Yeah, maybe. I think about this all the time, honestly. But I'm self-aware enough to, as you say, quell it...
Having looked into this in very extensive detail, though, I actually don't think I am. Because, while genetics plays a part, I would suggest it is largely a learned behaviour. And I have spent my whole life trying not to be like them.
Do I have narcissistic traits? Maybe. But look, if I'm going to "self-diagnose" anything Cluster B, I'm probably arguably closer to "Borderline", than to NPD...
I know for a fact that I don't think like them, anyway. And I've dated at least one narcissist, so... I honestly don't think that I'm like that. Not to any real extent, by comparison, anyway.
But what I actually meant by that comment is that I have, objectively, failed to live up to my potential, and make the most of the opportunities presented to me.
Not because I think I am in any way "unique", nor particularly smart, nor particularly special. But because I grew up with enough "family money", and a private school education, that I should have "made it".
There are various reasons why I didn't, some of which, yes, include mental illness. However when I look at the things my classmates have achieved, or people from the same background younger than me, it's clear how much I have failed. I don't blame anyone else for that (anymore). I accept that it is my responsibility, and fault. But I'm also not going to deny that it is the truth. And I'm honestly not sure how I come back from that, at this point, "narcissistic tendencies" or otherwise.
If I can add one thing to this, it's that being continuously ignored and/or dismissed, while growing up, and having your own parents whispering behind your back (all the time), messes you up really badly...
Might not turn you into a Narc yourself, but like you said, "snivelling cowardice" is not optimal, either...
I only learnt to stand up to authority figures in my twenties... A lot of bad shit happened, before I finally managed to grow enough of a spine to even do that. So yeah...
Yeah, maybe. I think about this all the time, honestly. But I'm self-aware enough to, as you say, quell it...
Having looked into this in very extensive detail, though, I actually don't think I am. Because, while genetics plays a part, I would suggest it is largely a learned behaviour. And I have spent my whole life trying not to be like them.
Do I have narcissistic traits? Maybe. But look, if I'm going to "self-diagnose" anything Cluster B, I'm probably arguably closer to "Borderline", than to NPD...
I know for a fact that I don't think like them, anyway. And I've dated at least one narcissist, so... I honestly don't think that I'm like that. Not to any real extent, by comparison, anyway.
But what I actually meant by that comment is that I have, objectively, failed to live up to my potential, and make the most of the opportunities presented to me.
Not because I think I am in any way "unique", nor particularly smart, nor particularly special. But because I grew up with enough "family money", and a private school education, that I should have "made it".
There are various reasons why I didn't, some of which, yes, include mental illness. However when I look at the things my classmates have achieved, or people from the same background younger than me, it's clear how much I have failed. I don't blame anyone else for that (anymore). I accept that it is my responsibility, and fault. But I'm also not going to deny that it is the truth. And I'm honestly not sure how I come back from that, at this point, "narcissistic tendencies" or otherwise.
If I can add one thing to this, it's that being continuously ignored and/or dismissed, while growing up, and having your own parents whispering behind your back (all the time), messes you up really badly...
Might not turn you into a Narc yourself, but like you said, "snivelling cowardice" is not optimal, either...
I only learnt to stand up to authority figures in my twenties... A lot of bad shit happened, before I finally managed to grow enough of a spine to even do that. So yeah...