and saying she was racist against his brown skin.
So it's not uncommon. I'm sorry you saw that and had to deal with it.
It’s interesting because that happened to me before, in High School, when I branched out from mostly having friends I went to school with, or who my parents wanted me to be friends with, to people from all sorts of backgrounds and walks of life…
I still fucked it up, and they’re all long gone out of my life, now, but if my “bubble” had remained as exclusive as, say, my parents wanted it to be in school, or as I saw in far too many of those college kids, I guess… I probably wouldn’t have even made it this far.
The “bubble” is ok, as you say, until the realities no longer meet (whether that be marks, or being ostracized from “the group”, or financial trouble, or just realizing something is “off”)…
I don’t know, in the end. But I do know that “being stuck in that bubble”, and not really feeling that you belong, has consequences.
At least I’ve learned to let go of some of the paranoia, though. Today I was exposed to just how paranoid and petty my parents are, having not seen that for a while. It’s no wonder I ended up so anxious, ha.
I think the best answer to that is seek the bubbles you want. There's an amazing ttrpg shop 30 minutes from me, and every Saturday people from all walks of life come and play. They have Pokemon cards to old grognards arguing the value of a calvary charge. The rest of the world disappears, and they are happy. Conventions are designed to be bubbles, and you can see the edge of it. On one street people are dressed up, and on the other people are going to work. I actually chose places outside of the bubble to get some rest for my mind.
See what makes you happy, and go to those bubbles. Take breaks as needed.
Yeah. For me, it meant that when things went wrong, I had nothing to fall back on…
My job was internal. My accommodation was internal. My sports teams were internal. My friends were (initially, largely) internal. I spent more time (again, disastrously) hanging out in the major city one hour away than I did in my city of residence, outside of the Uni…
I tried to change this (particularly in first year, before shit hit the fan, and in third year, coming back to try, and fail, again), and to spend more time in and around the city itself, but it did not work out for me…
I was dumb, naïve and immature. So were most other people, but they coped better/I guess were more mentally “capable”…
Unfortunately a caveat to my own failure in that environment is that “closed bubbles”, like you say, mean that real psychos can have massively undue influence…
I met and dealt with a couple of those.
Again, this never comes down to one single thing, but if I had just… Not had to live with those psychos, when I did, or if students weren’t, in general, such selfish fucking arseholes, then maybe I would not be the fucking mess I am today…
Maybe.
You should just tell us what happened.
I also lived with another guy who was an abusive Muslim (Palestinian) alcoholic - yes, really…
He worked as a security guard/doorman, and regularly wandered around the college, drunk and loutish…
Anyway, end of the year, he is hired as head residential advisor, in charge of a whole hall full of grad students, even though he was still an Undergrad!!
Just imagine what might have gone down, with him in charge…
I was so appalled by all of these things that I outlined, that I pulled out of the “race” to be considered for a resident advisor position at that college, and, for a while, moved into private housing…
I pretty much spiraled from there.
Next place I lived (college) had three (!!) suicide attempts, one success, in a semester. Almost qualifies as a cluster, at that point…
It’s amazing the kind of bad shit you see when you pay attention, in that kind of environment…
Lived with a guy, in first year, who would throw a broom over the top of the bathroom stall to hit me, when I went into the toilet, slammed my head into a wall a couple of times, etc.
I fought back, but in a world of “my word vs yours”, it ended up worse off for me…
He ended up as head of the student union, embezzled a bunch of money (surprise surprise), and was eventually indicted for fraud, lol…
I also had a staff member crush a bird to death, in front of me, in their bare hands, to prevent me taking it to the vet (as you do)…
Just… Stuff like that. Lots and lots of things like that. Eventually it adds up.
These stories are messed up. It's not uncommon, but still messed up. I can see why you want to stay away. To be honest, the riots in Seattle started in what is called the U district. That's where the University of Washington sits, and they regularly stopped traffic and destroyed stuff as soon as Donald Trump was elected.
My favorite sign of stupidity is at Brigham Young University in Utah. In the minds of people in Utah, this is Oxford and Harvard combined. Every year, new students arrive and a handful immediately start drinking, smoking, getting tattoos and other stuff against their own religion. They could do this at any university out there, but chose BYU specifically. A friend going there was raped, and the guy got off scot free by crying and saying she was racist against his brown skin.
So it's not uncommon. I'm sorry you saw that and had to deal with it.
I think they just went along with it and you didn't. You started to recognize the bubble but couldn't get the realities to meet.
Yeah, I guess that’s at least part of it…
It’s interesting because that happened to me before, in High School, when I branched out from mostly having friends I went to school with, or who my parents wanted me to be friends with, to people from all sorts of backgrounds and walks of life…
I still fucked it up, and they’re all long gone out of my life, now, but if my “bubble” had remained as exclusive as, say, my parents wanted it to be in school, or as I saw in far too many of those college kids, I guess… I probably wouldn’t have even made it this far.
The “bubble” is ok, as you say, until the realities no longer meet (whether that be marks, or being ostracized from “the group”, or financial trouble, or just realizing something is “off”)…
I don’t know, in the end. But I do know that “being stuck in that bubble”, and not really feeling that you belong, has consequences.
At least I’ve learned to let go of some of the paranoia, though. Today I was exposed to just how paranoid and petty my parents are, having not seen that for a while. It’s no wonder I ended up so anxious, ha.
But at least I got out of the bubble, I guess. :)
I think the best answer to that is seek the bubbles you want. There's an amazing ttrpg shop 30 minutes from me, and every Saturday people from all walks of life come and play. They have Pokemon cards to old grognards arguing the value of a calvary charge. The rest of the world disappears, and they are happy. Conventions are designed to be bubbles, and you can see the edge of it. On one street people are dressed up, and on the other people are going to work. I actually chose places outside of the bubble to get some rest for my mind.
See what makes you happy, and go to those bubbles. Take breaks as needed.