Damn, that's deep
(media.communities.win)
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It's totally a thing among normal boys and men.
I always had trouble relating with how other guys would behave when we were among eachothers. How they would talk shit at eachothers and laugh. Constantly.
Could be extremely vulgar at times, but it wasen't random ( I don't know how to explain. the phrasing? tone? the non-verbal cues? ). Like how there is a clear difference between boys playing rough and boys having a fight?
Any temper lost was quickly regained with no grudge.
At work, I see older men who are friends still do that.
I can't do that, but can tell when coworkers are trying to ''play'' that way with me too and it's just akward. It's obvious they're just doing that, not being jerk. Just including me in it but it dosen't work.
P.S. : I did experience that socialisation, but never got over the ''everything is a brick'' when directly involved. Initially it got me alot of (deserved) shit because well, I ''responded with bricks'', but later I stuck with ''if I have nothing nice to say I'll just shut up'' and made friends again.
Always found it interesting to see my friends do the insult-the-shit-out-of-eachothers.
It's because there is an understanding that no one is actually under any real threat, where as you were responding in an insecure manner because you struggled to emotionally accept that you and your social value were not in jeapordy.
Same reason you can steal a cookie from a baker and he'll be annoyed, but if you steal a cookie from a homeless man, by taking it out of his mouth, he might stab you over it.
What this means is that you will need to continue your efforts at socialization and develop more emotional stoicism. Saying nothing doesn't help because it doesn't allow you to build social bonds that form relationships, which form the basis of your life generally.
Oh I didn't stay quiet, I developped a good sense of humour and made good friends who appreciated my company and I appreciated theirs too.
I just never got the hang of the shit-talking.
Sometimes the jokes were almost shit-talking with close friends, but never going half as far as my friends took it.
This could only happen after the ''shut up if you have nothing nice to say'' phase which got me friends.
( And never with coworkers. )
P.S. : Oh now I remember : Social anxiety : pathological fear of negative judgement from others.
It's a personality trait you're stuck to manage forever so it stays under control.
Unless you want to end-up freezing with you hand on the door knob because if you go outside, people will see you, and you don't want them to think you exist.
And like you said, managing that involves going out of your way to do things that don't come-up naturally to you : go out and be around people, listen and talk to them.